worried about christmas

travelsafar, please don't worry! Christmas is about having a nice day or two with family - as far as possible, not stressing and rushing around the shops. Give that a miss.

I've never enjoyed shopping, but used to do the mad dashes when the kids were young. These days I just don't do it.

Ask your children what the grandchildren want - then order online or just send the money. I even get things gift wrapped and delivered to their address (lazy, I know). If they don't know what they want, send vouchers (John Lewis online ones are good).

I collect special food treats and sometimes little gifts for a lucky dip. I make a couple of my famous trifles too - so arrive with stuff, not empty handed, to dinner with my daughter - then just enjoy the day and help out a little!

As my DC & DGC have got older I have settled into the pattern of buying them a special Christmas bauble for their collections. I write the year of gifting on it with a metallic marker, wrap it in coloured tissue paper and pop it in a box on top of a voucher or cheque.
I get the satisfaction of choosing the decorations & wrapping the boxes and they get something to spend.
Win win all round.

Ask them to make a "wish list" for gifts they would like. They will have an idea of the value of gifts you usually give so should be able to pitch at a reasonable level. My family does this as we are widespread and need time to organise and post or have delivered direct. Grand you are included in family gatherings for Christmas.

travelsafar
What would your family say if they knew you were this worried about Xmas presents?
I know what mine would say. Probably both saying the same thing.
Please don’t worry ?

I think it’s natural during such a difficult time in your life to worry more than necessary about something like this. You could put some of the burden on to your AC by asking for suggestions. I’m sure they will understand. It’s still very early days so why not just take a relaxed stroll around the shops telling yourself that there’s no need to buy anything at this stage. Take pen and paper to jot down any ideas. There are lots of things out there if we look. For example for my GDs birthday I saw a card game costing £5. She and her family play it frequently. Doing some research would take you out of the house. Try supermarkets, garden centres and farm shops as well as shopping centres. You’ll be surprised what you find and you’ll get through your gift list easily. A small gift to unwrap plus a gift card is another option. Turn it into a pleasant activity rather than a source of anxiety.

Bizarrely I have found the thought of Christmas makes me more anxious than a dental appointment.
I have had the usual ups and downs ..plus some as an adult
Christmas as a child was nice, quite good memories
But have found it a flat experience from since I became a single parent. I think the combination of an elderly grieving Mum with the beginnings of dementia and being broke just scarred me. Most other things throughout the year and over the years I have coped with and come out the other side well.
A hard one to describe this Christmas phobia
On the other hand I really genuinely look forward to New Years Day

I bought restaurant vouchers for the older ones so they could go for a meal. The nephew who is at Uni got cash because as you know all students are desperate for money lol
I made up a hamper for me and DH of all our favourite treats, he loved it and I’m still trying to get the weight off now.

It's my first Christmas without DH too. I'm giving all my family money. I've asked for their Bank Account numbers and I will transfer it on 23rd December. I have managed to get little novelty gifts costing under £10 just so they have something to open. Even though I probably won't even see at least two of my AGC at Chrsitmas at all.

Sounds like your family has been very thoughtful and really planned a lovely Christmas for you . We have a family secret Santa where the family names go in a hat and so you just get one person to buy for . You can nominate an amount for it . The person can ask for a surprise or send suggestions it aoejj ki s really well for us and we don’t end up buying lots of stuff nobody really wants but we do get an actual present to open up . Maybe you could do that ? I’m sure it will all be fine whatever you do xx

Home made sloe gin plus vouchers

Just give everyone you can a gift card and send it in a nice card telling them how much you appreciate them. Really - gift giving needn’t be hard if you have the money for it. Younger people particularly appreciate this!
For adults you don’t feel you can send money to how about flowers or biscuits in the post? Last year I sent my elderly parents and my in-laws Christmas bouquets on 23 December and they were so happy I will be doing that again though and also for my aunt who needs a bit of TLC. I’ve also ordered online beautiful biscuits or chocolates for friends and relatives for Christmas which they’ve loved.

How about vouchers for meals out or theatre tickets. They could put them towards a pantomime. It was recently a nephew's 40th and four of us clubbed together and bought Ticketmaster vouchers so he can buy tickets for a gig/concert. They were well received.

My family just send the links to the things they want and then I just order them straight off the internet. So easy!

I put together a photo album each of my two adult son's lives from all the photos I had collected over the years. They were both thrilled with them and didn't cost a lot. Two nice albums and many hours printing off the photos. Well worth while.

We all have far too much and get swept up in the commercial frenzy of Christmas and it can become a very 'loaded' time. It's actually a spiritual festival and whether one is a Christian or not, it can be a time of stillness and inner reflection, if one can slow down enough. To me personally that is much more valuable than any over indulgent meal or material gift. It doesn't mean that I don't have fun with my family but it brings a calmer energy to things for us all. And my being calm is the best gift I can give my family! The pressure is off.

There are lots of charities who offer to give clean water, safe toilets, seeds, a cow, etc to people across our planet who have almost nothing. They send a card to the person who 'gave' the gift via you and let them know who they are helping.

I just groan inside when I get yet another pair of socks or scarf I won't wear or a trendy knick knack for my already full home when I know someone somewhere could have put that money towards getting out of abject poverty.

We’ve started doing Secret Santa. Everyone buys one present from a wish list. We set our budget at around £75. Kids are excepted.

I get mine to make wish lists on Amazon, then I can pick things off the list that I know they want and that is within my budget.

"its the first year with out DH..."

I'm so sorry. And, let's be honest, EVERYTHING'S going to be a worry until you settle into the new routine. And, remember, they're much more worried about you than you are about them. Do accept help when offered.

Don't give vouchers unless they're for a shop you're SURE the recipient uses. Even those 'universal' gift cards are of only restrict use. Cash is much safer. Trust me, no-one will be insulted!

travelsafar do what you can from your armchair, magazine subscriptions, few months of flower deliveries, or cheese, or gin there are a myriad now, verify the sites buy checking ‘best………..’.
Lady year I did gardeners world for 6 months for one person and two lots of cheese delivery three months apart for another.
Your family will appreciate anything, it’ll be just having you with them that’s important, try not to worry.

As my Mum got older she would give my sister and myself money to use for our families. That way we could go to the pantomime as a gift from Granny or, as they got older, I’d split it into 3 and get vouchers for my older two and a small gift for the youngest. That always worked well.

Now we are older we don’t buy for adults (although I give my adult niece and nephews money). I buy Smyths vouchers and a book for our GGC and littlest grandson.

Agree not to buy for each other or just agree to buy token gifts say for £5. It’s what we did years ago (apart from for any little ones). It take the strain off everyone.

Vouchers for theatre trips, hotels or meals out are good to give and receive. They can usually be used for about 1 year - a treat to look forward to!
Our grandchildren ( under7) get a few ‘pound shop’ bits- craft items- things to make & play with on the day- then money via a bank transfer put into their bank accounts.
Think Secret Santa is a good idea for adults.

Don’t buy anyone anything and don’t expect anyone to buy you anything. Works for me.

I see no real difference between giving vouchers and giving money, so whichever you feel comfortable with would be an idea.

It doesn't however answer your question as to how much in money or money's worth to give.

I don't really think any of us can answer that for you, as we don't know either your or your adult children's circumstances, which are certainly not our business either.

Dicuss the whole issue with your children - I never give presents without asking what the recipient would like. To me it is idiotic spending time and money on something that goes straight out to the bin or the charity shop!

In you place I would either make up my mind how much I want and feel I can afford to spend, or discuss the possiblity of placing an upper limit on the amout with your children.

In my husband's family, only children under 18 are given presents. I was horrified when I heard this and couldn't see how the children ever learned to give people anything if they were not brought up to go shopping for presents for their parents and grandparents. It does, however, save quite a bit of money.

Any changes you might want to make should be talked over with the family now before anyone starts their Christmas shopping.

I'm with Philippa111 about charity gifts. Last year I bought a years sponsorship of a Peregrine Falcon at the Kielder Birds of Prey Centre for my Brother in Law, who loves Birds of Prey, and due to Covid Restrictions, a lot of charities and Visitor Attractions have suffered. The Bird of Prey Centre send a Certificate and photo, also put up a plaque at the Centre.