Post Christmas Empty Nest Syndrome

Many years ago I remember crying when my only son, then in his 20s, left us after Christmas. When he was with his girlfriend now wife’s family one year I arranged for us to stay nearby as we had friends in the area. He obviously found this very annoying and we didn’t see him even though we were only a few miles away. Now I understand why. Many years later we also have a daughter in law and two young granddaughters. They’ve just stayed with us for five days and whilst I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it it’s a relief to have some peace and space. And I know I’ll see them again in a couple of weeks.

Rice Pudding, I am actually toying with the idea of getting a kitten. I've had cats all my life but not for a few years now as my last two dear little cats were both run over and killed at fairly young ages. The last one used to walk alongside us when I took the dog out. She was rather wonderful.

Yes, I too am missing having a houseful of lovely, entertaining youngsters, but the end of it was softened by mutual planning of the next get together. My late DM used to hate it when my brother and I went back to our respective homes, used to send us photographs of their dog, sitting all depressed amongst the stripped down Christmas tree!

Nannina

I think I must be odd or even hard hearted! I love to see family and friends and have them stay but it’s also nice to see them go so I can revert to my old routine and have peace and quiet

Not hard hearted at all Nannina I feel that way too. Lovely to see them but nice to get back to normal. I'm sure we are not alone in this.

Am also feeling low as had lovely AD for 5days and now gone back to London- it appears to take me longer now to readjust to being on my own again… warm hugs to everyone feeling like this🤗

My only son died in November, so this was my first Christmas totally alone and the realisation that every Christmas will be like that now is crushing.

I find putting my favourite film on, or listening to some upbeat music, or going for a nice long walk (or all 3!) really cheers me up.
And definitely invite a friend over for lunch. Sending you a hug (even though I don't know you) :-)

GrannyGrunter, I’m with you this year. I have found it tough and honestly I’ll be relieved when new year is over and I can relax.

I do sometimes crave an empty house. Must be bliss sometimes. I have grown up adults here (saving for mortgages) plus 2 grandchildren and elderly mother to care for. The house runs smoothly, but the endless washing, cooking school runs etc can be exhausting. Sometimes. feel like I have reverted back to doing the same things I did 30 years ago. Not what I expected my retirement to be. But would I then miss all the liveliness in the house if they all moved out. !! Can't win really. Happy New Year Ladies.

fancythat

I am a younger granny.
I couldnt possibly do it all if I was 81.

I am totally with you, love to see them come, love having them, but glad to see them go. I spent Thursday cleaning, clearing, beds, and putting everything back where it should be. At the end of the day, I am grateful we make the effort as a family to get them all together at least once a year, and our 3 bed house is the only place suitable as it is central for everyone.
8 grandchildren and 4 extra adults is hard going, though getting easier the older they are getting. The 5 ranging in age between nearly 5 and just 10 seem to have stopped trying to out shout each other thankfully, and the 4 girls did go upstairs and play nicely together.
DD1 bought a very noisy very irritating toy for DD2's nearly one year old as revenge for all the noisy irritating toys she has bought for her kids over the years, very glad to see the back of that toy.

Yes, ditto to much of the above. So much laughter and now silence. Likewise, the sales didn’t help & as I pencil in my eyebrows the memory of the hilarity which greeted my horrified reaction when I realised that I wasn’t alone, having gone downstairs browless, just amplifies the loss. BUT …. I have those memories, & it was a wonderful few days. Yesterday I received a kind, generous & thoughtful gift from the chemo team, had a pang of self pity that there was no one to show it to, so put a photo on our WhatsApp group. They’re all still with us, just not in person for now.

Juniewoonie

My only son died in November, so this was my first Christmas totally alone and the realisation that every Christmas will be like that now is crushing.

So very sad for you - sending love and hugs

I don’t get too wrapped up with Christmas anymore because it passes quickly and then there is the anti climax. Also having lost my dear mum who was central to Christmas. What myself and partner do is have a simple time and then go away to the sun in January. Two weeks to Madeira this time! If you can afford it, it is great to have something good planned in the winter months to look forward to.

Juniewoonie

My only son died in November, so this was my first Christmas totally alone and the realisation that every Christmas will be like that now is crushing.

- well done for getting through this difficult year and Christmas.

I'm sorry Junie, what a terrible loss

M,

My nest is still very much full with various offspring and partners, house is a tip and I’m going food shopping again this afternoon!
Sounds like it’s time you got a kitten.

I feel exactly the same OP, bereft when they’ve all gone. But I’m fortunate that DGD lives nearby and I’ll see her briefly later, as well as most days next week when DD goes back to work!! I do a big clean/sort out after all the Christmas stuff goes and that helps. Also buy lots of flowers.
Juniewoonie I’m so sorry to hear this.

Juniewoonie there really are no words, my heart goes out to you

I may be unusual but spent Christmas Day without any of my four children and loved it. Our children are based all over the country so for various reasons (mainly work) rarely have them all at home at once. Last Christmas was the first time in years that we had the whole family home for Christmas so I felt under a lot of pressure to make Christmas Day special. I had to work Christmas Eve and Boxing Day so wanted to spend as much time as possible with kids on Christmas Day. They all had a lovely time but I hated it. I ended up doing everything and just felt overwhelmed.
This year two of my daughters are travelling, one in Asia and the other in South America. My other daughter is in Tenerife with her partner. Her partner has a difficult relationship with members of his family so didn’t want to spend Christmas with them but didn’t want to upset his Mam by coming to us!
Our oldest child is vegan (which made cooking Christmas lunch so much more difficult) and lives several hours drive away so decided to spend Christmas with some vegan friends. My husband and I booked a meal at a local hotel which was delicious. I had no extra cooking, washing up or leftovers. We sent all the kids money and FaceTime's them all but didn’t do any presents. It was perfect.

families! there are some that i'm glad to see the back of, others can make me weep. take care of yourself....

You can’t win can you I’m the same! Miss my boys especially the youngest one he and I are very close he came Christmas Day then back to his and new girlfriend. I’m so happy for him as he’s been on his own for a while now but I do. Miss him.

Can you just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet?
I know I would. In fact, I’m quite relieved when visitors leave and I can finally settle down to do my crossword puzzles in peace.

Juniewoonie I am so sorry to hear this 💐

I can totally understand that. I have care of my adult grandson who lives with me & is autistic, has dyspraxia, visual impairment , anxiety & OCD. His Mum (my daughter) has long-term mental health conditions, and comes over with his 2 younger pre-teen (half) siblings (who live with their father ,somewhat problematically ) every day of Xmas. Another daughter comes every day too, helps loads but is now limited as to what she can do as she had a stroke 3 months ago. All have just left until Monday (New Year's Day) & so just self & Grandson for the next day & a half. We aren't even doing anything for NYE ( I usually have open house, with First Foot & eveything) but we've had some dreadfully sad years, including many bereavements & much ill health throughout my large family. We are now enjoying time with numerous cats & ancient dog & enjoying the time to replenish. Happy New Year all.