I intensely dislike christmas.

PS paper plates would considerably lighten the work.

Your poor autistic son! Has he a room of his own that is strictly out of bounds to the visitors?

I am so with you on that. I never liked Christmas as a child as I had an unhappy childhood and I think I have carried it through with me. I object to being taken for granted as the provider of food and cleaning up. Last year we managed to get away for Christmas, and Boy....that went well. Would have gone this year but for the obvious. Will certainly go next year, all being well. Make a stand and ask for help with chores.

Dear Grannyscrooge, my very very best wishes to you. Pain is so awful. It can rob us of all joy. I hope you get through December okay and that 2021 is a better year for you.

You have the perfect excuse not to have family around this year. Use COVID as the reason. You can set the scene for the years to come. Your family might enjoy it so much that they will choose to do it differently in the future. Tell them NOW that you are self isolating until after you are safely vaccinated because they will need time to prepare their own plans. Hope you can have a happier Christmas

Surely your daughter knows about your medical condition. Why don’t you suggest going to her for Christmas?
Describing your grandchildren as ‘horrible little gits’ is awful.
Mine rampage through the house which I don’t always like but I could never describe them as ‘gits.’

The definition of ‘git’ in the dictionary is someone you dislike intensely. Very sad if that’s the case for you.

I dislike Christmas too, so much upheaval for what is basically a roast dinner.

I feel for you GrannyS
I love Christmas but not all the stress it seems to bring with it.
My Grandchildren are now teenagers and so lovely ( they are over the grumpy stage). Now we are invited to their homes for Christmas lunch so we can relax. Your turn will come once the children prefer to stay in their own homes and you can put your feet up and just help with the sprout peeling! Hang in there, it will come quicker than you think! ?

Aww bless you. I can sympathise with you, and you certainly have enough to contend with without catering for extra people even/especially at Christmas.
Time to be open with your daughter my love. Why don't you just say that you have got to the stage that cooking for so many has got too much for you. Perhaps suggest they bob in Christmas eve or Christmas morning for tea and cake. Tell your daughter you really enjoy her company, and perhaps invite her for a cuppa and chat on a regular basis.
By the way I don't look forward to Christmas anymore either, and as you say the present buying and wrapping becomes a chore. Maybe just give selection boxes, chocolates or tins of biscuits I'm sure they will understand.
Please look after yourself

Have you thought that your family only go to you because it's a habit that they think breaking would offend and hurt you? Maybe it would be better for everyone if you said that you no longer feel able to host Christmas anymore due to age, health or whatever. Don't go on hosting if it spoils your own Christmas, because it might just be spoiling everyone else's too. Changing the routine might be to everyone's benefit in the end. I began to dread having everyone here at Christmas, but have now found that as the family have grown up, they begin to go to other family members anyway. I've now got the relaxing Christmas I've wanted, and am perfectly content.

I live on my own in my lovely stone cottage, my EC hasn’t spoke to o me for 3 years nor am I allowed to see GC but she won’t tell me,what I’ve actually done and doesn’t believe I don’t know. I’ve had invitations but it’s been such a funny year I’m having Cornish crab and seeing no one except my dogs. Looking forward to it a good test! After all ITS ONE DAY!

My sympathies, grannyscrooge and I understand how you feel. I look forward to Christmas these days but didn't when I was younger simply due to the expectations of family. Now I'm free of that and can do as I please.

Covid is providing an excuse for many of us to wind down these obligations. Could you just get instant food in and say that you're on strike this year? And suggest that you're self-isolating so no visits thank you. I wish you a happy day whatever you decide.

Tell your DD how you feel all this pretending and putting on a show must be stressful for everyone including your husband and son who knows your DD may be pretending too and might welcome staying in her own home with her family

Before Coronavirus my hubby and I have been going to a hotel for Christmas. Thoroughly spoilt by staff, nothing to do but enjoy myself. Lots of people to talk to, lots of quizes, fun things to do during the day at the hotel and entertainment in the evening. A lovely happy atmosphere . Lovely hotel room with a balcony with a sea view. Lovely way to spend Christmas

Tell them that instead of them coming to you it would be nice if they can host you! Why havr you put up with it for so long???

We used to go to my parents every Christmas for 10 days from Holland. My mum put on an amazing spread and I thought she enjoyed doing it.
One year they decided to go to Tenerife for Christmas and I realised how hard it must have been having a family of four landing on her every year.
When we came back to the UK I always hosted Christmas so I felt I had done my bit.
I think your DD doesn't realise how hard it is for you and I am sure she would feel bad if she knew. Maybe find a tactful way of telling her you are beginning to find it too much.

I understand exactly what you mean. Like you, when my children were young, it was a lovely time. My grumpy parents always joined us.

My best advice is that if possible you and your son should start going to your daughters house instead. No slaving over the stove and you can leave when you've had enough, before the next round of food starts appearing.

Or opt for doing Boxing day.
I did that in the end. This year is different. I've no intention of seeing anyone over the Christmas period.
My daughter surprised me by accepting my decision without argument.
Not whilst the Covid vaccine is so temptingly near! My sleeve is permanently rolled up!

Try and remain positive. Being in constant pain is dreadful. Whatever you decide, I hope you can relax and have some enjoyment
Xx

actually its about jesus .a person that many people forget with all the glitz /money/ etc ,the gifts are meant to be just a small gift ,not new tvs/media/etc .i think christmas is a time to reflect and thank god that you are still alive and healthy.after all god made the world we live on ,he didnt make viruses to kill people .most of what is on our world is manmade .., be grateful for a little happiness in peoples lives ...bah hum bug !!

I suddenly feel very lucky with the relationship I have with my twin grandsons (11) and their parents. The boys were always quite spirited but respectful, thanks to their parents. When we are together at their house or mine we are interchangeable regarding checking the boys if the get lively. If I am trying to get their attention to try to calm them down, daughter or SIL will say listen to Grandma then I carry on. To have disrespectful kids running amok must be exhausting without all the pain you constantly endure grannyscrooge and I guess keeping a routine for your son. To constantly be concerned about them intruding into your drawers and rummaging maybe breaking things or hurting themselves is just not on.
I think you need to consider yourself and think what would make you happy, you matter too.?

What a relief to read your post Grannnyscrooge. What's the matter with Gransnetters who depend on their grandchildren so emotionally. Yes we all love our grandchildren but they don't really need us cooing over them all the time. We know what they need and how to provide it. Thank you Grannyscrooge for your very honest post. Happy Christmas.

Can you use covid as an excuse for not having the little gits round? We used to have a house full every year, three sons, our elderly parents and an old uncle. I think it’s our turn to be the elderly parents but it doesn’t always turn out that way. Sons argue about who’s turn it is and some years we get so fed up with it all, we book Christmas away for the next year. Then they express surprise that we won’t be around. Can’t win.

I agree with BlueBelle. We have 7 grandchildren and of course there have been virtually no indoor visits this year. Our AC and GC know the rules at our house. No going upstairs except into 1 room where we keep some toys. The other doors are shut except for the loo. No jumping on the furniture or taking food from the fridge or cupboards without asking first. Staying at the table during a meal with a toy or colouring book if necessary. We do provide some special activities for them when we can such as a table tennis net for the dining table, various films, board games etc. It seems to work well most of the time although there’s still a lot of clearing up when they’ve gone!

Rule no.1: Nan’s house - Nan’s rules.
Rule no.2: I have the right to say NO.
It’s self preservation.
P.S. it doesn’t always work.

Firstly put your foot down where the grandchildren are concerned. Tell them in a firm voice not to touch things. How dare their mother let them. Secondly decide to have Christmas without inviting anyone Covid is the reason anyway. Use it. I am not a fan of Christmad anymore Will be glad when the new year is here. Christmas just causes problems among families and debt

I think you have every right to call badly behaved children names. I wouldn't allow my grandchildren to run riot and invade my private things. Perhaps you could ask that they stay in one or two rooms in future? I would also ask your daughter for more help with the cooking etc. and if the visit gets too much, explain you need a nap of an afternoon now you are older and retire to your bedroom with a book. It's sounds to be like it's time to make changes.