Ludicrous round robins. Who can be the braggiest.

I had a card from my cousins wife, writing in detail every ailment they have had and the pills that may or may not have cured them/ made them worse since last December.
Not the kind of card that you can pen a chirpy reply to really.

Ah Dinahmo I used to love reading Simon Hoggart in the Graun. Just looked up his name. He died January 2014 at the age of 67y.

Does anyone remember the round robins that Simon Hoggart used to post in the Guardian every Christmas. There's a link here to one batch

www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2011/jan/14/simon-hoggarts-week-christmas-letters

Personally I’ve had a quiet year, all I’ve been able to accomplish is renovating three of our 6 homes and used some marvellous wallpaper made of unicorn essence! DH has continued his work on clean energy and we should have completed saving the world from greenhouse gases by the end of February.
DD is in the running for supreme emperor of the world (as per the Illuminati and new world order rules, it’s her turn) - so world peace is a given obvs...
DS is a bit of a black sheep, so we won’t discuss how he circumnavigated the world in his tin can yacht in less than 30 days - I don’t know what that boy is thinking!
The dog has recently gained a bit of fame and has signed with Simon Cowell to release an album of 20’s jazz interpretative yodel barking.
Not our best year, but one does what one can....
???

DH has not sent any Christmas cards again this year and donated £12500 to homeless children charity.

DS has bought new house without a mortgage for £2 million and it has a five car garage for all his wife’s cars

DD has adopted sixteen rescue dogs and has given up work to care for them as husband has been promoted to CEO Bank of Zambia

GC1 is current ski champion of the world for his age (9) and will represent England at next Olympics.

Me. I have just finished my 927th crochet blanket for charity and been awarded first prize at County Show for my Victoria Sponge and homemade marmalade.

Terribull. Snap. We call them “a boast through the post”.

We received such letters from a family we knew at one time, jest not Laura they were practically as bad as your spoof outline. They got worse year on year, the list of children's achievements got longer, they were self sufficient from what they grew in their garden where the matriarch of the family as well as working spent spare hours toiling. The children as well as achieving academically were all musically gifted and enthusiastically embraced going round museums and art galleries on summer holidays, this was during their teenage years No mono syllabic grunts from these wonder kids, something we as parents expected from our own progeny, shuffling along and moaning and groaning if there wasn't a ride to be had. In fact if we did visit anywhere cultural ours went into serious bargaining negotiations along the lines of "I'll shut up about how boring this is if you buy me something I want" When one of my children was at his absolute worst, teenager from hell and beyond, we would get comments in their letters along the lines of "our children continue to make us very proud parents" the sick bag really needed to be adjacent whilst reading such drivel boastful snippets. Some years later we did find out at least one of the children, had a bit of a secret life, suffice to say it didn't fit in with the rosy picture they painted. These letters got so annoying at one stage, I have to confess I took to reading them out to Christmas/New Year guests, said guests having practically fallen off chairs in hysterics, once they'd picked themselves off the floor, thereafter clamoured to hear the "Round Robin" during their visits.

Then one year, we got a snippy note in card from the proud patriarch along the lines of "I gather from some (not us) that Round Robins aren't really appreciated. Someone obviously upset him

Even pretending. It doesn't come natural somehow.

Honestly, I couldn't brag if my life depended on it.

Hahahahahaha, that'll be right Pantglas. It rings a bell.

Well, here goes

OH has been carrying on with ‘er next door, so I’ve slung ‘im out!

DS can’t find his Lottery Ticket with last week’s winning Jackpot Numbers - we think the dog’s chewed it!

DD entered her works Beauty Pageant for Xmas Eve and has got the mumps.

GC1 was down for the solo in the Xmas concert and has laryngitis, GC2 was to be the Donkey back end in Nativity play but has diarrhoea and GC3 was picked to be baby Jesus and has Whooping Cough.

The dog is doing well......merry Christmas

Laura best laugh I have had today. My news can beat that though. The Queen has invited me for Christmas Lunch and my DS ,who is an astronaut will be rocketing off to the moon tomorrow. My baby GS has just read War and Peace at age 1 year and GD has got into Cambridge aged 3.

OH was so thrilled to win sexiest older man of the year (for North Yorkshire) again! My darling daughter is about to launch her third vegan restaurant cum cookery school and my son goes from strength to strength in the fascinating world of MI5 (ssshhhh).
Thank goodness we’ve managed to get the two youngest grandchildren into the same house at their boarding school - it’s the one all the best people attended to be honest! Such a relief they don’t have to suffer that ghastly comprehensive just down the road. I mean really some of the pupils there don’t even wear a blazer!
Well now in strictest confidence....DGS1 ....it has been whispered that he’s in line for a Nobel prize for science !!!
Anyway that all our news ! Have a lovely Christmas - we are off to St Moritz, do hope we shan’t have to do any silly mask wearing there