Post Christmas Empty Nest Syndrome

I spent christmas alone although did speak to son and family. They were ill , my son has another ear infection and as he has already had an operation somewhat worried for him etc. Back is very painful and struggling around a bit. Had hoped to meet them today but grandson is also not well so that is not on. So things are as they are. Miss my lovely husband always but even more at the moment as we always did something special in this in between time from christmas and new year. We used to be able to go to a great place that you could get a marvellous dinner for a lunch price. just at this time Always had champagne taste and beer money!! So yesterday managed to go swimming despite horrible weather , but didnt want to let myself make excuses to avoid swimming. I try to go two or three times a week as it is something I can do when I cannot walk well etc. So even however hard it is to get going I feel better for the effort and award myself a coffee afterwards. So my ideas would be firstly, just think of a person or place you would like to go to and havent seen for ages , make a picnic and take off. Leave the house to look after itself and remind yourself that there is a lot of things to look forward to. Then look on the national garden scheme site and find out the nearest wonderful snowdrop garden you will be able to look forward to seeing at the beginning of february usually. That is always worth while to me - I am a galanthophile and had over 80 different kinds in my last garden. Treat yourself to the new yellow book ready to go mad and make 2024 they year of visiting gardens. A great joy to look forward to. I have every intention of visiting as many gardens as I can this year. They are all worth visiting, you can g o alone or with friends, you are supporting the charity and getting great ideas for your own garden and will no doubt meet many more garden lovers. Have a look now and see what new short courses are beginnning in january. Maybe try something you have always wanted to do but even better go mad and try something you have never thought of before. Its something to look back on and be glad you tried it even if you never want to do it again. Right now bad back or not I am considering going on a zip wire!! On a horrible day like today with rain ,cold and miserable weather altogether not worth being outside in. So I think this is the time to get out the maps or atlas. You have a great simple choice. You can choose either somewhere you always love or somewhere you have never visited but always meant to and check it out. Then check the car or the train, pack a bag and go go go!! It will be the start of a year of your choice. Who knows what the future will bring. I know that there are things to face this year that will be hard but in the meantime I mean to be as independant as possible, prove to myself I can still hack it and am determined to enjoy something new. Hope you will be able to do the same and then you can write to your family and let them know how things are going and they will feel less guilty about leaving you on your own. Good luck and let me know what you decided to do. Who knows we may meet in some strange place!!

Thank you for posting this. I drove my 26 year old younger daughter to Euston station to catch her train back to Manchester and felt as if a bit of my insides had been torn out. As I always do.

Thank you Ilovedragonflies for creating this post as it’s confirmed that it’s not only me who feels this way. When my son first left home some 5 years ago, I was bereft and not only that, when he visited me or I visited him, I would struggle mentally. It was awful as although I wanted to see him desperately, I knew I would feel so bad when we parted that I sort of dreaded it too. It’s only got better since I’ve been taking anti depressants. I still feel it, just not so bad. He’s going back on Monday and I’m not looking forward to it. I still get emotional and terribly sad. Of course, I’m glad he’s got a good life but us Mums have to let them go as hard as it all is. I hope you are feeling better now. I usually do after a few days and get back to my old routine. I’m glad you’ve got your lovely dog to keep you company. Mine is a godsend. Take care xx

I do feel for you Ilovedragonflies.
My sons and families live near so I see a lot of them, but Christmas after the family meet ups Christmas/ Boxing day/ day after (not every day) can be a bit quiet. My partner is self employed so he is soon back at work and it can often feel quite empty or flat after Christmas.I do appreciate how lucky I am behind near my family, but I well remember my mum being very quiet after she used to come on holiday with myself and my late husband and her grandchildren. When I asked her what was wrong she used to say that she had to re-adjust to being alone again. I have thought of that often as I have got older, and do think a lot of life is about adjusting and accepting, but that doesn't make it any easier.
I hope you settle back into your copeable normal way of life soon. Christmas brings it's own problems doesn't it?!

Thank you madeleine 45. Such a positive post. Gransnet help at its best.

Big warm hugs to you and your dog xxx

Was just saying to the youngest, I want to keep them. Like pets! But happy they’ve flown the nest and making good lives. That is our job as parents. It is bittersweet the parting, though.

Ilovedragonflies…I do hope you decide to get a kitten…I don’t think you can ever be sad when you have a lively bundle of fur (or three!) running around and, if you’re lucky, as I have been with my last two, you’ll get a real cuddle bug, who purrs every minute and graces you often with their comforting warmth on your knee. Mine also get on very well with my two dogs, particularly the kitten with the younger dog, and are such fun to watch. I wish you better luck if you do get another kitten…I also have lost a couple on the road, although not where we live now, so I know how heartbreaking it is, but I try to keep mine as indoor cats now, with access to a cat proofed garden for that reason and it works well.
In the meantime, I spent a couple of hours this afternoon, after the airport run, cleaning and tidying my son’s bedroom to its pre-Christmas state…with the kitten ‘helping’ to make up the bed, so it is ready for his next visit, which I will look forward to, whenever it may be🤍🤍

Totally empathise will all above comments. Have had lovely Xmas with all children, partners and grandchildren home (not all at same time). Last one left today and feeling bit sad but need to remind myself that I am fortunate to have children who are happy in their lives and that we have a good relationship with them and their partners so they want to come home

Juniewoonie

My only son died in November, so this was my first Christmas totally alone and the realisation that every Christmas will be like that now is crushing.

So sorry for the loss of your dear Son {{{Huggs}}}

I know exactly what you mean. My youngest son came home on 21st December and then his partner joined us on Christmas Eve. The house was buzzing and I cried when they drove off. Empty nest syndrome is a real thing.

I’m another who gives a sigh of relief as I close the door.
Love having them here and love going to them but we like our own company too. Do what we like, when we like. We’re the same at our seaside abode. They love to come and we love it too but , oh the joy when we’re ‘back to normal’.

Of course I understand that with family abroad or a long journey away, it would be very sad to say ‘goodbye’ so I’m lucky we have ours ‘near by’.

Sorry to hear it's made you sad but enjoy the quiet! We had DD, DSiL, DGC, DS and partner and my Mum here and I was so relieved when they all went home!!!

Me too. I have been with my daughter and family for more than two weeks. My elder daughter joined us and we’ve had a lovely time. I will be driving home to Wales
on Thursday.
You have described exactly how I will feel at first.
I know after the first couple of days I will fall into my usual routine with my friends but the transition is really hard.
Happy New Year everyone

On the empty nest issue - my son and daughter live local with their families and I see them often but there’s nothing like that contented feeling when we go away on holiday and we are all under the same roof. I hope I never lose that feeling 😊.

It good to know there are others that feel the same , and I’ve had great comfort from reading all your posts thank you? I’ve had a tumultuous year that resulted in me stepping outside my own front door for the first time n 35 years. I’ve been house bound and bedbound with chronic illness and was in a wheelchair in April. I ended up in hospital which was my greatest fear for those 35 years. It turned into such a positive experience that for some reason, 2 days after returning home I decide to open my front door and walk outside. I did 100 steps. Came back to bed and felt I had climbed Mount Everest. I continued every day, walking and getting stronger and fitter each day. I went into a shop for the first time on my own!it was surreal, I am now in better health than I have been for over 35 years. I still have a disability and need help , but my life has transformed beyond belief. I’ve joined groups, ade lots of new friends, been on holiday. Took my daughter away for the first time in her life and she is 43. Alongside this joy though is the biggest pain and hurt I could ever have imagined. I split up with my husband of 44 years. My choice, as a consequence 2 of my daughters have cut all contact with me, I haven’t seen my 2 youngest grandsons since March. So believe me when I say t the ripe old age of 67 I’ve realised joy and sorrow can live in the same body side by side. I cry daily for my family…. Yet I am the happiest I have been for so so so many years. I now walk a minimum of 6,000 steps a day. Unbelievable when my daily count on average for 2022 was77. I have unburdened my self here and thankyou for he chance to do that. Happy new year everyone on Gransnet, 😍

Wow, 62dg , how liberating it must be to get your life back. I am sorry that your marriage broke up and that your daughters cannot understand why it was necessary for you. I wish you a happy New Year and hope your family situation changes for the better.

Didn't you do well 62dg sorry to hear about your DD, fingers crossed they'll be back.

Happy new year all xx

An inspiring post 62dg. I hope 2024 continues for you in The same way.

So sad for you, Juniewoonie. My heart goes out to you for your terrible loss. May you come to terms with some sort of peace as time passes.

62dg - your life would make for an interesting book.
That is the sort of true story book that I like and buy.

Such sorrow and joy in your life 62dg things have changed so much for you in a short time. I hope you continue to enjoy all your new experiences and that your family reunites. Best wishes for the New Year.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your son Juniewoonie I hope you find peace and the strength to move forward in 2024.

I know how you must be feeling/ my two daughters/ partners & GC have been here for 10 days . It’s been truly lovely to have them all around. Lots of fun & laughter . They have all left today. As they live abroad it really feels like a huge loss as I don’t know when we will be together again. Our little dog looks forlorn too. I have a lump in my chest. It’s so hard

I always feel like that as well, my DS and DIL arrived on 17 th with their dog, we ve had loads of dinners out, drinks, socialising, dog walks and they ll be leaving tomorrow, I hate when they go but I know they ll be back and in the meantime I ll get back to relative normality, childminding grandchildren, getting fitter and catching up with friends oh and lots of reading all the fab books I got for Christmas

No, this is the time that I get energised. I have thrown out loads of old paperwork, dusted the spare room shelf that gets frequently overlooked, finished that book, re-started my crochet project and finally sorted the big pile of resources to pass on. My garden bin is full, despite the weather. Bought some new curtains.