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Fell out with husband, feeling massive mummy guilt

(14 Posts)
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Claire2441 Fri 27-Dec-24 22:28:41

Hi, so I fell out with my husband Christmas Eve. We had a heated row (upstairs) our daughter aged 9 and son aged 8 dudmtbgearbit, but our daughter walked in, when I was telling my husband off so to speak (through grinded teeth). It was over a message I'd sent to his mum who breast it wrong and felt I was being sarcastic when I wasn't, and had a go at me on WhatsApp . I was really hurt, so I made a comment back. He came in from work and refused to ring her to try and calm the situation down and sort it put before Christmas day. He did eventually, but then proceeded to understand her point of view etc and didn't back me up despite me not being sarcastic etc.

Anyway, Christmas morning there was still tension between me and husband. We played the happy family's, but our daughter picked up on us, I guess she read me like a book and after opening presents, said she didn't feel well. This is anxiety as she's been like it once before when we've had a fall out. She then was sick. It was a little z but she's done thst before. I feel massive, massive mum guiltbright now still. There was that uncomfortable silence for a while after both ne and husband. And we trued to fake it the rest of the day, the rest of the day was OK. I'm very, very mumsy and I honestly want every holiday Christmas etc to be so magical and perfect and I am devastated our daughter got upset my us. She's since been quiet and looked sad on and off and I just so want to make it all go away but I can't as it's happened now. We did not argue at all, or do anything wrong she just picked up on the tension I guess without us realising it was showing. I don't know how to fix this? I feel like a shit mum and I just love them so much. I'm also concerned that she's made herself sick now twice.

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Usedtobeblonde Fri 27-Dec-24 22:51:12

More help to be found on MN.
We are well over such traumas.

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Theexwife Fri 27-Dec-24 22:59:37

She is probably thinking it far more serious than it was, she is old enough for you to explain that adults argue and fall out sometimes but it doesn’t mean that you do not love each other or that you are going to split up.

It should be a lesson to you not to argue when children can hear.

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Claire2441 Fri 27-Dec-24 23:07:13

I know and we didn't intend for them to hear, she walked in on it. We don't argue infront of them, we went upstairs while they were downstairs. What I'm concerned of is she was physically sick with worry and I'm not sure how to help her anxiety. I don't know where it comes from. She's usually a very hsppy little girl, upbeat girl.

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Grunty Sat 28-Dec-24 01:22:53

You lost me at dudmtbgearbit I'm afraid.

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BlueBelle Sat 28-Dec-24 05:38:56

Another long poorly written post about nothing

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grandMattie Sat 28-Dec-24 05:47:22

Hear, hear.

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Oopsadaisy1 Sat 28-Dec-24 07:55:35

Sit your daughter down and tell her what happened, she is old enough to understand that sometimes an adult (her Grandmother) can misunderstand something that is written rather than spoken.
Tell her that there was no big drama with your husband and that everything is going now ok and that she needn’t worry any more.

A good lesson to her and you about the dangers of writing somethings on social media.

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Oopsadaisy1 Sat 28-Dec-24 07:56:24

Not sure where ‘going’ came from.

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NfkDumpling Sat 28-Dec-24 08:17:53

I agree with Oopsadaisy.

Being physically sick was probably because the row just tipped over the excitement of Christmas Day. Tummy tension. Be the bigger person and acknowledge how the misunderstanding happened, make up with your DH and apologise. At nine years old she may immediately be thinking you're going to divorce.

And stop trying to be perfect. No one is.

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Allsorts Sat 28-Dec-24 08:23:42

Some uncalled for comments I think.
Claire, you and your mil should not be sniping at each other on whats app, grow up the pair of you, you wanted your husband to side with you against his mother. Why? Nothing to do with him at least he was sensible. Mil over the top, retorting on Whats app, she should have rung you if she was hurt.in future you pick up the phone, sort it. Was it worth it to score a point?
We all do things in the heat of the moment, learn from it and move on.
Its very easy for such a trivial thing to split families up, daft as it sounds.

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petra Sat 28-Dec-24 08:26:02

ITS NOT REAL. ITS A BOT.

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pascal30 Sat 28-Dec-24 11:36:59

Let's wind up the Grans for a bit of post Christmas sport...

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NfkDumpling Sat 28-Dec-24 18:00:12

If anyone wants to wind up the Grans that's not the subject to chose. Politics is a better bet!

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