Christmas- a rethink?

We have a Secret Santa and use Drawnames which sends round a WhatsApp or email to everyone in the group - there’s 12 of us together this year. Our limit is £75 which is a lot less than if we bought 11 presents for every family member and means we get one decent present rather than a lot of tat. Plus we only have to buy one present. We do buy under 18s a little present each so the little ones have presents to open. We make a wish list on thingstogetme.com. I’m looking forward to opening my present as I know it will be something I’ll like and it will be a surprise as I don’t know what item on the list will be bought.

I ve never heard of Elfster it sounds very impersonal
My son does the secret Santa with the six of them( 2 grown kids and their partners) but I don’t think it appeals to me I like to think I m giving someone something ‘from me’ not from an organisation thinking for me So for me it’s lost its personal fun of giving if using this method just more of the growing away from tradition like the Christmas card business

So I still do the old fashioned way of giving proper presents to my close family and friends isn’t that half the fun, thinking, worrying, buying , and giving
If the grandkids ( all grown) ask for money that’s ok too with a smaller present added

Evans64

We’ve done this for a few years and it’s been brilliant! We have finally decided on £30 which has worked out perfectly

We will most probably decrease ours to around £20 to £30 next year. We just like getting together for Christmas really, in past years it has been impossible. so now that we can catch up in person gift giving has very much taken a back seat, we often forget until late in the day.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

I think that’s a fair amount as a family gift ‘from everyone’ to be honest. By the time you’d add up a pair of socks from one member, a book from another, chocolates from a third etc.
I like the idea. Our Yorkshire Lass suggested it a couple of years ago but the vote didn’t carry. That’s democracy. Maybe we’ll hold another referendum next year! 😁

Yes, exactly this. We discussed it last year too, this year the family referendum had 100% approval! It's not just the money(although that is a factor) when most people in the family are in jobs that are especially busy at this time of year, it is also the time it takes to buy for everyone and when you live some distance from each other it's also the having no idea of a gift the recipient would appreciate. £50 for 1 gift from the whole family ( that you know they actually want) takes a lot of stress out of the whole process. We have also found over the last few years when we get together we are so excited to catch up and have fun that gift giving has had a backseat and we forget about it until late in the day - it is definitely not the focus of anyone. Who knows at some point we may do away with it all together and just bring edible and drinkable treats - until any great grandchildren come along!

Rosiebee
*We don’t even have a wish list, just a general “instruction”: or guidance that the gift should be consumable if possible. One year I bought flavoured oils and vinegars for a “foodie” recipient, another year, chocolate brownies.
We do the buying ourselves and the website simply does the random selection of names.*

A couple if ours have left instructions the same, great idea, we then know what they would appreciate with it still being a surprise

Shelflife

People spend what they can afford , be it £5 or £50 !! If I understand correctly a secret Santa means each person buys one gift rather than a gift for each person. In that case £ 50 is perfectly reasonable and cheaper than buying individual gifts

Thank you for a good description of the Secret Santa we are doing this year, I do appreciate this as I cannot always describe what I mean - sonething about which I am becoming increasingly worried. For others who are confused (most people aren't but I am still recovering from a suggestion that I'm not a human being because my post was ridiculous apparently)We are NOT buying gifts through Elfster - the only reason we are using this website is because we do not live near each other so we cannot 'pull names out of a hat" and Elfster does anonymous selection of a name and sends it by email only to you, no one else knows. We will however be in the same home at Christmas. It also allows a wish list so people can go online and find a gift which is on the list - no need at all to spend money on Elfster.
Family members have linked for particular items to various stores including a specialist sports store, amazon., M&S. Samsung etc. We usually wouldn't be able to afford this stuff if we were buying individual gifts, but it is similar to what we used to call 'clubbing ' together to buy a gift - we are each just buying for one person.

I have been a member of Gransnet for a number of years and although I have commented on other's posts this is my first thread almost everyone has been kind but I will probably not post again - I will continue to just read.

We stopped gifts for adults about two years ago now. Takes a lot of the pressure off. However, some people do enjoy the shopping and gift giving. We do donate to charity. Hope everyone has a peaceful Christmas.

We do Secretary Santa using Elfster organised by one of our DiLs. You just make a wish list to an agreed budget limit then whoever turns out to be your SS buys one of the gifts you’ve wished for. Even at say £50 it works out less expensive than buying for each individual.

The first time we tried it, it was just the adults, as the children got individual gifts. But they thought it was so much fun they wanted to be included. They still get their individual presents too. Even more fun!

Every year we've given a main gift to son/stepson and grandkids plus I've made up baskets of treats and fun stuff. This year it was decided to stick to a main gift only. I have struggled a bit with this but have managed to put together stockings with a few goodies in for DGC who are now in their 20s. That has been one "rethink". Problem has been trying to get something for DH. We both feel we're gifting to each other because it's the thing to do, when really we are in the fortunate position of not needing any "stuff". So rethink number 2 is that next year we will dispense with gifts to each other. That's a bit of a relief. I missed making my baskets up but I had started to wonder if I was doing it to fulfil something in me. I've not had children of my own and I really enjoyed being able to give treats to my lovely stepson his wife and DGC.

ForeverAutumn

keepingquiet

We did the secret santa thing a few years ago, using the site mentioned.

It didn't really work- you don't get to see the gift you sent or the quality.

We are not buying gifts through Elfster - just naming gifts on a wish list- some have put links to stockists, and either we buy the gifts online or in store as usual so we know what we are giving.

We don’t even have a wish list, just a general “instruction”: or guidance that the gift should be consumable if possible. One year I bought flavoured oils and vinegars for a “foodie” recipient, another year, chocolate brownies.
We do the buying ourselves and the website simply does the random selection of names.

People spend what they can afford , be it £5 or £50 !! If I understand correctly a secret Santa means each person buys one gift rather than a gift for each person. In that case £ 50 is perfectly reasonable and cheaper than buying individual gifts. However a family does it ,

is entirely their business! If people can afford more than others then why not? I know what we can afford / what we feel is reasonable, but would never resent those who are fortunate enough to spend more. Each to their own and I would never feel resentful of those who are able to be more generous than me.

We have done secret santa for the last 5 years, any child under 18 gets a gift from everyone and anyone over 18 spends up to £30 on whoever is picked for them. It works really well and we will stick with it, at the moment there are 5 children under 18 and 17 people over 18 so it does help financially .

We’ve done this for a few years and it’s been brilliant! We have finally decided on £30 which has worked out perfectly

We buy gifts for DGD’s as they’re 9 and 21 months old . Our 4 AC’s and partners get money and a small token gift usually something silly. We’ve told them not to buy us anything as we don’t nee anything, but we want to spend some time with them. I no longer buy for my brothers, or their adult children but do give to my great niece and nephews.

The only good thing to come out of Covid? We stopped buying and posting presents to friends. Now present giving is strictly restricted to close family, and increasingly it's a monetary transfer to their accounts. Only exceptions are face to face gifts of flowers or chocs. I'm done with wrestling with wrapping paper and sellotape.

keepingquiet

We did the secret santa thing a few years ago, using the site mentioned.

It didn't really work- you don't get to see the gift you sent or the quality.

We are not buying gifts through Elfster - just naming gifts on a wish list- some have put links to stockists, and either we buy the gifts online or in store as usual so we know what we are giving.

We did the secret santa thing a few years ago, using the site mentioned.

It didn't really work- you don't get to see the gift you sent or the quality.

We quickly reverted back to our usual practice of personally buying and wrapping and handing over when its convenient. We don't set a budget either so people spend what they can and everyone is appreciative of what they are given.

Some people think we're crazy for still doing this but with another sibling missing this year it seems all the more important to treasure each other.

Family secret Santa for anyone over the age of 10 for us, £20 limit. My DD sets it up using an app like Elfster which allows each person to write a wish list if they want. Works well for us. We do keep it fairly secret too.

Our teenage g’children are aware that they get ‘spoiled’ through the year and are happy that each of their birthdays is acknowledged with gifts.

boheminan
I find the OP confusing and wonder if it's been written by a human being!

Sorry you are confused by my post, I'm actually surprised that so many people read it. I was identified as human at birth

Thank you foreverautumn - having done Secret Santa for the last 9 yeas, I suppose I was expecting something more radical!

Ziplok
I imagine this is a familiar feeling for many of us.

RosiesMaw2
OP still hasn’t explained what constitutes a rethink

I agree the title isn't descriptive, I found it difficult to express in a few words. I meant that we as a family decided to try out Secret Santa, meaning instead of buying everyone a gift in our immediate family, we would just buy a gift for one person picked anonymously - for instance I have no idea who will be selecting my gift.

boheminan
Is this for real? I must be reading it wrong - £50 for a Secret Santa pressie[tch shock]. There would be a mass rebellion in my family if it were even hinted at. Anything between £5-£10 is the accepted amount, for some a bit less, for the well off, a bit more.

This is a lot less than we would usually spend buying everyone in the family a gift ( £50 would be quite a bit less than £10 each if that was the budget for presents to give to everyone) We decided to try it this year as most of us work full time and buying gifts for everyone that they will appreciate has become stressful for some. Though if we decide to do it again next year we will more than likely decrease the amount.

I had a midwife kit last year...no, not for me obviously, but for a mobile midwife in Malawi.
This year, my daughter has " bought" me some funding for Medicin Sans Frontieres.
However, there is a stack of wrapped gifts awaiting the arrival of six excited
grandchildren aged one to eleven, and I will enjoy the ensuing gift - fest very much.

OP still hasn’t explained what constitutes a rethink