Gransnet forums


Looking after grandchild of my key workers daughter & son in law

(45 Posts)
max10 Sat 11-Apr-20 21:37:57

Hi, I just can’t find definitive advice on this. Can anyone help. My daughter is classed as a key worker as an HR Manager for a Social Care company but is now working from home full time & is required to work normal 9 - 5 type hours. My son in law is also required to work outside of their home. They have a 2 year old daughter.
I am in my early 60s as a grandparent with no underlying health conditions, I live one hours drive away. My daughter has asked me to childcare at their home for one or two days a week whilst she can work upstairs. We definitely do not want to send the child to a nursery with added risk and not sure her nursery is open anyway. I am prepared to accept the additional risk to me to help support my family. But is it legal under the Coronavirus stay at home regulations? I would be caring for a vulnerable person, ie a child (but no health conditions) as my grandchild, but would my daughter be expected to look after her instead & not ‘go to work’ upstairs? She can’t do both during normal working hours. Is it ok for me to travel there for this purpose? I would be helping the community in the sense that she would not have to go to a nursery & potentially spread, but then on the other hand I would be leaving my home & isolation for 2 days a week.
In addition is the child allowed to be taken to another grandparent in their home for similar childcare reasons to allow my key worker daughter & son-in-law to work?
Thank you

minxie Sun 12-Apr-20 13:18:28

The advice is clearly stated. Stay home and no visiting other relatives especially an hours drive away

dontmindstayinghome Sun 12-Apr-20 13:19:05

Unfortunately for a lot of families it isn't so clear cut.

My friend's daughter has mental health issues so they have to keep an eye on both her and their GD. They take their GD to their home for a few hours a couple of days each week.

Other than that they don't go out and have been socially isolating for over 3 weeks. Their shopping is delivered to them so they aren't coming into contact with anyone else.

Its not how they would like to manage the current situation but feel they have no choice.

There must be lots of families who have to make such a judgement call, only they know how long term isolation could affect their loved ones.

growstuff Sun 12-Apr-20 13:26:37

Are the daughter and GDs also socially isolating?

Lucy127 Sun 12-Apr-20 13:31:33

My big hearted and dearest friend kept up grandchild care. She said there was no alternative. She paid the ultimate price and passed away in hospital a few day’s ago. No alternative?

dontmindstayinghome Sun 12-Apr-20 13:33:56

Yes growstuff, they are all isolating and have been since before the lockdown was announced.

maddyone Sun 12-Apr-20 13:51:26

I’m so sorry max10 but it’s not allowed. Maybe if you had moved in with them immediately and stayed until lockdown ends, maybe that would have been okay. We are all having the same problems and the same gut wrenching guilt that at the time of their greatest need, we cannot help our adult children as we usually would do. One of my adult children is a key worker as is her husband, and they have six year old twins and an extremely lively two year old. The twins are allowed to go to school three days of the week, whilst meantime my daughter and her husband struggle on doing phone or video consultations and also going into the GP practice where they work. Thank God they have PPE, at least now, I hope it doesn’t run out anytime soon. One of our sons brings us our click and collect, the other lives forty minutes drive away and so is isolating and working from home with his partner and our seven year old grandson.
We all miss our children and grandchildren and want to help them, I do understand your anxiety and feel for you, but as we are now three weeks into lockdown, it’s too late really for you to move in with them. You’ll just have to sit it out like the rest of us.

Fiachna50 Sun 12-Apr-20 13:59:12

Your family as Keyworkers should be able to obtain a place for the children. Im not sure who you would contact but perhaps look at Council website? Given the work your family does Im surprised they were not made aware of this, but good luck. Im sure you will get it sorted.

NanaPlenty Sun 12-Apr-20 14:05:32

This situation is very hard for so many people but when people start making exceptions to the rules we will quickly be back to square one! My own stepdaughter has today broken the rules and gone to her mother in laws for the weekend! Both my neighbours have also broken the rules and us their families round - by way of example there are about 20 people I know not doing what they should! Think how that could affect others. Stay well stay home .

Grannynannywanny Sun 12-Apr-20 14:32:57

Can I play devil’s advocate here. Key workers can avail of school and nursery provision but as many key workers work unsocial hours/12 hr shifts/nightshift how are they expected to manage their child care. In many cases their partner may be on a similar shift pattern or indeed there might be no partner. Does this place them in a position that they can say they are unavailable to work and if so will they still be paid? It must be a dreadful position to be in

4allweknow Sun 12-Apr-20 14:42:55

An awful lit if people are trying to work from home a d look after children are employers not meant to be flexible in these situation eg can your DD not do some of her work when her husband is home instead of a straight 8 hour shift. Alternatively, could you move in with her until lockdown is over?

hicaz46 Sun 12-Apr-20 14:50:28

Your daughter shouldn’t have put you in this position by asking you. Most people working from home are in the same position and have to adjust to the current circumstances. Don’t do it and don’t feel guilty.

Hithere Sun 12-Apr-20 14:55:54

A grandparent moving in to provide childcare, rationally, does not make sense.

Let's talk numbers-
Let's say gm moves in for 2 months- 1344 hours of cohabitation (24 hours for 7 days for 8 weeks)
She will provide childcare for 2 days -128 hours (8 hrs×2 days a week for 8 weeks)

Her childcare to cohabitation ratio is 9.52% of childcare vs 90.47% of gm living together without providing childcare

If anybody thinks these numbers make sense, you are in deep denial of your ulterior motives- you want to see your gc, adult children, you feel lonely, you want to be useful

I am of course ignoring the risks.
What if gm gets sick? Then the mother, who "needs" childcare for 2 days, has to to take care of gm, kids and worry about working from home

If her employer is not being reasonable, the worker needs to fix it.

Your adult children are adults. Stop coming to their rescue. They can do it even though it is hard

Missiseff Sun 12-Apr-20 15:03:49

Absolutely not.
Your daughter is very wrong to ask you.
Stay home. Protect the NHS. Save lives.

moobox Sun 12-Apr-20 16:56:16

The 2 parents should share responsibility, so the father will have to work reduced hours, as is happening with my grandson. 2 year olds need care.

Tedd1 Mon 13-Apr-20 09:02:40

Sitting on the fence here but if children go to school or nursery, aren't they mixing with lots of households which seem more of a risk

Grannynannywanny Mon 13-Apr-20 09:17:30

I think you’ve raised a valid point Tedd. Households of key workers who cannot work from home are at risk of both bringing the virus home from their workplace and their children bringing it home from school. They find themselves in a dreadful situation. A situation made even worse by the inadequate supplies of PPE

SueDoku Mon 13-Apr-20 12:54:34

My DD is a community nurse. I normally provide some childcare for DGC but I haven't seen them for nearly a month (except via videocalls). She and her partner - who's WFH - have rearranged their work so that she does 3 hours early morning, comes home and has the DGC all day - while he works straight through without a break - then she goes back for 3 hours early evenings...
They both look like zombies and I dearly wish that I could help in some way - but I've been told very firmly to stay at home and self-isolate ?

Narnia Sat 18-Apr-20 11:02:37

Most saying you cannot mix households... What about the childminders still working with a number of children coming into their houses from different families?

Narnia Sat 18-Apr-20 11:06:59

Absolutely right!
I work in a nursery.. No social isolation from the under 4s
Plus we had a child collected by a parent straight from her job in a care home! No contact with staff but def with her child who will continue to come to us daily!