I intensely dislike christmas.

Future adults are raised by their families, and in some cases need rough edges smoothed away before school, uni, or the big wide world do it rather less pleasantly. Does nobody ever say “No” to these children? This “rummaging in drawers” needs to be stopped now, before they do it in a schoolfriend’s house, and are accused of stealing.

I am getting to feel that way I have my brother in hospital waiting to have an op. My dh goes in on the 17th Dec for a op.
My gd has left home and will be having Christmas with her partner. My dd doesn’t really like Christmas that much now.
Would love to just disappear to a cottage.

Toadinthehole we non-Christians celebrate at this time of year as we have always done, long before the Christians came along and hi-jacked the festival. It is the Winter Solstice when we gather together to share what ever warmth and food we have to keep us all going through the winter. You do not 'own' Xmas, it is for everyone, please be a little more 'Christian'!

Since my mum died Christmas isn't the same anymore. My sis comes to mine for Xmas Day and I feel like she's doing it because she feels she has too. She's like you, a total hater of everything Xmas. I used to love it, but now because it's only the two of us its just a long, boring day. She sits parked in front of TV remote in hand, unless out for the dogs walks, til she's putting her coat in to leave. Gone is the fun, games and laughter. BORING!

Sounds very difficult and at any time, Christmas or not, go for preprepared food, I started doing this when I realised no one was helping me at all, and I decided one year frozen roast spuds, sprouts everything, and no one noticed, if anyone had complained the answer would have been, OK no problem, you want fresh sprouts or whatever, that's your job to prepare them. I've never looked back. Also one year when the children were younger I ended up in a and e on Christmas eve, and couldn't do the things that I thought everyone would miss, but guess what they didn't so that was that
With regard to going through your things, I think unless you locknstuff away the only thing to do is set some boundaries beforehand. I always liked seeing all the different things at elderly friends and relatives houses, so it would be a shame if you had to completely hide everything away as well as a huge pain in the bum,, while it might be necessary as an emergency measure although you could hide the power cord , much better to tell mum and the children at a calm time when you're not frazzled that there are boundaries, if they want to learn how to use the sewing machine that's OK, you will show them one at a a time how to use it properly, no mucking around,, or how to use the tools. They are not toys, and visiting friends they would not be allowed to do that at a friend's house. A break sounds a good idea if you can manage it telling family that you are going to do it early in the year.

I have grown to dislike Christmas over a few years but this year my feeling is hate for the occasion. Think Covid has made me realise we do not need all the plastic trash on offer in the stores; the fancy highly priced fancy nibbles and foodstuffs; expensive presents. The only part of Christmas I enjoy is when children are young enough to be excited about a visit from Santa Claus. Not all children are spoiled present-wise but an awful lot are. Not their fault really,it's the responsible adults who are to blame. For me Christmas is just a maximisation of profits exercise for big companies and we the public soak it all up. A cottage in the wilds for me too but it would have to be from September when the Christmas season starts nowadays.

Grannyscrooge

I feel your pain even though I have good health.

If people have not been in your shoes they do not understand and are too quick to judge your comments. I am sure you do not mean what you have said about your grandsons but I would find it wearing with poor health and grandchildren running awire and getting away with it! What makes it worse is having a son with Autism. My grandson is autistic(he can be a nightmare)

You must have a great relationship with your daughter because she loves Christmas day with you, because of that I would if I were you say to her 'do you mind if we give it a miss this year? as you health isn't getting any better(or words to that effect) You owe it to yourself and your son to have a peaceful Christmas. ((((((Hugs)))))

Why on earth does everybody think that because they are your grandchildren you have to adore them!?,.
Sometimes they are not rosy cheeked little angels ,smiling softly ,cooing gently and sitting reading pretty picture books.
Sometimes Christmas is a freaking nightmare.
Sometimes smiling through Christmas is one of the hardest things you can do.
My respects to.you Grannyscrooge x

Nananananal.
Xmas whether you chose to celebrate or not is up to the individual.There are no hard and fast rules as far as I am concerned .

Jacquetta

Why on earth does everybody think that because they are your grandchildren you have to adore them!?,.
Sometimes they are not rosy cheeked little angels ,smiling softly ,cooing gently and sitting reading pretty picture books.
Sometimes Christmas is a freaking nightmare.
Sometimes smiling through Christmas is one of the hardest things you can do.
My respects to.you Grannyscrooge x

Well Said x

I've only just happened on this thread and haven't read all of it. I just wanted to say that we announced that we wouldn't be cooking a Christmas dinner ever again. Never. DH has always cooked for Christmas, feeding whoever wants to come, and he really couldn't face it anymore. It was their turn. The children much prefer to stay in their own home with their new presents anyway. It works much better if they stay at home. Tell them Grannyscrooge. Its their turn. You've done you share, now its their turn.

This year we shall be going to DS's house for the day. We will pay for the goose. We will go over mid-morning and return in the evening when we want to, to a nice quiet, clean house. Lovely.

I am sorry that you feel so awful. I think you are being very honest re ' gits' ....in using that word I think your physical pain and the stress of managing everything expresses itself. I know it doesn't mean you don't love your GC, but it is possible to not like their behaviour. (Child centredness often seems to mean that children are not taught boundaries and manners. )
I have no answers...I think your honesty in writing about your situation should be accepted. None of us know when circumstances might overwhelm us.
I hope that you will be able to find some peace and moments of deep contentment, if not happiness, this year.

With covid now the perfect opportunity to have the Christmas you want .
Why do you have to all sit down and have a meal together Xmas day, it’s time your daughter grew up a bit & took some responsibility
I used to see my mum , brothers & sister + families on Xmas eve. We all took food swopped presents & on occasion went to a christingle service. No pressure
Then on Xmas day celebrated in our own homes
This year is different , i won’t be eating with my daughter & grandkids , but we will meet for a socially distanced walk.
Christmas shouldn’t be a chore and if it is then it needs changing.
There are lots of companies that will deliver an Xmas meal to your house. Tell your daughter no, batten the hatches , get your dinner made and vegetate ..... sounds bliss x xx

I feel sad for you Granny Scrooge. I feel it is time for a full and Frank discussion with your daughter about the boys behaviour.
Calling your Grandson little gits does not bother me in the slightest, it sounds as though they are. I love my Grandsons dearly, but would not put up with bad behaviour in my home Christmas or anytime, how they behave in their own home is up to the parents.
My Grandson sometimes misbehaves in my house, as he is no Angel, but he is quickly told about it.
I love Christmas it's my favourite time of the year. I hope your heath improves and hope you have a happier new year.

I thought I was the only one
It be over soon
I hate the fake ness of it and all those things you said
I do like the tree so I’m going to get a living one and plant it outside
I think every Boxing Day I’m NOT doing it again but here we are
Snow drops and daffs will be sprouting by January
Keep strong ,, just a day
You could tell them to do the cooking ect ect and retire to bed ,, maybe not but a fantasy to me
A cottage in the middle of nowhere sounds perfect ,, with a lovely open fire
??

Grannyscrooge sorry your having a tough time I've just told my daughter that I'm not coming boxing day (I felt like the world's worst parent) she was upset but understood. As for next year if you can afford it why don't you all go out for Christmas lunch then back to HER house for the afternoon then a nice quiet evening at home.
And they can pay for themselves not you. ?

Oh Grannyscrooge, I really feel for you! I'm not surprised you are dreading Christmas, though I wonder if there are other issues going on for you too as you sound really low. I too have a chronic pain condition as well as a couple of other things which sap my energy and goodwill and would really struggle to host. I'm lucky in that I adore my grandchildren and they are really well behaved even though they are so full of energy it takes me 2 days to recover from having them overnight!

I wonder if it would be possible for you to have a chat with your daughter now about how you are feeling and how your condition exhausts you? I would suggest the other adults really ought to be helping out. These days I go to one of my DD's and although they do most of the hard work, I help prep vegetables, set the table and usually bring something towards dinner. Perhaps your DD could do veg prep or help you in the kitchen, it could give you time to have a chat? You should also not have to clear up without help. It can be hard to admit that we need help; I really struggled to admit I was no longer superwoman.

A practical solution for the "little gits" (made me laugh out loud, I've called my kids worse when they were young; there were 4 altogether plus 2 cousins, all within 3 years in age, and they were like marauding hordes!) could be to put bolts on the doors of the rooms you don't want them to go in, also before they leave they could have a tidy up time with a small reward for the best tidying. Leaving out some age appropriate toys (charity shop or ebay etc) can give them something to focus on rather than house destruction.

I really hope you manage to work something out, failing that would your son go away to a cottage with you.

Hi Grannyscrooge. Sorry you are feeling a bit down this year.
How about re-framing things? Plan a 'pleasurable revenge' for when they've gone back home. Spend the next day doing only what brings you joy. Get in special treats for yourself. A good book, nice magazines, favourite ready made meals and treats. Spend the day in bed if you want to. Watch TV , listen to music, just enjoy being quiet. Tell anyone who asks that you need to do this today to restore your energy. Be good to yourself. There should be enough leftovers and Christmas food for anyone else to sort themselves out for the day. If anyone asks why you are doing it just give them a big smile and say "Because I'm worth it". Very liberating. Enjoy.

Hi granny Scrooge, first I am so sorry you are suffering with your health and looking after your Autistic son, certainly not an easy life you have. Where is your hubby??
Believe me I do get what your saying as I suffer from Fibromyalgia and copd. And I have found over the last 20 years are harder the longer you are in pain, so I can certainly sympathise with you. Nearly 2 years ago I did a 3 way house swap. My youngest daughter moved from a flat to my old address so she is in a wee 2 bedroom house. Stairs were getting too much for me. I moved to a little 1 bedroom flat that is so much easier for me and the girl who lived in it moved to youngest daughter old flat. So now my house is too small to have both daughters and partners along with 5 grandchildren between ages of 20 down to 6. My daughters were great they always helped me thankfully but they had noticed I was struggling more each year that went by. So now I go to one daughter on Christmas Day. Am not allowed near kitchen!! Then boxing Day I go to the other daughter. Swap over every year. And now I love Christmas again. Try letting your daughter know that you are finding it harder as the years pass, and that if Christmas is to be your house that you will need the adults ALL to help and that way you don't have to do it all. I really hope you find a way. Merry Christmas ???

Dear Grannyscrooge... I think you really need to take care of yourself or even get support...Especially if your autistic son is demanding to the point of you being a carer, not just a parent. The line can be blurry.

How about you visit them in their own house, so you can just do a short visit, go home when you've had enough and not have your house ruined by the "little gits"

Living with resentments is stressful, so you owe it to your health ( especially during a pandemic) to be honest about your expectations. In future, dont allow them to visit but visit them and go home when you've had your fill?

You sound in pain, tired, and helpless not to do what's expected of you (or what you think is expected of you?) Maybe this is the year to say that you can't host them - your health can't take it, and suggest that you all stay at home and have a quieter Christmas, and then rethink next year? Personally, we're avoiding a family Christmas and going to a cottage by the sea. Can't wait.

I totally understand! But I have thought as I get more “mature” ?, maybe like the Grinch I’m seeing it’s really not the presents, the food or the tree but it’s what is inside me and then I come to realize it really is all about grace... grace for myself and grace for others.

I think you will probably have to grin and bear it this year, as you have left it too late to tell the family that you want to make a change.

Once Christmas dinner is eaten and the presents unwrapped, sit your daughter down, while someone else keeps and eye on the grandchildren and tell her that you are getting too old to do all the work for Christmas yourself.

Next year you hope she will take over and have Christmas in her own home, but it won't be your concern as you intend to go away for Christmas next year.

You may be surprised to find that she is happy to make the change.

Something has gone wrong in our generation. Our parents naturally took on Christmas once they had their first child, either inviting the grandparents or expecting them to keep Christmas on their own.

My grandparents were beloved guests, who were not expected to lift a finger when they came for a visit.

If you daughter is hurt or upset, do stick to your guns. You might want to consider locking your bedroom door when the grandsons visit, plus desk drawers etc. if you prefer not to have a family row about the children going through your things.

I would long since have told my daughter that while it is no concern of mine what she allows her children to do in their home, I, and I alone, decide what visitors, children or adults, friends or family do in my home and that going through another person's private property is rude.

I am in full agreement with you about Christmas. I understand completely how you feel. Lots of grandparents feel like you but are not as honest. Of course you have to host Christmas, you’ve always done it and that’s what we do.
We don’t have to love and adore our children or grandchildren. Children are so spoilt nowadays. They are never grateful for anything. (I’m sure there are exceptions???!) It’s the ‘Little Princess in the car’ syndrome.
I hope you feel better now. Just get it done but I would try and have a word with your daughter about how you feel. Only you can decide if there's any point.
I’m with you.