I intensely dislike christmas.

Good for you gal being so honest!!! I admire that! Get the cottage booked. Once the little gits grow up you and daughter can have time together x

I think that there is too much of doing stuff because you think that everybody else expects.

GrannyScrooge It's time to tell them that the work involved is just too much for you now and perhaps they could do Christmas instead.

The following comment is not aimed at the OP but years ago we had some friends whose second child was a little boy. Because we had moved too far away just to visit for an afternoon and evening they would stay overnight (all 4) and we would go to them on other occasions and stay overnight. The son was uncontrollable (in my eyes) and quite destructive in my house. He would not leave my dogs alone and always wanted to hit the terrier who was unused to children. He tore things, he used to poke his hand into the video recorder and wouldn't stop when asked not to do it. I won't bore you with everything except for one other thing. One New Year when they were staying with us we were all invited to a party. He went off with the other children to see some pet mice. He was given one to hold and threw it against the wall.

Anyway, we fell out and didn't see them for many years. When the boy was about 10 we had a phone all saying that they would be in Cambridge because they were taking their son to a holiday camp and could we meet up. We were also told that he was autistic which explained a lot.

A gentle hug for you Grannyscrooge. You're not the only one who feels the way you do. I think you ought to let your daughter know that you're feeling fragile. Surely there comes a time when you're the one who deserves a bit of "spoiling" after all your years of giving. ?

I feel much the same about Xmas Grannyscrooge
To the extent that I 'cancelled' it about 10 years ago! To me it's just commercialised nonsense. All those ads pressuring people to buy gifts for others that they don't want, or need - which mostly will be taken back on boxing day or shortly thereafter. All that pressure, mostly on women to provide some humongus meal on that one day. Also shocking, the amount of food thrown away, and the panic buying of even more food 'just in case'... I did of course 'do it' when my children were young, now I have 2 very small GC I may get away with it for another year, but then I'll have to go along with the farce for another few years. Just to add, I love seeing my loved ones ANY day of the year, I just think the whole Xmas day thing puts too much pressure on families, not to mention the poor souls who don't really have anyone - Xmas day just serves to highlight loneliness.
Maybe Christmas should just be for those who believe in the birth of Jesus? I don't as it happens, but wasn't that the idea of Xmas?

Im with you all the way. I love giving gifts, feeding people, doing things for others etc etc BUT, i don't like being forced into it.
Christmas, Mothers Day, Valentines Day
are all a huge irritation for me. Sorry for those I upset ! Honestly Im not normally a grumpy and difficult person!

Please talk to your daughter in a positive but meaningful way. About your health worries etc. Other people, even our own family members, sometimes misread what is going on in our lives. Covid offers you perfect excuse to say we are just doing it on our own this year. Then after that, maybe she could be Christmas host and create new memories for her children.
PS. I also hate Christmas. My mother died when I was a child shortly before it. I put on a good show when children were young. Now adults, they accept what they get!

I agree a frank chat with your daughter is on the cards concerning boundaries that your grand sons should adhere to. How about locks on bedroom doors so they cannot get to them. I would hate anyone rifling through my stuff. How about Christmas at your daughters house? If you don’t tell anyone how you are feeling things will continue as they are.

Other than that, yes get away next year if possible!

i have never enjoyed christmas even as a child, i did all the right things when i had my little boy....he is 38 now, we went to the family gathering week before christmas but always spent christmas at home (just the 3 of us) and i served a buffet, i now spend christmas the way i want, lost my husband when i was 39, i have explained to my son that i am happy to spend christmas on my own and he accepts it. you should talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel, that the pain is dreadful and doing all the cooking is not something you can manage anymore, it might be that she feels she has to come to you so you are not alone with your son, with the covid19 ,,,would it be safe for her to visit?,,,please just talk to her and enjoy christmas the way you want to xx

You are most certainly not alone - I can't stand it!! All that razamataz, all that buy, buy, buy. We usually disappear to a country that doesn't celebrate Christmas but that is proving difficult this year.

Grannyscrooge, I feel for you as I had a pain issue which lasted a few years and I couldn't have tolerated small children getting into everything and messing about with my private things and so on. It can go from barely tolerable to absolutely unbearable with pain and exhaustion and the anticipation is awful. Please explain to your family that things have got to a point where you can no longer cope with the demands of the grandchildren unless they are carefully supervised by someone else and don't disturb things because that would cause you considerable pain, and effort that you can't manage any more.. Big hug X

Jane Ainsworth- until you've walked in someone else's shoes...

Little Gits ? really? They are your grandchildren, get yourself that cottage FAST !!!!!!!!!!

buylocal you don’t actually have to ‘walk in anyone else’s shoes’ to know whether a word is a term of abuse or not.

Nobody is being abused.

You sound exhausted. When even wrapping presents is a terrible chore, something is not right. Being in pain can be very debilitating and it seems you are carrying the burden on your shoulders. It's no wonder you are upset when you feel so unappreciated.
I am sending you a virtual invite to my caravan. It is sited in your favourite holiday location. It's lovely and warm and you can have the comfy chair. Do you want anyone special to call in?
This can be arranged and your family are sorted too so you don't need to worry about them.
Here is your favourite drink and a snack, enjoy your stay.

Grannybags

Lucca

Still not convinced, sorry.

I agree

Me three.

Me four!
If it’s so awful why doesn’t OP just go off by herself?
If she is cheerful over Christmas as she sounds I can’t imagine anybody would object.
Instead of whingeing or being a martyr, do something about it.

Lucca

I think grannyscrooge has disappeared.....

Having lit the blue touchpaper......?

People put up with all kinds of awful situations for the sake of their family.
There are lots of threads about the problem of saying "No."

By saying "in this house, the rules are..." you prevent it from becoming personal. When our children were young, and at home, we were often told "so and so's parents let her/him do that", so we evolved our own rules which applied to our children and others who came. It worked.

Lucca

I think grannyscrooge has disappeared.....

But lots of new posters have appeared.

Which will please GNHQ as they have been trying to encourage lurkers to join in.

I'm not very good at detecting fake threads.

If this is a fake.

My thoughts are with you and your son grannyscrooge . It must be awful for your autistic son having to spend the day in his room because he can’t cope with the additional people in the house. Your health too is cause for concern so speak to your daughter and explain the situation and hopefully she will understand. As regards children’s behaviour today from what I see around me I can’t help but be shocked at how some children behave. Some really are allowed to do whatever they want without any boundaries at all. I try to avoid them wherever possible!!!

Puzzled. Why do you do it? I’m guessing at some point over the summer you are overcome with warm fuzzy feelings and blithely agree to host Christmas.
Put a note in your 2021 diary for around July: “BOOK CHRISTMAS BOLTHOLE”