Anyone dissillusioned with a friend

Sadly I think that until someone in the neighbourhood dies many people will carry on with the multiple trips to the shops. OH used to work in Germany and said there wouldn't be any of that there. People would follow the rules! Stay at home and save a life it is very straightforward. There is no point clapping for the NHS if you put the lives of the staff in danger by popping out for your paper! I am staying in and getting deliveries. I would dearly love to see my GC but am not. It will all drag on longer if the selfish people don't stay at home. A walk doesn't need to be into shops so that is not a good excuse. Sorry for the rant but I feel for all the carers and NHS staff waiting for the influx of patients coming while some members of the public think nothing of carrying on as normal spreading the virus.

Think we have enough to worry about without taking on the policing of others. Just steer clear of her physically until this is over as she’s a risk to herself and others.

20 21:48:12
Someone's opinion may well be valid, however, the quote from the Bible) has never been validated
Bunkum...that's my personal opinion

In that case why did poor Mick get such an intemperate roasting for going out on his normal bus trips back before the lockdown became stricter

Lorelei, I couldn't agree more with everything you have said.

So hard for everyone at the moment - similar take on the exercise guidelines....I interpreted it as if you NEED to go out either for essential supplies, for physical health or mental health reasons, but people who have never taken walks suddenly interpret this as their 'daily allowance'. The TV is full of people like Angela Rippon telling people how important it is to get out daily for exercise when others underline stay in and only go out if you HAVE TO. We are not going anywhere; I won't be leaving the house at all or seeing anyone else as I fall into several of the most 'at risk' categories and my better half doesn't want to put me in needless danger (even though he suffers with cabin fever being stuck indoors). We have been going without things we would like to have as he has avoided our usual supermarket in favour of smaller shops and has collected my prescription medicines and inhalers - he has done well though and got everything we and the cats need - neither of us see treats as important in the great scheme of things. In these trips he has also got a few bits for our neighbour and one of his elderly customers and dropped the items off safely on their doorsteps, wiping bags down etc to reduce risk to them. I wouldn't want to add to the NHS workload unless I really had to, so I think anyone not prepared to make a few sacrifices with things like needless shopping trips etc is potentially being selfish but how many of us really know what the circumstances others are trying to deal with are? (e.g. maybe items they needed were not in stock or waiting to be restocked, shelves filled etc). We will all have to live with our consciences and with all the people who are left standing when this is eventually all over. Let us all try to be understanding, considerate to others, unselfish and as low risk as we possibly can with all our behaviours - I would hate to think my actions could potentially kill someone else just because I fancied a trot round the supermarket - and know I'm not alone in this, but there will always be people who think rules or guidelines apply to everybody else but not to them - just hope one of them doesn't kill me or anyone I care about. Stay safe everyone (and avoid friends /neighbours you know are having more contact with others than they need to!)

Hi All, thanks so much for all your replies and advice. Some of you have really made me chuckle, although this virus itself is no laughing matter. I thought i'd let you know that I have had a chat on the phone after reading a text from her this morning. She complained about someone in the local shop, sneezing and coughing whilst they waited to pay. So I called her and raised the issue in as nice a way as I could. Her response was to agree with me, and she said that she knew I was right. She said she would have a word with her mum but whether she actually does remains to be seen. She text me tonight but not a mention about how she got on with her mum this afternoon. Sadly, I fear nothing will change. She is already telling me how she is off to Sainsbury's in the morning because her mum is getting low on cat food. I give up!
Text off my daughter too to say that it's manic at the hospital. Stay safe everyone.

Perhaps she feels like she's being helpful. It helps to occupy the time. I think people are just desperate to.get out and the supermarket is the only place they can go. It doesn't make it right though. Tough.call.

Someone's opinion may well be valid, however, the quote from the Bible) has never been validated.
Bunkum...that's my personal opinion.

I am 80, but in very good health. My daughter is working from home, and insists on shopping for me, though she has a blood condition which makes her more vulnerable than me. She only shops once a week, and keeps her distance while we have a quick chat. but I worry about her picking up the infection.

Frankly, I would rather be doing her shopping, but she won't hear of it. She has two teenagers reliant on her. I have no-one. I have told her that I would rather die of the virus than stuck in a nursing home with dementia! If anything happened to her I would have to take over looking after the GC full time!

Most of the people I know seem to be acting sensibly. Anyone who feels that they must go out can go for a walk, keeping away from everyone. I take a long walk every day, and it helps to keep me sane.

People with dementia, struggle with understanding all the rules with Covid19. I’ve got a relative who won’t stay in, thinks it a fuss about nothing.

So, I've just opened an email from a 'friend' of nearly 50 years. She has been less and less communicative as the years have rolled by. I like to keep in touch with folk but eventually the moment came when things seemed very one sided, so we have been down to just exchanging Christmas cards (we live opposite ends of the country). I thought boredom must be kicking in if she has emailed me but I was interested to hear from her. One and half sentences along the lines of we are alright, hope you are. I turned back to Gransnet and the first thing I read 'Are you disillusioned with a friend?' Frankly, 'Yes!'.

It isn't necessary to judge to engage in a discussion- Yes, when truths are presented people become defensive- They do feel judged, which is different than you judging them, which can be pointed out, and then direct their attention to the emerging science of how the virus is transmitted and the math in regards to increasing number of deaths-

When speaking the truth about the virus, some people will distance themselves from you while others will lean in and listen and learn-

My sister distanced herself from me for talking about the virus- She had plans to attend a Broadway event and did so- Less than a week later, Broadway was shuttered- Then ever so slowly she began to digest the reality and began to talk to me again-

She's a control freak, so it's not been easy for her to adapt- And being a control freak, she didn't want to talk to me until she began to adapt, so she'd appear in control-

Here’s the video I mentioned.

youtu.be/gHQ6hQ3SQUM

Carers UK/ British Gas ‘Two sides of the story’.

@jonesKPJ000 I understand your frustration & annoyance at your friend’s blatant disregard for other people’s wellbeing. At this time we are all more finely tune to other people’s proximity to ourselves & it staggering how many people are so ‘effin’ tone deaf to the repeated & by now very clear messages of what we need to do.

That said, I wonder if your friend as a Carer is over-stressed & her frequent bobbing in & out is her way of coping with her anxieties about her own health (although an odd way to show it) & her being overwhelmed as an already stressed Carer who is facing some even greater challenges than before. Maybe she is really worried about coping with her own health as well as looking after her mother.

Please would you all kindly take a few minutes to watch this short award winning video, take a pause to reflect about our friends who are carers, maybe reach out in a different way in these tough times.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JonesKpj000 I had a very, very naughty thought, but I wonder if your friend has had enough of her demanding mother and is going out so many times because it maximises the chance of bringing the virus back with her?
Certain people I have known would certainly have tempted me to be wantonly reckless about my own health - or theirs!

My neighbour who is 83 walks every day to Spar for a small amount of shopping for herself and her husband of 88. When I pointed out that Spar will deliver she says she likes to go for a walk there anyway and they have to be 6ft apart in the shop. I am not going to tell her any more. Its her business and maybe she needs space from her husband anyway...

You might like to show your friend the article on BBC news. A woman in Newcastle refused to identify herself to Police. She could not justify being away from her home in York and was find over £600! You friend might think twice about her cavalier attitude to being out and about unnecessarily then! But the, maybe she thinks rules and common sense don't apply to her!

With a neighbour the other day, I was really disillusioned...disappointed...irritated...sad - a mixture of all I suppose. She showed me herself in a completely different light.

Self-isolating since the beginning of March (health stuff). I hadn't had a supermarket delivery for 3 weeks. At the weekend, two deliveries came at once (supermarket and a wonderful surprise big box from friends).

My neighbour had offered, and got, some things for me last week on her last weekly trip out. But couldn't get into the supermarket to get the things she needed because of the huge queue. She'd come away empty-handed.

My large haul of 2 deliveries of groceries was full of lovely fresh produce (and several duplicates accidentally put in by very hectic pickers no doubt) that I couldn't possibly eat all by myself. More than half the fresh food would have gone off.

So I put together a couple of bags of produce - one for this neighbour and one for the neighbours (older/ailing) the other side.

The older neighbour was very touched and accepted my offering with quiet thanks and as it was meant - a good neighbour to good neighbour little bit of help.

The neighbour who hadn't been able to get any shopping last week, opened her door and, as I explained about my 'overstock' from a safe distance, immediately refused the offer. She told me in very straight, curt terms that she didn't want the produce, that I should keep it all for myself, that we have to take care of ourselves, you have to take care of yourself...

I was quite floored. The lack of grace was staggering. Her response was just as if I'd attacked her. (Maybe she felt she was being offered a bag full of The Bug?!) I felt like a right prune, standing there almost being told off for doing something wrong.

But, seriously, it told me about herself: she was telling me to be selfish and only to look out for myself. And that, despite all her good deeds in the community, she didn't feel good or comfortable about being given to. Almost as if being a recipient of care and concern would undermine her sense of self as an able person who is always the strong one who gives?

Also, more worrying, perhaps it was a hint that she doesn't want to pull together as neighbours, as part of our community, during this calamity? Though before this episode, she'd given me a mini-lecture about "we're all in this together"!

Probably needless to say, my giving wasn't for plaudits and praise. It was simply knowing that, like most of us, my neighbours are having difficulties shopping. I suddenly had too much and the most obvious thing to do was to share it with those who probably needed it.

My take on our situation is that the only way we are going to get through it is by helping each other in the ways we can, when we can.

Half a million people have stepped up to the NHS help challenge - that's a stunning response which moved me to tears. Other volunteer groups like Covid19 Mutual Aid and new local community volunteer groups have popped up.
Thank goodness, because there are too many disadvantaged people who've been left stranded alone and forgotten by services etc and who need help.

Personally, I'm so fortunate that, since this lockdown started, I've received lots of help and care from friends, neighbours and strangers both in my little community (which has always been a kindly, friendly and very functional place anyway) and from as far away as the other side of the world!

We're learning a lot about ourselves and others through this scary time, aren't we? And it occurs to me that just as to give is to receive, receiving is also giving.

Yes,OP,try be straight with your friend without losing her friendship right now- point out as others have said,whose to see to her mums health& needs if she gets ill? Can she set up an online shop for her mum? ( her age would guarantee priority slot) that she can include all she needs,even baby bio,all in one shop.? Or just go ONCE a week to store for it all at once.?

I really think the government need to issue the complete lockdown that other countries have now.And Boris (before he gets more ill) needs to be filmed& put on tv to say so,say why,and ask britain if they want to catch it,like him,or stay healthy?!!

If there is something you want to say to a friend, I suggest avoiding 'subtly trying to tell her.......' Simply and clearly say what you want to say, while avoiding judgements of her behaviour or suggesting you know best. Focus on facts and speak with respect and be ready to listen. In the end she decides what she does with her life - and it would be a pity to lose a good friendship because you don't like her choices at the moment.

My oldest son said his cousin(good bit older than him so should know better!) Keeps saying he 'thought he'd have called round to his by now?!- my sons got a family with health issues& a pregnant wife- so no,hes not going anytime soon.why doesnt everyone understand these rules fully?

A friend of mine is telling everyone how she's isolating her and also keeping her mother isolated... her idea of this is taking her mother out shopping only twice a week now and only for an hour! Not advising her mother to stop visiting neighbours who are still going out! And then bringing her to her house cos she's bored even though her husband is still travelling to visit his father 90 miles away! Some people just don't get it.

Well people are going to die because of others stupidity. One of my children, ( as several are Doctors ) works in the Hospital where the first evacuees cane from Wuhan. They told us then that things would get apocalyptic.
We have been self isolating for weeks and have been nowhere.
They said there might be enough ventilators but there will not be enough staff.
He said that Doctors would be triaging cases, and if they had to choose between a chap of 40 with children, or a 60 year old. Well you can guess. They had to triage in Italy. You can imagine the effect on the MH of the NHS staff. I am very frightened for my children and various cousins in the front line.