Seriously unhappy at Santa failure

My partner doesn’t do shopping at all.
So naturally I don’t expect anything.
He gives me money and I buy something I like.

Simple!

Quizzer

My DH has always been useless at presents. Even when he asked me to specify exactly what I would like, he would buy something similar but not quite the same, usually cheaper.

This Christmas he asked what I would like again, and I said that I could think of nothing in particular. So come Christmas morning that is exactly what I got…nothing. Not even a plant, toiletries, chocolates or any everyday ‘gift’.

Not only was I disappointed but I was also embarrassed as the family were all opening multiple presents from their spouses. Luckily my 3 sons do not take after him as they had all bought their wives extravagant gifts.
I had bought him items that I knew he wanted. We are comfortably off, but I don’t want anything expensive, just a token gift. Am I wrong to expect him to make just a small effort.

No. Not wrong, perhaps make suggestions?

We’ve known each other for nearly 50 years. He is hopeless at present buying, except on the odd occasion when he will buy me something out of the blue, like a pineapple. For Christmas and birthdays I have to give him a list.

For the last few Christmases before he died, my husband and I agreed to get each other “something from a charity shop”. This led to lots of fun gifts, from snow globes to jigsaws, Japanese fans to vintage opera glasses.

I was telling my friend this story today and she said ‘Well I asked my husband what he wanted this year, he said nothing, so I got him nothing’
So I think it’s just how it is don’t say ‘nothing’ if you want, or expect something

I saw an interesting poll which showed that what people enjoyed most about Christmas was spending time with family. The least enjoyable and most stressful was present buying!

My Dh has a birthday in Dec and when asked what to get him he says not to buy him anything. So I didn’t, if he was upset that’s on him. We didn’t exchange Christmas gifts either because there was nothing either of us needed or wanted. But we had a lovely few days celebrating Christmas with the family.

Why is it that any time someone puts in a post complaining about something their Dh does someone always has to comment that she should be grateful to have a husband.
Not everyone has a happy marriage.
Should people be grateful for an abusive partner or an unhappy or dead relationship?

You said nothing in particular, and that's what you got. Nothing. Result.

People give you what they want. He obviously doesn’t want to do the gift thing. You know him. Is there something in his history that makes him act like this? Next time try giving him a choice of 2 items you want.

I almost said to my husband let's not bother with gifts, as last year's offerings were pretty dismal.I wish I had.
One slippery acrylic scarf with gilt balls hanging from all four corners, half a dozen pairs of itchy trainer socks in lurid colours.
These gifts had been forwarded to my husband as a free thank you gift for buying various cheap items from a Chinese bargain basement site.
There is a bag full of more of these secreted in his wardrobe.
Guess what I'll be getting next Christmas?

any presents will be from me alone as he has nothing to do with them

I think this is rather childish.
I would say "Next year I'm happy to go on buying the presents if you wrap them".see what he thinks of this.

You can buy the wrapping paper etc and hopefully that way he'll be involved and maybe more invested in what is being given...

TanaMa, I think that is so rude and thoughtless of your GD. I would leave the rest of her "inheritance" to anything/body other than her.

I understand your disappointment, but I do feel it was caused by a breakdown in communication.

Many husbands find it hard to buy presents, mine could sometimes say, "I didn' t know what to get you" even if I had given him a list. This was mainly due to the fact that if I needed something ordinary like tea towels, I wished for them, but he felt that wasn't a present, it was just something you went out and bought if you needed it.

I tried for years to explain that I did not want or need luxury items, but not having to shop for tea towels or pot scrapers was a pleasant change.

We ended on a compromise: he bought me the kind of underwear he wanted to see me in.

He never remembered the actual date of my birthday, so we usually ended up going out shopping for my birthday present on my birthday.

I suggest you find a compromise you both can live with next year, even if it means you buying your present from him, and looking surprised and gratified when you open it.

You won't change him, you know.

It's better really to spell out "a box of chocolates would be better than nothing, I don't like just receiving nothing". People have different levels of emotional intelligence, and it's not their fault any more than lack of academic ability is for those with lower than average IQs. It's not useful to either of you to just store up resentment year after year.

he is being selfish, there isn't any explanation
buy yourself something nice

I have very low expectations of getting anything I ask for my birthday or Christmas from anyone but myself. I gave up expecting a surprise or even presents long ago as my DH always needs prompting even after 54 years. Unbeknown to DH, I always buy myself a present and leave a wish list on Amazon, just in case. This way I always get presents I want.

Sometimes he surprises me by actually buying me a card or something small. This year he asked my daughter, first time ever, and she showed him the wish list. When I do get a present I am always happy because he remembered me, even if it comes with the remark 'I (him) always wanted one of these'.
Yes, he is totally unreliable and utterly self-centered and selfish but that's men for you.

Graham Norton once put it well.
Men. Are. Hopeless.
I'm not saying there's an excuse, exactly, but is there a reason? Some men are slightly on the autistic spectrum and they just don't 'get' things unless they are spelled out. Personally I would tell him exactly how I felt and tell him PRECISELY what I wanted for my birthday,

My OH always got it wrong in his previous marriage so he won't buy anything that I haven't specifically asked for. If I said "I dont want anything thank you"........thats exactly what I would get.....nothing.

Just tell him that you aren’t buying him presents any more and just buy your self something nice .

Quizzer

Thanks for all your thoughts.
DH has never agreed that we shouldn’t bother with presents for each other. He just can’t be bothered with gifts at all. I buy all the presents for his sister, our sons, DILs, grandkids and close friends. I pay for them (we both have an income) I wrap and label them from both of us.
Yes I am upset and I have now decided that any presents will be from me alone as he has nothing to do with them. Yes, I know that’s spiteful but it’s how I feel.

Not spiteful. He shouldn't get any credit for the work - you did it. Quite right to stop being a humble good little woman and take the credit for the fabulous thoughtful gifts you buy for your family - especially since you alone pay for them! Time to shake things up. Start buying yourself a smashing Christmas gift and let your family know exactly what you'd like. DH can whistle.

My late DH was always excellent at present buying for me, he was also the one who came up with great ideas for others. We did say for a couple of years that we wouldn't buy each other Christmas gifts but he still always bought me a little something.
I think you've been married long enough to know you have to spell such things out for your DH. He did what you asked for, no reason to complain, but you'll know for next year.

Slightly different in that I recently bought my GD her first house (part of what she would inherit!) but I didn't get a card or a gift at Christmas!! I didn't expect great -'bowing and scaping' but I think a gift would have been nice!!

I’m sorry you feel hurt OP and I can understand it. My DH is not the best at presents - we usually give books and something that gets “used up” - but he does try and that’s what counts …

Don't buy him anything next year and i hope he feels hurt