I intensely dislike christmas.

Dear GrannyScrooge, lots of fab advice here, and do please, please ignore the people who don’t understand how you feel.

Just do what you feel able to do, you are doing a huge amount as it is.

My daughter has said (and she’s fit, healthy, has enough money & is young!) that she won’t ever host a big Christmas again, she says too many in laws and out laws expecting far too much!

Keep cool, do what you want to, you’ve got time to change the expectations of others this year and, of course, COVID gives you a very good reason (or excuse!) to do just what you feel you can do!

???

So many wise words here from GNs!
GrannyScrooge, I'll just add that (IMO) it's still not too late to change your plans & to say "no" for this Christmas. (If you've bought/ordered food, then perhaps you can pass this all or some of this on to DD & family, so they can organise/host Christmas for themselves?) Put yourself first and spend Christmas how you want. Good luck!

I think you should pull out of this year. It's not fair on your son with autism or you I don't know a huge amount about EDS but get info from Pilates teacher locally who has the condition so I know it's life changing.
You sound overwhelmed and in need of a break. A strange cottage might not suit your son so somehow please change this year so you two have a quiet day. Maybe have the family over another day and buyfood in.
I feel for you ⚘⚘⚘

as older women we need to work hard at not being pinioned to Christmas

Grannyscrooge

Am I alone in how I feel? It's just something I have come to dislike more and more. I even dislike the fact people call christmas haters Grinches, what happened to scrooge? I'm sick of it, all the present buying the wrapping, the decorating the house, the tree. Just everything about it fills me with dread. Cooking food for everyone to scoff without a second thought for me slaving over it all day. I used to love it when my kids were little, seeing their faces and having fun but as the years have gone by it's just a lot of effort for no reward. I have 2 grandsons who are spoilt little gits who I don't particularly enjoy seeing. I miss my daughter, their mum, because she has no time to have a chat anymore, it's all about these little gits that ruin my house, open drawers and dig through my personal possessions like they own the house. No one says anything to them and if we dare chastise them we feel like monsters. But they are just part of the problem. I would just like to go away to a little cottage on my own and stay there until it's all over. I feel depressed and on the verge of tears all the time. It's just so awful. But I do it because it's expected.

Dear Granny (not) Scrooge , I read your post and instantly felt for you. There wasn’t any need whatsoever for you to justify your first post with a second. I could read between the lines that you don’t get any or very little support from family members.
Parenting these days is different from our days and I for one don’t get it. Son in law jumps in to comfort these little git’s when they are upset after being told not to touch things! Parents these days seem to have the OBEB impression (only babies ever born). No wonder there’s so much bad behaviour in our society these children are allowed to get away with far too much.
What about your daughter and her husband do they interact with your son ? I can imagine that you have many fears for the future, yours and your son’s.
I think you sound overwhelmed you poor thing and need to change this situation before you end up getting ill. Speak with your doctor because you are the important person in this. You need some help perhaps with your mental health because you are clearly coping with so much alone. Maybe you may be able to get a little respite or support.
As for Christmas, if it were me l would cancel it. Ask your daughter and her husband if they would “knock up” some “quick” plans for Christmas Day. If they tried preparing it for themselves and their git’s plus two more guests , they may start to appreciate the preparations and effort it takes to create a lovely Christmas.
But as another post said “they may find someone else to plonk themselves on” or something similar.
Or you might even find that your daughter completely understands how difficult it is for you to even think of making Christmas for everyone else and she will probably turn this around for you.
You may get upset when you explain this but leave the little git’s out of the conversation. You may even enjoy them more if you had Christmas in their home without the stress.
Wishing you love and peace for Christmas

I hosted Xmas celebrations for my adult children and grandchildren for 7 consecutive years after they married and started families. I stopped after the year that not only had I cooked the lot but found myself doing the washing up too.

I was invited to my daughter’s home the next year but I think she found the whole process too much and never cooked an Xmas dinner again. They just graze the day away.

All the grandchildren remember the tree, table decorations etc with great affection but I was definitely being taken advantage of by the adults. It was all exhausting.

Now that Xmas is really only one day as little shuts, I am quite content on my own and would rather that than all the work created by having 5 extra bodies in the house and I really wouldn’t want my teenage grandchildren loafing about for more than an hour.

I think Grannyscrooge has been very generous all these years. Time to make a change and this Xmas it will be so easy to do so as COVID-19 shielding is a sensible choice.

Wishing Grannyscrooge well.

For me, Christmas is about the birth of Christ.
Then to celebrate with one's family and loved ones - a wonderful time which I have so many fond memories from childhood and through my life. Sad of course when my parents died, but then it was my turn to have all the family along. I had an 'open fire' and I particularly remember my son loving to sit next to his grandad and roasting chestnuts in the evening.
I'm sorry Grannyscrooge that you get no joy from Christmas. I must admit it has become too commercial. Do what you would like for Christmas then it will hopefully bring you some happiness.

You say you feel depressed, you may well be- as you sound very low- so please see your doctor.

You sound unhappy in yourself generally..lock yourself away it's your life ....

Tried to add to my last reply but cant see it

Nanaanal (Hope I have got that right). I am a Christian, fully aware that the Christians ‘high jacked’ most of the pagan festivals and think Toadinthehole’s comment was uncalled for. Please don’t think all Christians object to other people celebrating whatever they want. I live in a really multicultural town where festivals and celebrations are shared .That is the Christian way.

Whilst doubtful about the OP, Grannyscrooge is rather a convenient username at this time of the year...it is certainly refreshing. I’m procrastinating about presents, cards decs etc but reading all these posts, I now don’t give a toss!
Yes, many of us slaved away and Xmas was special with young children. I still think it’s magical, but have always had a modest Xmas, modest presents and only close family.
I had a horrible father who hated it and spent the day in bed. My mother managed to make it a nice day for us and it hasn’t put me off.
The best suggestions are the AC take the load, that happens to me now and they cook here.

well grannyscrooge it's about time to open up to your lovely daughter who can't see your pain and sacrifice. Ask them to bring the food and drink to you and do all the work. I'm sure she knows where the oven is. Get their dad to entertain his sweet precious boys and put your feet up with a large glsss of something festive

Nannannanal. I didn’t mean to offend you, I was just asking the question, as so many people do not enjoy it, and see it as a burden, but rarely, if ever, do you see this amongst Christians. I’d be interested to know how I could be ‘ more Christian’.

Tweedle24, good grief...I wasn’t objecting to anything, I was just asking a question. I’m interested to see how it is viewed by non Christians, and why they put themselves through something they have no enjoyment in.

For those quibbling about the X in Xmas, it literally means Christ and has a long history.

I’m a Christian, and see the whole time as a celebration of the birth of Jesus, and love it because of this. It is basically still a pagan festival for most people, and that’s fine if you enjoy it, but if you don’t, I can’t see the point either.
grannyscrooge, it’s sad you refer to your grandchildren as ‘gifts’. They are, after all, a product of their parenting. It also sounds like they were rather over indulged with swimming pools, and electric bikes etc. You are perfectly entitled to chastise them in your own home, but really, it’s the parents you should be aiming for.

‘ gits’, I must get better glasses!

I applaud your honesty! You are saying what many don’t have the nerve to say! It may be difficult to escape this year due to pandemic restrictions but I would heartily recommend you make plans to do your own thing next year! Any chance of your daughter doing the entertaining this year? It’s about time you did what YOU want to do!!! Wishing you a relaxing and peaceful time! Hope the little gits aren’t too tiresome!

I’m amazed how you feel about family and the names you give them. Sounds like you have a few problems of your own. Maybe a chat to your daughter would help. Explain your tired and depressed, she may already know. Suggest she cooks and entertains and you offer some financial help!

You poor thing! Christmas has become a real chore for you, hasn’t it?
I’m not going to criticise you for calling your dgs “little gits” - I have no doubt you live them, but not their behaviour.

My advice: Time to have a good talk to your daughter. Don’t mention “little gits” but tell her how tired and poorly you feel and that while you love to host Christmas —a little white lie— you are not up to catering for everyone. She is surely old enough to do the cooking and my rule is (which I always stick to?) “She who cooked it does NO clearing up or washing up”. I park my self in my chair with a large festive drink and leave them to it.

Perhaps next year, book that quiet cottage, and have all the food delivered from M&S.

I think grannyscrooge has disappeared.....

Goldencity .....you say ‘don’t mention little gits’ to the OP’s DD, yep, good advice there.?

It sounds absolutely exhausting.
Why don't you go to their house?
You've done your Christmases.
Time for your daughter & s-i- l to host you.
Or better still all go to a hotel.
If you had a magic wand, how would you like your ideal Christmas to be?
If that is on your own, then so be it.
However, that might set the pattern for the future - if you are okay with that, then fine.
My Mum wanted a Christmas on her own, a 'Free Spirit Christmas' in her own house although lots of us invited her to our houses.
It turned out to be her last Christmas.

Sounds like you're being taken for granted. So sorry for you. It's hard saying no to people, especially where children are concerned, and that's the trouble. It would be good if you could get some sort of 'doctor's note' like you can for work, because I really think you need a break from Christmas. Perhaps you could say you're under doctor's orders to keep free of stress which, as we know, calls all sorts of pain. Really hope you can have the Christmas you want and need. xx