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Coronavirus

Age 68 and I got caught out by daughter shopping

(68 Posts)
Aglassofroseplease Sun 12-Apr-20 12:48:08

As my title says my step daughter who works in a hospital caught me out shopping, as I’d somehow accidentally appeared on a family video chat whilst carrying my phone out shopping. I quickly realised what was happening and cut it off but not before my SD saw me and realised where I was and fired off loads of texts telling me off for putting myself and family at risk of catching CV.

She has been insisting that we don’t go shopping and her and son in law will get our shopping in. I’m 68, I’m fit and healthy and I’m not in the vulnerable group as I’ve none of the health conditions classed as vulnerable. I observe the social distancing rule, I take antiseptic hand wipes with me, I spray the shopping basket and clean all the food when I get home and wash my hands frequently. My husband is 73 and again he’s not in the vulnerable either as a precaution I’ve been doing the bulk of the dog walking and shopping etc for us .

I’d think as long as I’m careful and sensible and observe the social distancing rules then there’s no reason why I can’t shop for essentials, I don’t go to big shops and try to stay local.

What do you think?

Aglassofroseplease Fri 17-Apr-20 12:08:14

I’m reading your comments but quite honestly I’m sick of the assumptions, misinformation and downright bitchiness from some of you - the term “keyboard warriors” spring to mind

I’m thankful to all those people who took the time to give their considered opinion and advice and support.

growstuff Fri 17-Apr-20 11:49:35

I'm probably not either Oopsadaisy lol grin (but it's what I actually think).

Eglantine21 Fri 17-Apr-20 11:37:31

Dear me that awful spellcheck. ?

Eglantine21 Fri 17-Apr-20 11:36:59

You’d think thevOP would be aware if you he pressure hospital staff are under and wouldn’t want to add two more Covid sufferers to the number.

I wonder if she’d come back and help explain her thinking.

Eg

I’m careful. I won’t get it

I’m following the guidelines. They will keep me safe.

If I get it, it won’t be too bad.

I’d rather do what I want than help save lives

etc

Purplepixie Fri 17-Apr-20 11:34:39

I certainly dont have a problem with it as I am a similar age and I am not classing myself in the at risk category. My husband is slightly younger than me and he chooses to do the shopping, so I am not stopping him. If you carry out all the health things then dont worry but I would leave your phone switched off in future. Take care and stay safe. X

Summerlove Fri 17-Apr-20 11:30:33

At this point, Especially knowing all your step daughter has on her plate, I’d be frustrated in her shoes too.

She’s going out of her way to help, and in her eyes, you just made it all mean nothing.

If you want to shop, go do your own shopping. But I wouldn’t have her do the lions share anymore.

Susan55 Fri 17-Apr-20 10:43:01

As helpful as your step daughter is being, you are perfectly at liberty to do what you wish for yourself, particularly as you are trying to remain within the government's guidelines. It sounds as if she is passing her own 'story' and judgement about the situation onto you. Don't forget you also have your own story and judgements!

Insisting that she does your shopping for you, against your own personal judgement, is actually a certain form of bullying in a strange kind of way, hidden under the guise of 'helping' you while telling you that you should be grateful.

Being older shouldn't mean that you can't think for yourself or do things for yourself. It's your right to feel comfortable with what you choose to do, no matter how helpful or grateful you feel you 'should' be by someone's offer of help. If you are not comfortable with the situation, then it means you are being coerced and that's not fair or right.

Don't forget that as long as you are keeping within guidelines, you have every right to take any path which you feel is right for 'you' without having to feel guilty or ungrateful.

I suggest thanking your step daughter for her valued offer of help while letting her know how grateful you are but while also stating that you would feel more comfortable getting your own groceries during this lock down period.

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 17-Apr-20 10:40:23

Well growstuff I didn’t think I would be allowed to actually say that!
Ho Hum....

growstuff Fri 17-Apr-20 10:36:27

I honestly and truly think it sounds like the kind of thread a teenage WUM, bored with no school, would start.

Grammaretto Fri 17-Apr-20 08:24:41

Hear! Hear! Oopsadaisy3 This thread has been one of those.

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 17-Apr-20 08:11:21

I hate it when the OP puts up the thread then drip feeds info after other posters have answered her original question.
I stand by my original comment, you asked our opinion and when it has differed from what you have done, you argue back to justify it.
Then up pops some more info.
I still wonder what the point of the post is?
.

Aglassofroseplease Thu 16-Apr-20 20:37:29

Varian for your info - SD is doing our shopping and we are grateful for it - my trip to the shops was because we ran out of something we needed and I didn’t want or expect her to run to the shops for us again as she is busy with a full time job in a hospital and looking after her family and in laws too.

Gran52 I reported Gmore for her nasty hurtful comments

varian Thu 16-Apr-20 19:45:57

If the OP has friends or family volunrteering to help she should accept that help gracefully and thankfully.

There are many of us who are over 70 who may not have that help and who knows what you have to do to get a supermarket to recognise you as elderly and self-isolating?

I've tried all of them and unless you have had a letter from the government saying you are "extremely vulnerable" it is well nigh impossible to get a delivery slot.

Gran52 Thu 16-Apr-20 16:56:28

OK growstuff .... you're not a youngster then. Perhaps you would like to let us know why you thought it a good idea to go out on a motorbike without a crash helmet... maybe you were not capable of thinking things through? The lady who posted this is clearly a sensible adult who is obviously very capable of making her own decisions. You on the other hand sound like someone who likes to throw your weight about

Aglassofroseplease Thu 16-Apr-20 10:29:11

Vitriolic, not vitiligo- predictive text

Aglassofroseplease Thu 16-Apr-20 10:27:37

I’ve reported some posts as being nasty and hurtful - I don’t mind hearing opinion that are different to my own but there’s no need for the vitiligo tone of some of them

growstuff Thu 16-Apr-20 02:29:23

Thank you welbeck. The Motorcycle Helmet Law was in 1973. I was riding on the back of a motorbike well before that. You're wrong Gran52.

welbeck Thu 16-Apr-20 02:22:21

well i wish i had someone like your SD willing and able to fetch shopping for me.
i used to go once a week, BC; now in the AC era i go less often. trying to eat my fridge completely first, and its only small, no freezer; plus sundries, so as to make most use of trip to shop and fill it up. i regard the shopping trip with trepidation.
that's almost alliterative, the trepidation trip.
anyway, it seems to me that you are taking an unnecessary risk. you could till go out, when it's quiet, for exercise, and avoid people.
but shopping is different. it is a targetted activity. numerous people are heading for the same location, and once inside are milling about looking for items, difficult to keep distance.
also what about the risk you may present to others.
for all you know you may already have the virus and be spreading it about by unnecessary trips.
why take a risk when the stakes are so high, in the cost/benefit analysis. it just doesn't add up to me.
ps, whoever mentioned helmets and the law, i can remember the debate when they became mandatory.... just saying. we are not all spring chickens. and the point was clear enough anyway. or is this more about point-scoring rather than an honest exchange of views. seems rather childish.
stay safe. keep away from shops if you can. and people.

Aglassofroseplease Wed 15-Apr-20 21:31:30

Thank you Gran 52.
Growstuff how nasty your comments are - you sound like a bully

Gran52 Wed 15-Apr-20 16:59:18

Growstuff I think you will find the law forced you to wear a crash helmet on a motorbike, not your mother. Exactly what right do you any of you think you have bully people into obeying your version of what is correct? No doubt you don't like being bullied into doing things but that's different I expect.

Grammaretto Wed 15-Apr-20 06:39:01

Its your choice but the safest thing to do is to stay home.
We are in a similar situation: DH is 75 and is shielded. I am 71, pretty fit and perfectly able but i am shielding with him.
No family near by can help us but a couple of good friends are shopping for us and our LA have offered help if needed.
I have been tempted to just nip out for something but have resisted.
Doing the right thing can be hard.
Take care.

growstuff Wed 15-Apr-20 06:37:42

My Mum insisted ie bullied me into wearing a crash helmet when I rode on the back of a boyfriend's motorbike when I was a teenager.

For goodness sake! What did the stepdaughter do? Remove her car keys? Lock her in the house? No, she was willing to put her own health at increased risk to help out her stepmother. Do people really need laws to tell them what's in their best interest?

Hetty58 Wed 15-Apr-20 06:06:34

www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/coronavirus-age-sex-demographics/

Hetty58 Wed 15-Apr-20 06:02:16

Aglassofroseplease, I think your SD is absolutely right! You have no need to go shopping, do you? Therefore, you are taking unnecessary risks. Why?

Gran52 Wed 15-Apr-20 05:21:45

Notanan2 read letter again.... did not ACCEPT their help, they INSISTED ie bullied this lady into staying in 24/7 when she clearly does not wish to