Mother won't make a effort

Allira

And cauliflower cheese doesn't go cold for about two days 😂

Allira I don't serve up whole meals either - but someone has to "carve the bird" or slice the nut roast, surely?
Most people help themselves to (say) peas...

Maybe that’s why the next day is called ‘Boxing Day’ mae13! 🥊
I’m only joking.

Ah, indeed, this is what the traditional family Christmas is all about - piling up the grudges to fuel a nice family fight culture for the next 12 months......boxing gloves on everyone!

Allira

Ps I'd never think of serving up dinners on plates if people were coming to our house for a meal.
I'm surprised that anyone would do that.

The only time I've done that is when the DC were young and it was just us and they used to try to avoid vegetables.

I never said I did! Full explanation of my dreadful crime above.

The photos got in the wrong section and I can’t edit. 🤭

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202411/medium-160750-img-1992.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202411/medium-944491-img-1991.jpeg

NotSpaghetti

My mother-in-law doesn't do much shopping these days. She will get something if she knows exactly what, and where from, but mostly it's cash into bank accounts.

The men in the family are all getting a bottle of wine for Christmas this year. I know this as I ordered 9 bottles with her last week!

*

Primrose53 I don't think the two vomiting emojis was very kind. Your son-in-law's mother was presumably just telling you that she needed small portions. People need reminding sometimes even when they know.

I say this as my mother had cancer and had half of her stomach removed. It gave her another six (or so) good years of fulfilled life - but she was regularly faced with "small" portions that were actually way too big. Often this was with well meaning friends or even with me or my dad.

At home she would say "just take half of that off please" but you don't always want to upset a non-family host, especially at special occasions such as Christmas when they have generously included you in their family celebrations.

Unfortunately too much food on my mum's plate sadly made her feel sick. I'm sorry you felt sick thinking about a "butchered stomach" and it so upset your meal. At least it's not a regular occurance.

I'm saying this not to be rude but just to explain the situation of someone who has lost, through surgery, the ability to even face quite small portions. Some days my mother ate like a bird. She was wary of managing multiple courses too.

Sorry if that upset you. I have had about 25 years of giving smaller portions to my own Mum who had bowel cancer twice and was left with just enough intestine to survive. She could only eat small amounts too due to major surgery but would never announce this at the table.

For those getting their knickers in a twist about me serving up food on the plates, I do for those who ask me to but rest assured I have serving dishes on the dining table and the rest of us serve ourselves from these. I find that a lot of older people prefer me to do it rather than having to reach over.

Comes to something when one is made to feel you have to prove yourself but here is a selection of my serving dishes which we use most days. Ancient Royal Worcester, Emma Bridgewater and a rare ceramic Le Creuset. I also have open dishes. 😉

Yes, I suppose it is, really.
I know though, who eats what and how greedy they are, so there's no need to give them a choice.

Anyway, I've been on my own for 6 out of the last 7 years.
, so it's not really relevant to me.

MissAdventure

I don't do anything that involves extra work.
No cauliflower cheese, no warm plates, just a roast as I'd usually do one, really.

I don't even cut a cross in the sprouts.

Plating it up is more work than putting it in dishes.

I don't do anything that involves extra work.
No cauliflower cheese, no warm plates, just a roast as I'd usually do one, really.

I don't even cut a cross in the sprouts.

Norah

Don't you heat the plates?

You generally...

The Barry and Freda thingie heats my plates and dishes very nicely.

How about a bit of Christmas spirit, one day a year. If you don’t want them don’t invite them.
I was brought up ( resentful sometimes) to always invite someone to join us to share Christmas Day if they were alone.
As children we would have preferred not to have this intrusion.
No we weren’t wealthy by any means either.

Don't you heat the plates?

You generally...

And cauliflower cheese doesn't go cold for about two days 😂

I have one of those Barry and Freda thingies.
Hot vegetables put into hot dishes, put on to warm plates, doesn't get cold.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Yes I agree Allira totally. Times have changed though so much over 50 years. My mum did Christmas dinner one year for 18. She plated all the dinners up in the kitchen for family and friends and my sister and I carried them to the dining room. 😁

Our dinner (all 4 over Advent) are for 16 to 20.. plated.

I find it easier than working out the table (apart from sides, breads). We're crowded at any table -- people&plates take space.

It's more washing up, and I think gets cold quicker, if you put it all on one plate or bowl, just to take it off and put it on another.

I dish up onto the plate.

😂

Oh I don’t know …. 🤣

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Yes I agree Allira totally. Times have changed though so much over 50 years. My mum did Christmas dinner one year for 18. She plated all the dinners up in the kitchen for family and friends and my sister and I carried them to the dining room. 😁

😯

I bet she didn't feel like eating much herself after all that!

Yes I agree Allira totally. Times have changed though so much over 50 years. My mum did Christmas dinner one year for 18. She plated all the dinners up in the kitchen for family and friends and my sister and I carried them to the dining room. 😁

00opsidia

It's only a roast dinner once a year.

One day she won't be able to come for Christmas dinner or any dinner, so make the most of her. The boyfriend you don't like much, but you make an allowance because he makes your Mum happy.

I think at 84 it's understandable she won't be up to buying gifts, but if she wants to give you money say thanks.

This.

Mum and Mil served, as do I. There is food on the table as well, sides, bread - extras. We use real napkins -- we are out of touch.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Allira

Ps I'd never think of serving up dinners on plates if people were coming to our house for a meal.
I'm surprised that anyone would do that.

The only time I've done that is when the DC were young and it was just us and they used to try to avoid vegetables.

Our family was/is firmly working class. Brought up in a rented terraced house in Old Trafford. My mum always plated our dinners. We didn’t have any serving dishes. Nor napkins, come to think of it. I remember going (on my own) at 17 to visit an aunt who had ‘married well’ and lived in a beautiful large detached house in Esher. I was amazed when they all sat down to Sunday lunch and her husband carved the chicken at the table, asking me whether I preferred white meat or dark. And they had a gravy boat on a saucer. I was a bit nervous eating my dinner.

Yes, my Mum always plated our dinners, sprouts, broad beans and all!
We did have linen napkins on Sundays.

However, it's in fact easier, when people come for dinner, to put it in dishes and put it on the table, let everyone help themselves.

This business of, when you're invited for a meal, taking something along with you seems to be very much a regional/cultural thing.

When I was young and first married, it was very much the accepted practice to arrive with a bottle of wine, or some after-dinner mints, flowers or a pot plant. Occasionally, we'd be asked over to friends and asked to take something specific - a dessert or maybe some cheese. When I hosted, I would do the same. But we were all young and hard-up and it was a great way of socialising with a small group with nobody feeling put-upon.

Until relatively recently, I'd always continued this habit of making a contribution, however small because that was the custom.
But then I moved to a different part of the country and met my now SO. When old friends wanted to meet me and asked us over to eat, I naturally made sure I had some wine, chocolates or whatever to take with. Both SO and his friends and family thought this behaviour very strange.
"Scribbles, they've asked us to dinner. I promise they will have all the food and drink anyone could possibly want."

And so they do. After a few episodes of polite thanks and bewildered looks, I've stopped doing it. When in Rome, etc, etc!

So I wonder if the OP's mother's partner simply comes from a different background where this isn't 'done' so it's never crossed his mind and mother, as close family, sees no reason to behave like a guest.

Either way, I had the unhappy feeling that the OP doesn't much like mother's SO but, unless she wants to fall out with her mother, then she must accept they are an item and he will accompany her. Unless he has some seriously antisocial habits, how difficult can it be?

I don’t think the OP is anything to do with food, gifts or the lack of. She resents her mother’s partner. Which is okay. Best to just admit it to herself and get on with the dinner anyway. Simmering emotions along with the sprouts perhaps.