I intensely dislike christmas.

actually its about jesus .a person that many people forget with all the glitz /money/ etc ,the gifts are meant to be just a small gift ,not new tvs/media/etc .i think christmas is a time to reflect and thank god that you are still alive and healthy.after all god made the world we live on ,he didnt make viruses to kill people .most of what is on our world is manmade .., be grateful for a little happiness in peoples lives ...bah hum bug !!

I understand exactly what you mean. Like you, when my children were young, it was a lovely time. My grumpy parents always joined us.

My best advice is that if possible you and your son should start going to your daughters house instead. No slaving over the stove and you can leave when you've had enough, before the next round of food starts appearing.

Or opt for doing Boxing day.
I did that in the end. This year is different. I've no intention of seeing anyone over the Christmas period.
My daughter surprised me by accepting my decision without argument.
Not whilst the Covid vaccine is so temptingly near! My sleeve is permanently rolled up!

Try and remain positive. Being in constant pain is dreadful. Whatever you decide, I hope you can relax and have some enjoyment
Xx

We used to go to my parents every Christmas for 10 days from Holland. My mum put on an amazing spread and I thought she enjoyed doing it.
One year they decided to go to Tenerife for Christmas and I realised how hard it must have been having a family of four landing on her every year.
When we came back to the UK I always hosted Christmas so I felt I had done my bit.
I think your DD doesn't realise how hard it is for you and I am sure she would feel bad if she knew. Maybe find a tactful way of telling her you are beginning to find it too much.

Tell them that instead of them coming to you it would be nice if they can host you! Why havr you put up with it for so long???

Before Coronavirus my hubby and I have been going to a hotel for Christmas. Thoroughly spoilt by staff, nothing to do but enjoy myself. Lots of people to talk to, lots of quizes, fun things to do during the day at the hotel and entertainment in the evening. A lovely happy atmosphere . Lovely hotel room with a balcony with a sea view. Lovely way to spend Christmas

Tell your DD how you feel all this pretending and putting on a show must be stressful for everyone including your husband and son who knows your DD may be pretending too and might welcome staying in her own home with her family

My sympathies, grannyscrooge and I understand how you feel. I look forward to Christmas these days but didn't when I was younger simply due to the expectations of family. Now I'm free of that and can do as I please.

Covid is providing an excuse for many of us to wind down these obligations. Could you just get instant food in and say that you're on strike this year? And suggest that you're self-isolating so no visits thank you. I wish you a happy day whatever you decide.

I live on my own in my lovely stone cottage, my EC hasn’t spoke to o me for 3 years nor am I allowed to see GC but she won’t tell me,what I’ve actually done and doesn’t believe I don’t know. I’ve had invitations but it’s been such a funny year I’m having Cornish crab and seeing no one except my dogs. Looking forward to it a good test! After all ITS ONE DAY!

Have you thought that your family only go to you because it's a habit that they think breaking would offend and hurt you? Maybe it would be better for everyone if you said that you no longer feel able to host Christmas anymore due to age, health or whatever. Don't go on hosting if it spoils your own Christmas, because it might just be spoiling everyone else's too. Changing the routine might be to everyone's benefit in the end. I began to dread having everyone here at Christmas, but have now found that as the family have grown up, they begin to go to other family members anyway. I've now got the relaxing Christmas I've wanted, and am perfectly content.

Aww bless you. I can sympathise with you, and you certainly have enough to contend with without catering for extra people even/especially at Christmas.
Time to be open with your daughter my love. Why don't you just say that you have got to the stage that cooking for so many has got too much for you. Perhaps suggest they bob in Christmas eve or Christmas morning for tea and cake. Tell your daughter you really enjoy her company, and perhaps invite her for a cuppa and chat on a regular basis.
By the way I don't look forward to Christmas anymore either, and as you say the present buying and wrapping becomes a chore. Maybe just give selection boxes, chocolates or tins of biscuits I'm sure they will understand.
Please look after yourself

I feel for you GrannyS
I love Christmas but not all the stress it seems to bring with it.
My Grandchildren are now teenagers and so lovely ( they are over the grumpy stage). Now we are invited to their homes for Christmas lunch so we can relax. Your turn will come once the children prefer to stay in their own homes and you can put your feet up and just help with the sprout peeling! Hang in there, it will come quicker than you think! ?

I dislike Christmas too, so much upheaval for what is basically a roast dinner.

The definition of ‘git’ in the dictionary is someone you dislike intensely. Very sad if that’s the case for you.

Surely your daughter knows about your medical condition. Why don’t you suggest going to her for Christmas?
Describing your grandchildren as ‘horrible little gits’ is awful.
Mine rampage through the house which I don’t always like but I could never describe them as ‘gits.’

You have the perfect excuse not to have family around this year. Use COVID as the reason. You can set the scene for the years to come. Your family might enjoy it so much that they will choose to do it differently in the future. Tell them NOW that you are self isolating until after you are safely vaccinated because they will need time to prepare their own plans. Hope you can have a happier Christmas

Dear Grannyscrooge, my very very best wishes to you. Pain is so awful. It can rob us of all joy. I hope you get through December okay and that 2021 is a better year for you.

I am so with you on that. I never liked Christmas as a child as I had an unhappy childhood and I think I have carried it through with me. I object to being taken for granted as the provider of food and cleaning up. Last year we managed to get away for Christmas, and Boy....that went well. Would have gone this year but for the obvious. Will certainly go next year, all being well. Make a stand and ask for help with chores.

PS paper plates would considerably lighten the work.

Your poor autistic son! Has he a room of his own that is strictly out of bounds to the visitors?

No one is entitled to give you a hard time Grannyscrooge. Have you considered doing Christmas at home for just you and your son? Whilst Covid19 is breaking some peoples' hearts, it might be just the reason for you to say "no mixing" this year. Say you are waiting for the vaccine to roll out and would prefer to keep your risk at a minimum, particularly with your health issues. You can always say how much you look forward to seeing them next year. If you say it today then everyone else still has time to reoganise themselves. Regarding your grandsons, I must say it would make me very angry to have children rifling through my stuff, and I would have to say something. I would never have dreamt of allowing my children to sort through other peoples' belongings, and I don't think it's "modern parenting" - it's bad manners. I have a very strict rule for anyone who comes to my house - "My house, my rules". I've always felt what people allow in their own houses is their business, particularly regarding their children's behaviour. But I don't have to accept it. I have to say, it has never stopped my friends or relatives bringing their children to visit. Everyone feels very welcome!!

I have not read all the posts, apologies, 6 pages!
just got this...

I don`t hate Christmas, it is what we have done to Christmas that I hate..

thankfully, my family agree with me , to a certain extent.

perhaps others have already said this..

one example Christmas is often expressed a Xmas! says it all for me,, delete Christ.

If this Pandemic has taught us anything it is that life is too short to be miserable, you may have left it a bit late to do anything this year but maybe in the new year broach the subject with your daughter, explain that you are in pain, she isn’t psychic and is wrapped up in her and the children’s lives and hasn’t realised that you are in pain and that you hate the current situation at Christmas, they could always start their own family traditional Christmas at home and invite you over just for Dinner on Christmas Day so you can enjoy the rest of the time how you want to next year but you will have to say something even it is very hard to do, you won’t be spoiling Christmas for anyone and may even enjoy it a little without the pressure you are putting on yourself , I hope you can sort it out as you will be happier and it will filter though to everyone else too

Dear Grannyscrooge, you didn’t explain in your post that you’re in continuous pain, nor that you have an adult autistic son - the latter being emotionally draining and the former being physically draining, esp if you’re on various medications. I too had two extremely mischievous and riotous little grandsons who are turning out to be charming and helpful young men - it’s only a phase and they’ve probably been cooped up a lot this year? I think you need to broach the subject with your daughter, son in law and husband if he’s still alive (you mention ‘we’). Plan for next year that all the work is divided up fairly between you. Also, that after Christmas lunch you and your daughter are going out for a couple of hours, a walk or coffee somewhere (even if it’s your own flask). The menfolk to ensure that everything is cleared and washed up by your return!

Wow, Some very smug opinions expressed. Well done, hope it all stays fine for you!
I was going to say I’m sorry you feel the way you do Grannyscrooge but really, why shouldn’t you. I’m a bit fed up with Christmas too. I agree with you, it is a huge amount of very hard work for what? I also have to bite my tongue when I hear parents allowing their offspring act in a way I wouldn’t have put up with. I suspect this is often guilt as they sadly spend so little time with them and I do sympathise with that. With respect, I’m sure you, like me, had many years of doing absolutely everything to make Christmas magical when your children were young. I do think you have to ask yourself why are you still doing it? It is time for your DD to take over her own family and make new traditions. I’m sure she does love coming to you!! Wouldn’t you have loved to have someone do all the hard work when your family were young? Maybe she feels she has to come to you because its better for her brother?Like some other posters have said, you will have to stand up for yourself. I hope you don’t think I’m being harsh or unsupportive but the change has to start with you. I know it is very hard to see the woods from the trees just now, but if you can get courage to face up to the way you feel and tell your daughter, hopefully you’ll be able to sort it out together and find a way for you all to enjoy the season. I’m not able to spend Christmas with my family due to Covid and tbh, I’m looking forward to not having all the work this year! It’s only one day, and I way prefer spending time with them all when things are less stressed! Happy Christmas to all, and especially those who are lonely. Being alone by choice is one thing, but my heart does go out to those missing family, lets hope 2021 is a better year.

Instead of a 'tree' why not get a large load of dead twigs and offcuts of some non -poisonous foliage;dump it in a corner with paper chains and Christmas crackers in it, presents also. The kids wont care if wrapping is sketchy and the 'tree' did not cost any money. What they like is the mystery .

As I said earlier, for food , give them in moderation the the sort of rubbish they probably prefer. Mine all loved Heinz ketchup with everything and still do at the age of 60 +. It is not much work to scatter xmas crackers and colorful mysterious objects among the plates of turkey twizzlers and french fries.

I do recommend to make available lots of very pink drink in large exciting bottles with no added sugar. Sugar is not good for kids who can become dehydrated on special occasions and that makes them hyperactive and bad tempered.

@grannyscrooge, I don't enjoy Christmas either! it's always hard work and I have two chronic, long term health conditions to manage - I'm not often well. Yet I absolutely adore my grandchildren! it's the adults who test my patience! I didn't have grandparent support for my two growing up but I had ever present grandparents when I grew up in the 70s. Best thing to do is to try to get to know your grandsons on their own. Young children need exercise so a run around outside before they enter your house is advisable. I too miss my daughters - the children they once were - but it's the grandchildren I focus on now & it's hard going with the contempt and rudeness their mothers throw my way. I sometimes work in learning support and miss the job I had in a local public school where the parents were always well mannered so it was easier to work with their children! Don't feel bad about not liking Christmas - it's not a crime! I dread the adults personally! The spite and unkindness isn't something I look forward to so I just endure for any window with the grandchildren. We have the children ( 2, 4, 6yo) over to stay frequently thank God!!