Worst gift ever?

We've had these discussions before, but they were so hilarious, I really hope everyone will contribute again, and we'll get some new ones.
Some of those that partners have bought..

cushions from my new MIL ,for my minimalist Habitat sofa because SHE thought it needed brightening up.This was in 1975 at Christmas time and I wouldn't have said boo to a goose so I enthusiasticlly thanked her for her thoughtful christmas gift ( I was 21) and put them under the stairs until she visited when they were put back on my lovely sofa for her to admire

It was my 18th Birthday, my sisters were 30&24,from them i received a glitter comb and an excercise book!

I was a fairly new wife and not yet wise to the fact that I d married a charming bxxxxxx I still had the rose coloured glasses on It was a week or two before my birthday and we were walking through a market place and I saw a handbag I fell in love with, I threw some large not very subtle hints out A few days later he asked if I could lend him some money as he was going to the market to do some shopping and he’d pay me back on payday I just saw my handbag in my imagination and how I d pretend I didn’t remember when I opened it on my birthday and how surprised I d play
My birthday came and he handed me a present it was something in a box which could have just about have been the size for my handbag which wasn’t a big one I tore the paper open and found in the box .....dah Di dah dah
A large bottle of bubble bath
...and I never got my money back on pay day either

A boyfriend gave me a small box of Milk Tray for Christmas as my birthday was in 11 days and he was saving for that.

We did a “secret Santa” at work. I always chose something carefully, sometimes a Christmas decoration, some Fairtrade chocolate, a pretty mug, a small scented candle. One year I got a pair of false breasts and a pair of plastic handcuffs.

My mother in law always gave me some item for the kitchen knowing I had inherited the contents from my parent's house, I had kitchen items before I was married as did my now ex. I would end up with eg 3 can openers.

A large pair of elasticated knickers from the now 'Ex'

I had a friend when I was younger who used to say 'let's go into town and you can choose something for your birthday from me.' I would choose a top or earrings and she would say 'I'm not buying you that. I don't like it'. At my sister's works secret Santa once, she got a box of tissues!

A head massager called an Orgasmatron which looked like a metal spider and sounds like something from a Carry On film (but really from Sleeper).

A small hessian potato sack which the giver proudly told me they had bought for 50p in a pound shop sale.

The office Secret Santa gave me a black SAS balaclava. Three holes for eyes and mouth. Men in suits think they are so funny. I passed it on to a biker who found it very useful. Someone gave the boss a whip (because he was always cracking the metaphorical one over his staff). He went home in a drunken state and laid it on the bed. His wife did not see the funny side.

It’s good fun working in a charity shop after Christmas sorting through the donations and playing “What the heck is this?”

Earrings from my MIL. A kind of clip-on feather design that both curled to the left. One curled into your ear and the other stuck out.

From the Lover:
A new battery for my laptop
An England Football stress ball
And a day out at his favourite sporting event..........

Looking into a kitchen shop, I said "Now that would look good in the kitchen", referring to the colour of the walls. My husband, not knowing me at all despite 45 years of marriage, thought I meant a twee oven glove with bunny rabbits on, so bought it for my upcoming birthday. Yes, I forgave him eventually!

An old dear type candlewick dressing gown and a pair of bath towels from my MIL on one of my first married Christmases. An awful punchbowl with matching cups hanging from the rim from my DM - she kept asking us if we'd used it and we told her we were waiting to have a party. Somehow we never did have the sort of party where we could use it.....it partied by itself up in the loft! And she kept knitting sports socks for DH, whose only sport at the time was scuba diving.

From an old friend--a book of crosswords, most of which had been half completed and a book which was a freebie from a newspaper and was well thumbed and embellished with coffee-cup rings. From the same friend on another occasion, a glass decanter stopper.

From my in-laws, the year we were married, an electric blanket. We only ever used it on the spare bed when they came to stay. We didn't need it - then or ever in the fifty plus years since.

From a soon-to-be-ex boyfriend, a bunch of sweet peas wrapped in a sheet of newspaper. It turned out he'd nicked them from somebody's garden!

From the ex at christmas an iron, which I later discovered he had stolen and was one of the reasons he lost his job!

On two separate occasions I have opened gifts from my husband and thought “What” and with one gift it was so handy I replaced when it wore out and the second I am still using and am very grateful for...... Knows me better than I do myself.

DH gave me a bright green foam-backed dressing gown with a design of orange roses that looked like snails. The wide lapels were edged with lace...along with a pair of shocking pink fluffy mules.
This was in 1978. He hasn't had the confidence to buy me anything since.... ?

Ooh, Beechnut what were the gifts?

Polly that's what I was thinking! Do tell Beechnut don't leave us in suspense

My mother (pretty well off) gave my husband a can of Brilliant White paint beautifully gift wrapped.

My late MIL once got me a candle-snuffer (as if we've got hundreds on candles to put out), and on another occasion, it was some teatowels with "Australia" on them.