Seriously unhappy at Santa failure

Does he have form for taking things literally OP? If so saying nothing was probably a mistake, maybe saying I don't know, just surprise me would be better.

If he doesn't normally taking things literally then he was being very unreasonable/bone idle.

Disgraceful!! He could have bought a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers!!! What a stupid man!!!

We don’t buy each other presents anymore as there’s nothing we really need. Present buying stopped the memorable Christmas he bought me a brass letter rack, he said he couldn’t think what to buy me! 😂

For the past few years we have done "a book and a box of chocs" for each other at Christmas and this works very well.

Be grateful you have a husband, many of us are widows.

My husband and I don't exchange gifts. We have everything we need and if we want anything we buy it ourselves. I certainly wouldn't be annoyed because I got nothing!

My DH struggles to buy a "thoughtful" gift but when he manages it, it is always something I would never have thought I'd want but have found absolutely invaluable. Examples of this are my Fireman's Wellies and my Oodie. However, that's probably it in 30 odd years so I just give him a list so I get what I want. Sometimes they are just consumables for my hobbies. They may not be terribly thoughtful but they are useful. To sound completely twee...he is a gift all year round.

Exactly, cocopops. He appears thoughtless.

What is he like in other ways OP?

Of course he should make an effort.
You need to tell him he's lazy and thoughtless and has really upset you .
Goodness me buying his wife a decent present isn't rocket science is it..

Oldbat1

We gave each other nothing as agreed. We both have so much “stuff” already. I honestly cant think of anything i want. I donated money to local charity.

We started doing this a couple of years ago as we also have too much ‘stuff’ and are in the process of decluttering prior to a possible downsize. Before that we decided on a budget of £50 but ended up buying things for the sake of it and my DH is very difficult to buy for anyway, it is much easier to buy nothing. Our children and one granddaughter buy for us but are under strict instructions not to spend too much, one son and DIL give us M and S gift cards which we can make use of and our other son usually gives us a Miller and Carter gift card. We stopped buying for siblings, nieces and nephews by mutual agreement years ago.

Not spiteful from my point of view. Time for him to act like a grown up!

Thanks for all your thoughts.
DH has never agreed that we shouldn’t bother with presents for each other. He just can’t be bothered with gifts at all. I buy all the presents for his sister, our sons, DILs, grandkids and close friends. I pay for them (we both have an income) I wrap and label them from both of us.
Yes I am upset and I have now decided that any presents will be from me alone as he has nothing to do with them. Yes, I know that’s spiteful but it’s how I feel.

I've been widowed for 8 years but DH and I stopped buying each other presents around 2006. We had far too much "stuff" and everything we could possibly need in terms of household items and tools etc. We didn't need to contribute to landfill with some gratuitous gift and honestly, after years of marriage, did we really need to buy Christmas presents? I suppose it depends on your relationship but there's no excuse for deliberate incompetence just because you're a man.

Exactly J52 you have to be much more direct with guys
What do you want for Christmas means just that If you say ‘nothing really’ his mind will say ‘ok that’s great she doesn’t really want anything, easy peasy’ So never ever be vague with a guy
It needs a direct answer ‘Flowers /chocolate/ wine would be lovely thanks’ If you say ‘something smelly’ you ll get a bar of soap you need to spell it out much more clearly
I remember once giving what I thought was very clear signals of a handbag I d seen and liked …..I got a bottle of bubble bath !!!!

BlueBelle

Oh dear unfortunately men definitely interpret things differently to a woman …if a woman was told ‘nothing really’ they would buy some toiletries or sone chocs or something neutral
However if a man is told ‘nothing really’ he would literally think ‘ok she wants nothing that’s easy then’
Bet you ll think of something next time he asks 🤣🤣🤣

I think men have conditioned women to think it. It’s weaponised incompetence.

Men are perfectly capable of interpreting, managing and organising. They do that at work every day. Many are simply are just lazy at home with family as a woman will take care of it.

I told my husband I wasn’t sure what I wanted, so he went to the list he’d kept up all year when I mentioned something nice! He went to an out of the way store to get me something I’d forgotten all about.

If women expected more from men, they would do it.

My DH is rubbish at gifts, but always tells me to just buy what I want.
So for Christmas I normally buy something for my Christmas gift from him or give him instructions to something on line.
This year I bought a Smart watch and Cashmere jumper and put it on his credit card.
I would rather do this than him buy something that has to go back to the shops.

BlueBelle

Oh dear unfortunately men definitely interpret things differently to a woman …if a woman was told ‘nothing really’ they would buy some toiletries or sone chocs or something neutral
However if a man is told ‘nothing really’ he would literally think ‘ok she wants nothing that’s easy then’
Bet you ll think of something next time he asks 🤣🤣🤣

Unfortunately this is often true. Just before Christmas I had to explain the concept of ‘nothing really’ to my DS, otherwise his DW would have had just that. Fortunately, he bought her lovely gifts!
I send my Santa screen shots of things I might like.

I was a bit miffed because everyone told me what they would like for Christmas and no one asked me what I would like. Well my son did just a few days beforehand
Possibly because I am so predictable, I suppose.

We gave each other nothing as agreed. We both have so much “stuff” already. I honestly cant think of anything i want. I donated money to local charity.

Well, I would be very upset if DH didn't buy me something for Christmas.

After 50 years he should have some idea of what you would like. He could have wandered round the shops for inspiration, asked one of your sons, a daughter in law, a friend.

Oh dear unfortunately men definitely interpret things differently to a woman …if a woman was told ‘nothing really’ they would buy some toiletries or sone chocs or something neutral
However if a man is told ‘nothing really’ he would literally think ‘ok she wants nothing that’s easy then’
Bet you ll think of something next time he asks 🤣🤣🤣

I think you need to drop a hint or two… eg “that hand cream would make a lovely late Christmas present” and do it in a jokey way, reminding him you need treats too. It’s not too late for him to make amends…

I asked my husband for a particular book for Christmas - much easier for him and I got something I wanted! Some people take things too literally sometimes…

Different couples have different arrangements/traditions but to not buy your wife anything when you know she'll have bought something for you is a rotten trick IMO.

I am sorry you felt let down quizzer, especially with family there too.

We set a tradition many years ago where we buy each other lip salve and a pot of jam (for him) or marmalade (for me) as our gift exchange. Our family think it’s odd, but it has worked for us for more than 30 years now.

Me too Kittycat. We’ve long ago stopped getting gifts for each other anyway, it became a farce asking each other what they wanted, then getting it,or getting the wrong thing! We do buy gifts for DCs and DGCs.