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Looking after grandchild of my key workers daughter & son in law

(44 Posts)
max10 Sat 11-Apr-20 21:37:57

Hi, I just can’t find definitive advice on this. Can anyone help. My daughter is classed as a key worker as an HR Manager for a Social Care company but is now working from home full time & is required to work normal 9 - 5 type hours. My son in law is also required to work outside of their home. They have a 2 year old daughter.
I am in my early 60s as a grandparent with no underlying health conditions, I live one hours drive away. My daughter has asked me to childcare at their home for one or two days a week whilst she can work upstairs. We definitely do not want to send the child to a nursery with added risk and not sure her nursery is open anyway. I am prepared to accept the additional risk to me to help support my family. But is it legal under the Coronavirus stay at home regulations? I would be caring for a vulnerable person, ie a child (but no health conditions) as my grandchild, but would my daughter be expected to look after her instead & not ‘go to work’ upstairs? She can’t do both during normal working hours. Is it ok for me to travel there for this purpose? I would be helping the community in the sense that she would not have to go to a nursery & potentially spread, but then on the other hand I would be leaving my home & isolation for 2 days a week.
In addition is the child allowed to be taken to another grandparent in their home for similar childcare reasons to allow my key worker daughter & son-in-law to work?
Thank you

Hithere Sat 11-Apr-20 21:52:17

No, rules say no. If you have to ask if it is allowed, the answer is no.

Everybody in their own homes.

Your dd can work while her 2 year old is there.
I am doing that with 2 kids who are not school aged yet and their daycare is closed.

Grannynannywanny Sat 11-Apr-20 21:58:16

Sorry Max but I’m afraid you’d be going against all the advice. I completely understand your desire to help your daughter and be with your grandchild. But my understanding would be you’d have to move in and stay there. Much as we’d love to we can’t mix 2 households. If your daughter’s employer really needs her to work then they will have to accept there will be a disruptive toddler loitering in the conference calls. It’s happening in homes across the country. It breaks my heart not to be with my grandchildren and help ease their parents burden but it’s just not advisable. I have 2 grandchildren 15 miles away and 2 more 140 miles away and would love to be providing the child minding I normally do on a weekly basis

Oopsadaisy3 Sat 11-Apr-20 22:05:08

If you want to do the childcare, then you have to move in with them and stay there until the situation ends.
I would expect the Police to stop you and turn you back on your way to them anyway. Even fine you.

Eglantine21 Sat 11-Apr-20 22:42:33

It’s not just about what allowed, it’s about what’s sensible. If one of you gets the virus, your son in law say, who is out and about, that will be three households with the virus. Two of them with older and more vulnerable people.

This is how the NHS will struggle.

SueDonim Sat 11-Apr-20 22:44:28

I think you’d have to move in with them, too. I don’t think you could be making that journey twice a week.

My own dd is also WFH full-time with a 2yo at her feet. She’s just muddling through, sometimes her dd joins in with conference calls etc but everyone understands these are not normal times.

Hithere Sat 11-Apr-20 23:13:14

The suggestion to move in with your dd to provide daycare for a couple of days is like trying to kill a fly with a bazooka

SueDonim Sat 11-Apr-20 23:35:36

Well, that’s why it’s generally not a good idea, and another solution has to be found.

Coolgran65 Sun 12-Apr-20 04:06:07

3 of my 4 sons are WFH as are their wives. They all have children in the house that I would normally be looking after.
It's the same everywhere. A case of them doing their best and not expecting to be as productive as if they were in the work place.

Purpledaffodil Sun 12-Apr-20 07:41:07

Absolutely not for all the above reasons. DD and her husband both WFH with a 16 month old and a 10 year old. She too has key worker status but would not risk our health or children’s health by using GP or sending older child to school. Instead they organise themselves differently, work during the evenings , schedule important calls for nap time and work as a team. 10 year old has excellent role models and organises his day accordingly. It can be done.

Katyj Sun 12-Apr-20 08:18:49

No not allowed I’m afraid if it was I’d be there like a shot ! My DIL is really struggling with a 2 and 5 year old bless her she looks so tried on FaceTime. The 5 year old has work sent through her laptop every 40 minutes from school and needs help completing the tasks, the 2 year old is full of energy and not sleeping well. She has conference calls during the day too, fortunately her boss is very understanding he has no choice .

Katek Sun 12-Apr-20 10:36:37

On a lighter note - Dd2 is wfh and her team have a check in Zoom meeting every morning. On Friday her line manager’s 14 year old son walked across the room in trackie bottoms, no top and a baseball cap! Cue dad shouting ‘people don’t need to see that first thing in the morning!!’ ?

vickymeldrew Sun 12-Apr-20 12:09:57

Tricky though it may be for your daughter, she is one of hundreds of thousands of people who need to WFH. The fact that your question has so many ‘exonerating’ features tells you that you can’t do it.

NotSpaghetti Sun 12-Apr-20 12:26:41

No. My family is also trying to work from home with toddlers and are just having to get on as best they can.
If you move in and stay there I expect that would be ok but really we are supposed to be staying put now and not moving home.

Thecatshatontgemat Sun 12-Apr-20 12:31:55

No. No. And again: no.
Keep away.
Common sense is the watchword here......

Aepgirl Sun 12-Apr-20 12:35:30

We are all having to change our ways in this uncertain time, and I think it is wrong for your daughter to expect you to step in to help with childcare. Her child, she should be doing the caring - regardless of whether you are allowed or not.

Misha14 Sun 12-Apr-20 12:42:51

Daughter and son-in-law both working from home. Very demanding jobs and two children one eight one four. They divide the day so that one parent does childcare while the other works and vice-versa. It means they are working long hours after the kids are in bed but it's the best way for them. As grandparents we're doing our bit with lessons on Skype and story time.

GoldenAge Sun 12-Apr-20 12:50:51

Definitely not - and I'm surprised that your daughter as a manager in a social care organisation has even thought about asking because she must be aware of the problems of people going in and out of other people's homes to provide care. Think about what is happening in her home right now if her husband is still going out of the house to work. Her own isolation is compromised, you would be entering a compromised environment, going back to your own home, mixing with people on the journey and potentially bringing the virus home for yourself. If the other grandparents are being asked to assist, this problem is compounded again. It's very irresponsible of your daughter to make this suggestion, and difficult though it is for you, it's your responsibility to tell her so and ask her to support the nation by working from home and taking care of her child at the same time. Thousands of other people are having to do this - the work has to fit around the domestic situation and if it can't then your grandchild will either have to go to nursery with other children of key workers, or you will have to move in permanently with her and keep the other grandparents away. You will have to become a permanent resident for the time being in your daughter's home. That's the rule, clear as a bell.

Razzy Sun 12-Apr-20 12:52:29

There are nurseries, childminders and schools open for key workers kids. I know, I am one! At the moment I am sharing childcare with OH and generally find something to keep said child amused if I need to make a conference call. As everyone else is. Your daughters firm need to understand and let your daughter work flexible hours. What has to be done within normal office hours? There must be work that can be done out of hours?

Tangerine Sun 12-Apr-20 12:56:57

Definitely no. I realise it must be very hard for your daughter but she will manage. If you did not exist, she would have to do so.

Also, if her neighbours see you coming and going, I think you could find that they might report you and then there would be trouble.

BBkay Sun 12-Apr-20 12:58:55

Well my daughter and sil are both key workers, shift work, so although have a place at school what are they ment to do at 6am and after school closes, not to mention weekends.
I have the granschdren staying with me, not ideal but seems little choice

seadragon Sun 12-Apr-20 13:02:54

My daughter split from her ex in October last year. She is an NHS professional very involved in helping rearrange the hospital to accommodate the admission of large numbers of people ill with the virus, moving her department to another site and managing her own team. Her ex has moved into her new home to provide the child care... We are self isolating and are hundreds of miles away from them and the other grandparents have been self isolating/being shielded since the start. All grandparents are over 70. Each couple/parnet must find their own solution, I'm afraid...whilst abiding by govt instructions.

kazzerb Sun 12-Apr-20 13:08:22

Our eldest Grandson, 16, stays with us almost every weekend and college holidays. He was staying with us when the lock down began and is still with us now. His Mum, my Daughter, is a care worker and so it made sense for him to stay here with us. He will be here now until lock down ends, whenever that may be. I have seen my other two Grandchildren from a safe distance and face time.

CraftyGranny Sun 12-Apr-20 13:09:30

If your daughter brought her WFH equipment downstairs, I think she would be able to cope better.

BBkay Sun 12-Apr-20 13:11:12

My 15 year old grandson has lived with my since he was born
Little 2 often stay over but can't pretend it's a struggle for all to have them full time