How to tell them you didn’t like a present!

We got together some time ago and agreed on the 'list' method for Xmas with the proviso that nothing on the list could be over a certain amount of money and likewise, the total amount mustn't be over X amount either.
It's worked really well.
I brought up my brother (he was very young when my parents died) and there's a big age difference so it's a strange brother/ son relationship and for birthdays, both my son and brother.....we have 'our day of fun'.
The gift is tickets for an event, cinema, theatre or a meal, day trip etc.
Time is spent together and we've created lovely memories.

Oh difficult one since my sons have got married my gifts are definitely what ‘ the wife ‘ likes …. I received a seeding calendar ( I don’t garden seriously just few bedding plants ) and a set of glasses I’ve cupboards full of them … they give lists I’m definitely getting on board next year . My gifts are in a bag waiting to go to charity shop I’m more sad that it’s what they think of me . I’m ignoring this years but definitely list next year … it’s my birthday soon and I’ve already said no flowers ….

It's awkward isn't it. I have a large box filled with candles and body scrubs and creams. I never use any of those things.
I asked my son for a jigsaw and showed him the artist I like but he bought me a boring scene instead.
Not being ungrateful but the other son has bought me many large ugly souvenirs from abroad. I put them down in the spare room.
I used to wonder why my mother never used any of my presents and often gave them back later but now I know. At my age I don't need any more stuff.

We (me, my mother and my two adult children and SIL) all have Amazon wishlists - that we use for Xmas and birthdays - yes maybe it's less spontaneous but it does mean we can all buy each other things we actually want!!

I’m fortunate I get perfume and toiletries which I love and saves me spending on them. I wouldn’t say anything it’s the thought that counts.

When I buy or receive presents, it never bothers me or my family that have chosen them if they’ve got it wrong! Then they can be exchanged or returned, which is far better than being stuck with something you don’t want or like. We usually are quite precise in what we would like, so surprises are few, which saves a lot of bother.

Good advice 62Granny 🙂🩷

You don't tell them and just regift and the money you save doing that you buy yourself something you would like.

Send them a wish list with a range of products. Make sure there’s a range of prices. Or a book list of books you want to read. We do this. You don’t have to get all the items but is a little guide. 👍

Every November we do a list on our family WhatsApp Works so much better and everyone gets what they want and like. Just make the suggestion you do this at this coming Christmas x

It is not 'ungrateful' not to want a. gift that is unsuitable. It's a heartbreaking waste of time and money, but I wouldn't say anything. Address the matter next time around by suggesting a list or some other arrangement for you all as suggested by other posters

For many years I've had a "nothing that gathers dust" rule for presents I would like.
They all know, because I've told them so often it's become a standing joke, that I like nice handcream, cheap wine, and gin.
That covers everyone's budget and, between Christmas and my birthday, means I rarely have to buy any of these items for the rest of the year 👍

My kids always know ….’cos I tell ‘em . I get what I want ….they don’t make mistakes. Everybody happy. And my list is always books! I give a list , and they choose between them who is buying which .
As my birthday and Xmas are within two weeks of each other …it’s all very neat .

You could suddenly have developed very sensitive skin which is reacting to the wool and perfume, and this has made you think of the environment, so you’d prefer some flowers or special food in future.
Best to say it now, rather than near your birthday.

Namsnanny

Re package back to the gift giver next Christmas maybe?😂

Humourous !!

I would do same .. if it was really a scent I did not care for.

Cossy

Every November we do a list on our family WhatsApp Works so much better and everyone gets what they want and like. Just make the suggestion you do this at this coming Christmas x

Since our daughters and son in laws are adults, we do a list of some wants or when they visit during the holidays we always take them out for a wonderful dinner and gift a physical gift to the 3 grandchildren and 2 canines of course.

We do discuss the subject in October, as to a possible what do you need or wish to have ?

We had our twin daughters visiting with their husbands, 2 canines and the 3 grand kiddos for 3 weeks.

My husband covered their 2 hotel rooms. The grandchildren and the 2 canines stayed with us.

They know I collect cashmere and 100% wool scarves and so one gave me a 2 scarves each in different neutrals. And the other knows I love Carolina Herrera and so, I received a bottle of her classic perfume.

The Kids were so happy to be able to spend their holidays with us and the 2 canines as well .. They had our 2 Birman as playmates and was just wonderful.

In 2022, we visited one of the twins and the other twin travelled with us and her 2 children and her canine.

We take turns however, we truly do not enjoy flying during the holidays. It is horrendous, with long queues and delays etcetra.

If I'm stuck I get a planter for the front door for male or female.

I hate it when my adult children buy me useless presents. For my birthday last summer my daughter bought me a polyester nightie size 16 I only wear cotton in bed and I’m a size 20 ! My son isn’t much better I told him I was desperate for a new house phone as I had dropped mine so I would appreciate it if he bought me one, he said he would. My birthday arrived also a florist delivery with a massive bouquet of flowers from him, lovely but as I suffer from hay fever I donated them to the church and I bought my own phone. My niece bought me a basket of non flowering plants, my friend an orchid, my cousin a set of three books written by a local author, and two other friends joined together and treated me to a hair appointment to have high lights done, so there are plenty of ideas for gifts for old ladies 😊

Suggest you give them a list of things you'd like - this works very well for our family.

I bought my mother some woollen tights, as she felt the cold. She wore them on a long coach journey and was driven mad by them itching.
She had no problem at all in telling me about them!😁

Doodledog how about a food hamper? Or money for her to spend on what she likes?

We that’s the royal we… usually get stocking type pressies as well as a main one for family. Our DiL Christmas 2022 said that she would give the smellies we bought her to her Mom as she could only use Aveeno…

We would never dream of saying that we didn’t like something…. I did spot fine bone china mugs with Nanna and Grandad on which I did point out - but Father Christmas never brought those… hey ho birthdays are still to come…

In our family if it is a clothing item we include a gift receipt in an envelope just in case it is the wrong size/colour/not to the recipient’s taste. This way, if it is liked we have no need to look at the receipt and if not it saves embarrassment all round.

No, we've bought hampers before, only to get items back as she'd never use them, or 'it's not worth opening them as they'd go off before they were used', and my mum has far more money than we do, so there's no point there, either. I think there is more going on than that we 'get it wrong', to be honest. I think there is some sort of unfulfilled need that nobody can meet.

We have asked her for ideas, and she says something like 'oh, don't spend your money on me', but she doesn't mean it . Sometimes she has specified an item, but even then it's always too big, too small, the wrong shade or there is something else not right with it. She regifts a lot of what we buy.

I'm past caring now, really. I only mentioned it as people were suggesting that the OP should let her children know that their efforts were wasted, and I really don't think that this is good advice unless this is money that they really can't afford to waste and the OP really needs the gifts, and that's not what is coming through in her posts.

We all said the same thing a few years ago and now there are little ones Christmas can get quite expensive. So there are 6 adults so we pick a name each out of a hat and we buy that person a present to the value of 50.00 much less than if we had to buy for 5 people. Because we know what value we have we fine that person a few ideas on what we would like - we have done it for 4 years now and it works out so well