Frustrated with parents!!

choughdancer, your mum sounds just like mine (when she was still here) a law unto herself and thoroughly stubborn.

We had to take her car away after a few minor prangs. She was most annoyed saying 'I only drive slowly and locally!'. She could still have killed herself or somebody else!

My dad is 89 and just popped to Asda, he said he thought he was allowed for food! He survived a AAA a few years back but he wont hear that he is classed as vulnerable.

BlueBelle my husband is 76, with underlying health problems, and to me and my son he is every bit as valueable as anyone younger. He could reasonably expect to live another 15 to 20 years, why should he be denied a ventilator should he be unlucky enough to get the virus?

Those saying that they don’t mind getting it because they are coming to the end of their lives are totally unrealistic . My husband died of pulmonary fibrosis which was a horrible death. The lungs become stiff and become very difficult to go in and out as you try to breathe. He had to be sedated for the last few days to stop him panicking. It was awful to see it happening to him . In some ways covid 19 seems to emulate his condition and I for one would prefer to avoid at all if possible

Hello Grandparents,I am new to this site and it is lovely to be able to converse with you all. I wanted to reply to Lara, who is worried about her parents going out. My brother-in-law and wife, both in their early eighties and both with underlying heath conditions,especially him, keep going out shopping, despite his other brother living nearby and our daughter-in-law who actually works in the shop they use offering to deliver their
shopping.
We had an email yesterday to say they'd been to a nice farm shop quite a distance away! Conversely I'm a bit annoyed by my neighbours in their early 70s and quite fit and active, who are generally lovely people and would do anything for you, having their shopping delivered, when a lot of venerable people can't get a delivery slot. We are also in our early 70s but and going to our local Tesco's once a week during the hour allocated to over 70s and it has been fine and people are behaving sensibly. The worse thing I am finding at this time is not being able to see our 2 1\2 year old granddaughter who we've looked after two days a week since she was nine month's old. WhatsApp is nowhere near the same. Yesterday she said 'I want a cuddle Grandma', it broke my heart. Let's all pray that things improve soon.

I have a similar problem with my husband. He has dementia, he still functions and can live quite well. But he just won’t accept the restrictions in place. He wants to keep going out, popping to the local shops, taking the dog for a walk. I can’t get through to him, he thinks it’s a fuss about nothing. He actually said today, that the worst is over. The constant arguments are getting me down. As if life isn’t difficult enough at the moment.

My dh and I stay at home apart from our half hourly walk we are allowed to do.
My daughter shops for us on a Friday but we cab pick up milk tea and cereal at our corner shop when we do our walk.
It is hard not to go out and if you are parents who are used to going out it makes it difficult to change your routine.

My mum is 84 dad 86. They are both catching the bus to the local Aldi even though we keep saying you must stay in. Since Saturday supermarkets only allowing 1 person in at a time and no cash, card only. Dad has forgotten his PIN number, mum hasn’t the strength to shop alone, so we hope these latest restrictions have finally got the message across. Personally I think they have a secret agenda that if they catch covid19 so be it, they have had their four score and ten and I have to say I am hearing this from many others.

I have an elderly neighbour who is the same. Most Councils now have something in place to help. I explained to them that he was vulnerable as he no family near and they do his shopping, deliver a meal each day and pick up his medication. Being in my eighties myself I can't do it for him. He is happier knowing that someone will be calling on him almost every day.

They are allowed to go shopping and for a walk, it is up to them how they live their lives. I would advise them to stay in but if they don't then stop phoning and when they ring you say I thought you would be out. That might make them stay in waiting for your call

I work in Boots and most of our customers during this lock in are elderly, over 70

We are mid 70s and have been unable to get any kind of delivery. DS and DIL live a forty five minute drive away and are happy to bring stuff to the door but they live in a village without shops and only do online shopping anyway. They are a family of four with a much less well stocked larder than I have so absolutely do not want them bringing what they have to me.
DH have discussed this endlessly and have come to the conclusion that a once a week shop is probably safer than someone else shopping for us. To get an internet shop a picker collects a basket or trolley ( have they disinfected it ) ?
The goods are only as safe as the pickers hands and breathing over the goods.
Goods are packed into baskets and loaded into a van.
Van driver carries a box to your door after having delivered however many boxes to numerous other doors.
DH goes to shop, disinfects his own trolley and wears gloves, returns home and cleans all packaging.
DH strips off all clothes and has a shower.
I am tending to think that one person shopping is a lot safer than several people involved in a delivery, as they say it is probably about the viral load.

Massive update - they have finally declared they are going to stop going out! The pressure has worked. Mum has said they had a big talk about it last night and decided if they could get the local butcher and spar shop to deliver, which they have got sorted today, then they will stay in. Massive result!! The Gp is also going to send evidence hopefully to Sainsburys directly which will get further options.

Thank you to everyone for their input - some really challenging times for so many and good luck to all of those trying to keep family members safe, and those caring for them. Particularly caters going into homes and the NHS.

Stay safe all.

Yayy

Finally the penny has dropped. You must feel so relieved

That's great news Youcantchoosethem! Gabrielle you are quite right about it being my duty to take away mum's car keys! The trouble is that my brother (who lives with her)'would overrule me, as he is constantly suggesting she buys another car and tells her what a great driver she is!

Yesterday I ended up ringing the Age UK helpline and got a lot of good advice; the lady really listened to the problems, went to consult her manager, and just the talk helped too. I spent a lot of time yesterday downloading help sheets, information sheets etc., and editing them so that I took out all the stuff about websites as she isn't online. I think the basic problem is that she sort of has a bit of blitz spirit! Keeping calm, carrying on regardless etc. She WILL not see herself as old (she's 97) and I think my brother is encouraging her. She has always been a kind and caring person and I've tried to get her to see that she's risking harming others, but she forgets and/or thinks my brother and she know best. Anyway I am writing a letter, very loving, but with things that people have said on Gransnet and the Age UK lady. I'm going to send it by post with printouts of the government and NHS advice. I know it will upset her but I hope that having it written down will be easier to take. I suppose it's selfish of me but I dread falling out with her or my brother as I know it would make however long she's got left a sad time.

Very wisechoughdancer
I did the same with my parents about not going into hospital wrote them a letter and left it with their shopping. It's not been mentioned since but their whole attitude has changed. I hope it works for you and brother doesnt scupper it. At the end of the day you have done your best. love your name BTW it conjures up all sorts

May7 It's because I do a lot of Cornish dancing and have a Cornish chough tattoo on my back! Thanks for your message; I'm so glad it worked for your parents!

Wow I love tattoos that are symbolic. I did wonder if it was the bird?

So long as they keep within social distancing guidelines your parents are still very much within their rights to do their own shopping and to go out for exercise once a day should they wish to. Good luck to them. Not nice being bossed around by know it all kids.