I'm really Struggling

Thanks for the suggestions that I contact our GP re my anti histamines, I agree that what I have are just not working.

Our little one is a real delight, just needs one of us with her to stop her getting into mischief---like many 18-24 month old children. I really don't need any further help from SS, we have good 2 way communication. The wonderful news is that potential Adopters have been identified, and once circumstances permit the process will really begin and she will be moving to her forever family---a wonderful outcome

We do go out into the garden everyday when the weather is fine, and little one plays on the gated decking---where we can sit and relax.

The gardening is pleasure, it relaxes me---except for the physical discomfort.

I do understand my daughters attitude. DH had a very bad chest infection last year, which resulted in tests for cancer---fortunately negative. Where we live is not the easiest area to observe social distancing, nor particularly attractive to go for a walk, the garden is peaceful and pleasant.

DH, is, well, DH>. He would never accept that he has OCD badly enough to need help. He is 79 and just is slowing down. I have helped sort many of his papers, but it goes in fits and starts.

We will get there, eventually.

Hi Lincolnimp, I am a foster cater too snd I care for 13 year old with global developmental delay, dyslexia and many autistic traits and I know just how challenging it can be. Do you foster through an agency if so you can get lots of support. Do you have a subscription to Foster Talk counselling service. I am told they are very god. If going out into the garden makes your hayfever worse why not skip the garden on days when pollen is high and go for a walk with child instead. You could look at windows and count the rainbows you can find. If you see a person coming towards you just cross the road to avoid them. If it is too much for you to take on sorting put dh hoard leave it until lock down is over and maybe your dd would either help you or occupy child so you can fo it then. Don't worry if the grass needs cutting or other jobs in garden need doing, no one is going to see it so leave it gor now and don't put yourself under so much pressure. Just take care of yourself, dh and little one. Ring GP as they may be able to adjust your dose of hay fever medication or add another medication to it. Remember you are not alone. You can ring your dd for a chat or come on to Gransnet. I am often awake in the night as I don't sleep well either. I read a book in the night if I can't sleep. Look on the bright side, at least you are not having to home school. Try to stay positive and don't watch too much news. We just watch the 5 o'clock briefing until 6 each night.

If you have Net flicks or can use your daughter's subscription on your television watch Marie Kondos 8 episodes of house tidying, with your husband. It is very interesting and gives some very emotionally positive ideas as well as a practical approach.

Lincolnimp you are an astounding woman.Maybe don't do such much in your garden if it leaves you feeling so wretched. Your husband being a hoarder must be very trying ,especially with a two year old.Please look after your wonderful self in these already trying times .

What a lot to cope with - I really feel for you, lincolnimp. 2 year olds are a handful at the best of times and together with your DH my heart goes out to you.

It does sound as if you have much to cope with. And not getting enough sleep is probably not helping you.
They say a trouble shared is a trouble halved, or something like that..so hopefully messages here are a help to you. Sorry but I can't help with hay fever advice or how to cope with your foster child; but hoarding perhaps.
DH is so reluctant to get rid of stuff years old, (better keep it ,just in case he says). My strategy: Give him small pile to sort himself. If it doesn't get done after a few days I suggest would he like me to do it; I go through it (in case there are important legal documents) then after a couple of days suggest there's nothing really needed from pile. Stuff then gets 'filed' in the rubbish bin. He's happy, I'm happy. It works for paper, old clothes etc. Yes, I know you're having to do it in the end, but little and often isn't quite so stressful as piles of junk and old boxes.
Good luck and stay strong!

havent you got a social worker for your foster child .maybe they can give advise....

havent you got any toys or mobiles that emit lights and sounds, as well as soft touch books. .. and you can go outside the house as you need some exercise ...a walk with your foster child will calm you and her down ,just remember to keep your distance.and wash your hands as soon as you get back in....

Life is so difficult for everyone at the moment, and we are all having to deal with it in our own way.,I feel so sorry for you and your situation.
You must look after your own mental well-being, and share any worries with us GransNetters.

I had a 'clear out' and found loads of old receipts etc some which were so old they'd faded off! - i had to be ruthless i realised,and get rid! So im sure you will have to take the lead on that- if theres any you can 'Pre-sort' like that then maybe give your hubby the rest to then try sort further.then you give a last check through maybe?

The fexofenadine is good.its been prescribed for my youngest son for awhile,now he seems to have it under control.If yours isnt working as well as it needs then ring your gp's surgery,they'll be doing phone consultations i shouldn't wonder..well done on the fostering!- but might it be time to 'hand over the reins' now to social services? Or at least get more help from them? As for your hubby,its very difficult for him too right now,my son (21) has OCD and the (covid19) situation has affected him greatly- hes upped his washing/showering/clothes washing a hundred fold so i do sympathise.will he let you help him to sort any of his things at all? Or it may be just too much for him to contemplate right now..you may have to be patient.difficult i know

Re- hay-fever.
I had a reaction about three years ago when I woke up with a face swollen like 'Elephant Man'. it was a reaction to spending the whole of the previous day preparing green beans for the freezer. I phoned the doctor and was told to go straight to hospital, then doctor phoned back and said " I don't think I made myself clear, you need to go by ambulance."I said the hospital is five minutes from here by car, my husband will get me there faster than sending for an ambulance. It all turned out o.k., I was taking an anti-histamine every day normally anyway but the doctor said you can safely take three a day. The reaction had been made worse because the tablet I had taken the previous day had worn off, but one every eight hours helps to keep symptoms under control. You need to check with your own doctor though to make sure that is appropriate for you.

I think if you are having a sort out and finding things like receipts from years ago, I would keep a sample from each year and if possible, get your husband to put them all into an album(s) that you can probably buy online.
It is all part of social history, from the prices of things to the shops that they were purchased from - many of which probably no longer exist!
Your husband could even possibly separate them in categories - by year or type - clothing reciepts, items for the house/car etc. Then when all this is done, donate them to your nearest county archive. That should keep OH happy for a while. As for yourself, either make sure all of your meds are up to date, make sure you wear wrap around sunglasses and get outside for even half an hour each day - would it be possible to take your foster child outside with you ?
It will give you a break from indoors and even just sitting outside with a coffee - with or without DH, will help.

lincolnimp, what a wonderful person you are,I sympathise with you having such a bad allergy, as others have said, ring you Doctor, stronger antihistamines will do the trick, once you can get out into the garden, things will be more positive. Enjoy your garden,I hope your Husband gets help.

Your situation sounds awful. I hope Social Services step up and help you.

Re the suggestion of CBT online for your husband. I have just started doing it and am finding it quite difficult to follow because I have become so distressed at this point in the lockdown. I don't want to put anyone off doing it online but your husband sounds confused. He might need help navigating the site.

I wish you well.

Im a bit puzzled. Why would you be unable to leave your house and garden because your husband has mobility issues?

Could you afford someone to do a few basics with the garden (not entering the house etc) ?
Your doc will be able to prescribe stronger medication for you which can be delivered.

Your husband could have on line cbt for his OCD if he wanted you know, but I think he would have want or at least agree to it himself. Im told cbt works very well for many OCD patients.

Your adult children are not in chsrge. You are.

oh .. gosh,, wish I had half of your energy... now I am feeling lazy, and need to go ,, do something... anything!

hugs

I take Fexofenadine (180mg per day), use a steroid nasal spray once a day and top up with decongestants when necessary. Talk to your GP.

Thank you everyone for your comments.
I am feeling a little better this morning, having heard my younger daughter singing on a youtube service led by her husband from their home.
I think one of my main problems is the hay fever and the way that it leaves me permanantly feeling as though I have been endlessly crying.
I have Fexofenadine tablets and a nasal spray on prescription, and over the counter eye drops.
These help with the itchy ears and throat, and no doubt lessen other symptoms, but still left with itchy and streaming eyes and nose and congested sinus's.
Still, life goes on and I do celebrate the little things.
We are having our weekly family Zoom quiz later this afternoon our turn to be quizmasters---I have been kind

Tough times lincolnimp in so many ways. But heartfelt admiration for what you have done in your life, fostering so many children. Part of you must be feeling sad that this child is your last.
About your projected move: my D and OH is also a hoarder (like his mother before him) and when we moved, the removal van was outside the door but he still hadn't sorted his workshop. A lovely neighbour, a really good friend, came in with some big boxes and just whooshed everything into them, so everything did get moved. He moaned for ages but did settle into the new place. Still hoarding but I do manage to keep it in his workshop and garage!

momb said it all really. Well done lincolnimp you are amazing. Now take care of yourself a little.

We are self isolating, but we are still going out each day for exercise, as long as you stay away from other people I can’t see that it would be a problem, I’m sure your daughter is trying to help, but mental health can creep up on you realise it.
Well done for fostering so many children, do Social Services offer you any help in the current situation?

I sympathise. My husband rarely chats and I could scream. And you have other problems too.. You're having such a hard time. Can you not take the child for a walk? I don't see why not.

Really sorry you are having such a tough time and hope things get better soon.
You sound like a wonderful lady and I salute you

Sorry to hear you are struggling lincolnimp it’s really hard to stay positive when everything is so uncertain.
You sound like an amazing lady though and what a genuinely worthwhile life you’re leading looking after so many foster children. I definitely take my hat off to you and your DH for that achievement
I hope you get your hay fever sorted so you can enjoy the garden and I hope things improve for you soon ?