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Age 68 and I got caught out by daughter shopping

(67 Posts)
Aglassofroseplease Sun 12-Apr-20 12:48:08

As my title says my step daughter who works in a hospital caught me out shopping, as I’d somehow accidentally appeared on a family video chat whilst carrying my phone out shopping. I quickly realised what was happening and cut it off but not before my SD saw me and realised where I was and fired off loads of texts telling me off for putting myself and family at risk of catching CV.

She has been insisting that we don’t go shopping and her and son in law will get our shopping in. I’m 68, I’m fit and healthy and I’m not in the vulnerable group as I’ve none of the health conditions classed as vulnerable. I observe the social distancing rule, I take antiseptic hand wipes with me, I spray the shopping basket and clean all the food when I get home and wash my hands frequently. My husband is 73 and again he’s not in the vulnerable either as a precaution I’ve been doing the bulk of the dog walking and shopping etc for us .

I’d think as long as I’m careful and sensible and observe the social distancing rules then there’s no reason why I can’t shop for essentials, I don’t go to big shops and try to stay local.

What do you think?

Tangerine Sun 12-Apr-20 13:27:08

If you SD and SIL didn't exist, I'd 100% agree with you. There would be little choice as it's difficult to find online slots.

Let's face it. Some people your age are having to shop for parents in their 90's.

In that your SD and SIL are willing and able to shop for you, I'd be inclined to stay home.

Dog walking - I agree you would wish to do that as it's probably difficult to ask them to do that twice a day and they haven't said fit 68 year olds can't go out to exercise.

M0nica Sun 12-Apr-20 15:41:24

I can see no problem here. Providing you are obeying the regulations currently in place for everybody except those that need shielding.

Stay in your house and garden, except when you leave the house once a day for exercise on your own or with other household members

Limit shopping to once a week and in as few shops as possible

Here is a link to the government link to what you are allowed to do.

patcaf Sun 12-Apr-20 15:54:09

No you are perfectly correct. Anyone over 70 who is in good health is at liberty to go shopping and exercise. We walk the dog every day and go shopping once a fortnight. Your daughter is worried about you which is a nice thing and it might be wise just to give in and let her take care of things for a while.

Hithere Sun 12-Apr-20 17:24:29

There is a huge false sense of security that you are not at severe risk if you are nhi or over 70, with preexisting conditions or inmunodepressed, for example

I am nowhere close to 70 without medical conditions. Same applies to my dh.
We are behaving as if we have the virus so we dont spread it.
My friends my age are doing the same thing.

You are being irresponsible. If you get sick, you chose it.
The fact that you cut off the chat when you realized you got caught says everything.
Dont expect relatives and friends who do not approve of your actions to support you

This is like a 2 pack a day cigarette smoker for 50 years getting lung cancer.
While it is tragic, it is written on the wall.

Aglassofroseplease Sun 12-Apr-20 18:00:39

Thanks for you replies

I would say that I am being very responsible and sensible - and am following the guidance Here is a link to the government link to what you are allowed to do.

Grandmafrench Sun 12-Apr-20 18:11:18

It's easy really. They said they would shop for you to keep you and your DH safe. Maybe you led them to believe that you were happy with that, maybe you didn't say anything, maybe they just told you what the plan was and assumed you'd go along with it. I would think that your SD is disappointed because she feels you didn't take her concerns seriously. Talk to her. She did catch you out and possibly feels a bit foolish for thinking that she'd got it all organised. Talk to her and tell her that you will continue to shop for yourselves whilst you are able, even though you're grateful, or think yourselves very lucky that someone else will now deal with your shopping and just stick to walking the dog and exercising. It's your life after all, only you know how you want to live it.

Sussexborn Sun 12-Apr-20 18:12:05

Putting your stepdaughter’s mind at rest might be an option? She must have a million and one things whirling around in her mind and you are adding to her concerns unnecessarily.

It seems that no matter how many times the message is repeated ANYONE CAN CATCH THIS VIRUS.

Hithere Sun 12-Apr-20 18:15:55


The guidelines do not always protect us.

The virus doesn't card us and if you do not fulfill the risks given to us, we are excused.

They used to say babies and pregnant women were on the safer side and now they classified as vulnerable.

Your dd could be upset because she loves you and doesn't want to lose you.

Aglassofroseplease Sun 12-Apr-20 18:15:58

I have spoken to her and told her we appreciate what she is doing for us and understand her concerns. We’ve reached a compromise - we get stuff locally such as milk and veg from a farm shop and they do a supermarket shop as and when we need it

Chestnut Sun 12-Apr-20 18:17:05

I'd say to avoid the shops if you can, although I realise it's a precious outing at the moment! If you have people willing to shop then use them, although personally I would rather shop online than ask my daughter. I think anyone in the older age group is 'at risk' because this virus can be so aggressive, and there are other risk factors we don't yet fully understand, like blood group and DNA both of which have been mentioned.

growstuff Sun 12-Apr-20 21:27:59

This isn't a question of the rules. Your SD has offered to help you, presumably because she cares, and you've effectively turned that offer down. She probably feels spurned. Don't be surprised if she doesn't offer to help you again in a hurry.

FWIW I wish I had family living close who could help me like that.

Soupy Sun 12-Apr-20 21:36:18

I do feel for you as I'm a couple of years younger but have a 70+ DH, who is in the vulnerable group.
Because of this I haven't been out to a shop for about 3 weeks but am having fruit and veg delivered and have plenty of meat in the freezer.
DD is delivering milk and sundries once a week but I feel guilty letting her do this when I am perfectly capable of doing it myself.
I am getting her fruit and veg delivered with mine to ease the load a little but look forward to being able to go to a supermarket myself at some future time!

Blencathra Sun 12-Apr-20 22:32:32

I am your age and I go to the supermarket once a week. I looked to do it online but there were no slots. Lots of people are like me and 68 yrs and needing to shop for their parent.

Sparkling Mon 13-Apr-20 07:58:50

She is keeping to NHS guidelines, she is fine to shop once a week, take exercise once a day near to home for her mental wellbeing. To suggest that if she gets Covid after being careful, her family just says serve you right you didn't do as we say is unreasonable and unkind. Lots of people I know at 70 are shopping for older relatives, should they just leave them? I would suggest the mistake occurred when her step daughter said she would shop for them, she just should have said that she wasn't in the vulnerable category and would do her own, but thank you very much. She is not a child and can make her own decisions. To be stuck in for weeks when you don't have to, why?

Nana3 Mon 13-Apr-20 08:22:47

I am running out of many things and could go to the supermarket but I'm staying away. As others have said the virus doesn't respect anyone, no-one is safe. Stay at home, your family are taking risks for you, please respect that. I wish you all the best, it's a different life.

V3ra Mon 13-Apr-20 10:12:33

Aglassofroseplease your stepdaughter works in a hospital.
You going shopping is causing her extra stress.
For that reason alone I think it would be a good idea to abide by her wishes.

quizqueen Mon 13-Apr-20 10:23:04

I'd much rather shop myself than have a hospital worker, who is closer to the virus, shop for me.

Theoddbird Mon 13-Apr-20 10:25:25

Why are they less likely to pick the virus up if they do the shopping? This is the bit I don't understand. Working where she does she is more likely to pick the virus up anyway. Anyone can pick the virus up locally as they can in a supermarket. You are keeping to the restrictions by the book. Do keep checking for click collect slots. They do appear suddenly. By the way I am 69 and shop locally in small coop. Aisles are so narrow you can't help but come close to each other. I was so pleased to get a click collect. I do have to get fresh produce regularly...locally

Jane10 Mon 13-Apr-20 10:26:02

What on earth were you doing on a family video chat while out shopping? You should have been concentrating on getting the shopping as quickly and efficiently as possible and getting home. I see your DDs point.

Alexa Mon 13-Apr-20 10:32:52

I agree with Chestnet, avoid the shops if you can. The less you are close to other people and what they have touched, the better. The advice is to shop for self and dependents once a week.

Aglassofroseplease Mon 13-Apr-20 11:26:05

Some of you are not reading my original post and /or jumping to conclusions

jane10 I accidentally went into the family chat on my phone! Why would you presume otherwise?

ninathenana Mon 13-Apr-20 12:36:30

If over 70's are not supposed to be shopping why do supermarkets have priority hours for just such people and why are there long queues at that time. DH is still doing our shopping
He dosen't drive so I take him and wait in the car.
DD works long shifts as key worker SiL works nights as key worker and no way DS could cope with our shopping.

My friend, her husband and daughter are all registered disabled her only relative, her brother has cancer and until they could organize McMillan to do his shopping they were doing his as well. She tried on line and click and collect, nothing for a fortnight.

Lyndylou Mon 13-Apr-20 13:07:44

I am in a similar position, I'm 68 and OH is 72. My DD is alone home with her 12 year old. DD and I both watch for click and collect or delivery slots and then both add the items we want. Either my OH and I collect and leave her items on her doorstep on way home or it is delivered to us and she drives by and picks her things up from my front door. I also let my older neighbour know so she can add things. We have managed to get 3 click and collect and one delivery since lock down so a little more than once a week but keeping 3 households going. You do have to watch for the slots, though. The idea of even going into the supermarket scares me at the moment.

Jane10 Mon 13-Apr-20 14:03:08

aglassofroseplease - no need to touch your phone at all while shopping.