Should I say don’t come ?

eeejayjay, other people will do what they choose to do, and we can not control them their choices.
invite whoever you want and leave it to them to accept or refuse. if someone refuses that does not mean they don't love you.

Petra
I doubt very much that she’s still reading, don’t you?

I hope that is the case.
I think the problem is that people just read the first post and then post a reply without looking at other people’s comments. Perhaps we should all be more careful.

Sadgrandma

On the 3rd September ceejayjay asked for this post to be closed down, so why are people still commenting and giving advice. I don’t understand!

I doubt very much that she’s still reading, don’t you?

The problem is ceejayjay,that it is difficult to separate howwe feel in ourselves, from how we respond to the events in our lives. I ama glass full andbrimming over person married to someone whose glass tends to be more than half empty and I can see how different our reactions are to the same events, good and bad.

I would just tell your son that you would love to see himm and his girlfriend over Christmas,when would they like to come and go with their response,then forget about it until a week before the event. Do not under any circumstances,try to compete with anyone elses Christmas. It will feel false and unreal. Just be yourself, act asyou always do. When our children visit they unconsciencly want the familiar. To come home and instantly know where they are and who you are. If yiur son and his girlfriend are as nice as they sound. They want to see you as you are.

On the 3rd September ceejayjay asked for this post to be closed down, so why are people still commenting and giving advice. I don’t understand!

Do think people on their own with family gone, find Christmas Day daunting, all those adverts of huge families dining round a table groaning with food isolates some. It's not realistic. Makes some feel very isolated.
Nexus, glad you are still seeing your mom however diffucult she must be.

If he wants to come to you welcome him, sure he's used to your cooking by now. I would however say to him that if he prefers to be with his girlfriend you understand and hope they can come another time.

Hi. I would suggest you set up a WhatsApp group for you your son and his girlfriend. Then you can invite them both for Christmas. Get in early or you may find you’ve missed the boat. Sometimes men agree to arrangements without telling their other halves or just don’t reply to. They forget. My son does. You could also add that you will be alone and they could visit their new niece/nephew before returning home. Good luck x

Op

This is the beginning - what when your son marries and has kids?

Starts compromising now.

angie121

stripey gran was trying to be helpful and i agree with what she said

It’s interesting how you chose the one comment I said I found hurtful to agree with!

You say in your heart of hearts that he would rather be with the gf,so abide by that and invite them to come another time.Do you get on with the gf? Perhaps send little gifts for Christmas.

i am happy to have christmas on my own as i am not really into christmas, i tell my son each year to go to his sister in laws with his family as they have 4 kids and my son has one and they love all being together, my daughter in law only has her dad left and he goes to, they are all happy for me to join them, and my mum wanted me to come to her as she is on her own, but at 62 i feel that i can do what i prefer, might seem selfish to some people but my son and his family being happy is important to me, i am not close to my mum, i am the only adult child that still talks to her. please do what you think is right for you and your son.

ReadyMeals

Us being vegetarian I actually found it easier to let the children go elsewhere for Xmas themselves as I don't really even want the smell of turkey in the house. They used to come just before or just after Xmas instead. Now I do have my daughter on alternate Xmas but book them into hotel where they have their Xmas dinner. What I'm saying is unless you feel really upset not to share Xmas day with your son , it might work out better to just let them do her family but perhaps suggest they fit you into a couple of days in the following week before NYE. I dunno if it's just a case of age but in a way not having to do anything at Xmas works well for me. Might be different if I was on my own...

.

Fancy not wanting your family in your home because of the house might smell of turkey!!!

Beyond belief.
.

I would just tell your son what you have written here. You obviously want the very best for him and so maybe it is best if he goes with gf to Wales. Perhaps you could suggest they come to see you maybe a few days before Christmas and you could arrange to go out for a meal and hand over Christmas presents then.
I do also think the gf is being very selfish not accepting the fact that she's part of a couple and compromises have to be made especially at times like this.
Hope this soon gets sorted so that you're not left fretting over it until the day itself.

Sorry if someone else has already suggested this, but what about you going to your son’s place for a weekend / Christmas Day (be it the actual day or another day in lieu) instead of him with or without his girlfriend coming to you? It’s quite a normal scenerio as parents of adult children get older. I for one really appreciate relinquishing the Christmas catering baton now I’ve got older

Sorry, EDS and EDD??

This is why I dread Christmas. Going away this year to avoid the happy family posts. I don't have that & it stings that me EDS & EDD do, without me.

Sorry post is confusing or maybe it's just me????

stripey gran was trying to be helpful and i agree with what she said

It is one day in the year. Accept that.

My daughter and I are both chronically ill and can't necessarily do things on a specific day or do very much on any day, so we believe in Christmas week or Christmas month rather than Christmas Day. Tell your son it would make you happy for him to go to Wales for Christmas Day but that you would like to see him and possibly his girlfriend too at some point over the season. And then just plan something nice, some treat or treats for that time that you would both or all like that wouldn't be too demanding for you. It doesn't have to be anything very ambitious at all. Small simple things mean a lot if they come with love and affection. It is the latter that really matters in a family.

Us being vegetarian I actually found it easier to let the children go elsewhere for Xmas themselves as I don't really even want the smell of turkey in the house. They used to come just before or just after Xmas instead. Now I do have my daughter on alternate Xmas but book them into hotel where they have their Xmas dinner. What I'm saying is unless you feel really upset not to share Xmas day with your son , it might work out better to just let them do her family but perhaps suggest they fit you into a couple of days in the following week before NYE. I dunno if it's just a case of age but in a way not having to do anything at Xmas works well for me. Might be different if I was on my own...

I would enjoy the day with your son. He clearly wants to spend it with you. Aas other's have suggested, if you feel your cooking isn't up to much, then get in goodies from M&S or somewhere. As there's only two of you, that's easier and you won't have loads of leftovers, especially if he's not vegan. Remember that there's no such thing as a 'better' Christmas, just different ways of spending the day. I'd get it sorted with him now, write it on the calendar then enjoy the autumn.

Ceejayjay has mentioned in another thread that she suffers from agrophobia and anxiety so going out for lunch is a no no.

Echo Bright and Breezy. Have your son, don't worry about your cooking, he is used to it. Try to get a walk in and make it just a nice easy day.
I over worry and just want them to be happy, but he would not have offered to come if he didn't want to. I don't think much of his partners attitude though. It seems her way or no way. That's selfish. However he would never know I thought that.