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I'm really Struggling

(31 Posts)
lincolnimp Sun 26-Apr-20 03:24:25

I'm sure I'm not alone, but I'm really struggling.

My OHs OCD is getting worse, and he is hardly talking. I know that it is his way of responding to the situation, but I'm beginning to feel really down.

We are self isolating due to his age, chest problems and poor mobility---and our daughter is insisting that we don't go outside of our house and garden. She is shopping for us, and doing other necessary errands.

My hay fever is really bad, so an hour pottering in the garden is as much as I can manage. I then suffer with all hay fever symptoms for the rest of the day. There is lots to do out there, and I do love gardening, just not in hay fever season.. My OH isn't a gardener, and his lack of mobility means that he he can't help even if he was interested.

He is supposed to be sorting through all his 'stuff' ready for the move---if it ever happens---and to give you an idea of what it's like, we are finding receipts for clothing he bought before we were married 47 years ago. Yes, he is a hoarder and not much is happening to get rid of anything.

Just one other little thing, literally, I am still caring for our 110th and last Foster Child. She is just 2, with Global Developmental Delay, non verbal, has ARFID, and needs to be watched every minute she is awake.

Sorry about the moan, 03.22 and can't sleep

fiorentina51 Sun 26-Apr-20 04:33:29

So sorry that things are getting you down. I hope your situation improves soon. ?

Dwmxwg Sun 26-Apr-20 05:29:53

So sorry you are struggling at this time.
You are not alone. Everyone is having their personal challenges and some days we cope better than others.
Like you I have had a sleep deprived night, bad dreams and contact dermatitis driving me mad from constant hand washing.
I try to take pleasure from the small things and being awake in the early hours has meant I have enjoyed the dawn chorus.
Stay safe xx

mumofmadboys Sun 26-Apr-20 06:02:13

It sounds as if you have a lot to cope with especially with a 2 year old to care for as well.
Are you taking anti- histamines for the hay fever? If your OH isn't sorting through his stuff, will he allow you to? Just set yourself small goals each day. I am sure the situation will steadily improve as the lockdown measures are slowly relaxed.
You really must be a hugely competent person to have looked after 110 foster children. What a wonderful achievement!

Oldbutstilluseful Sun 26-Apr-20 06:03:29

Lincolnimp you sound utterly wrung out, but to have fostered 110 children and looked after your husband you must be an incredibly strong woman. You will have times like this when you are struggling to cope, but you will get through it, one day at a time. Hay fever is really bad this year. Please phone your Doctor to get a prescription for stronger antihistamines than you can buy over the counter. You won’t be the only one, I promise you.
One good night’s sleep will help. I hope it happens soon for you, and keep posting here, it too will help. Good luck

Missfoodlove Sun 26-Apr-20 08:31:16

Wow! You have a lot to deal with and I am sorry.
I can give you some advice te your hay fever
I am highly allergic to all pollen, house dust, animal fur etc. Prescription drugs will clear all your symptom, I take fexophenadine and a nasal spray. No side effects no hay fever!
The difference it’s made to my life is incredible, hay fever is so debilitating.
Call your doctor and ask for a prescription.

brook2704 Sun 26-Apr-20 08:40:57

Sorry to hear you are struggling lincolnimp it’s really hard to stay positive when everything is so uncertain.
You sound like an amazing lady though and what a genuinely worthwhile life you’re leading looking after so many foster children. I definitely take my hat off to you and your DH for that achievement
I hope you get your hay fever sorted so you can enjoy the garden and I hope things improve for you soon ?

Sark Sun 26-Apr-20 09:00:31

Really sorry you are having such a tough time and hope things get better soon.
You sound like a wonderful lady and I salute youflowers

annep1 Sun 26-Apr-20 09:12:25

I sympathise. My husband rarely chats and I could scream. And you have other problems too.. You're having such a hard time. Can you not take the child for a walk? I don't see why not.

Oopsadaisy3 Sun 26-Apr-20 09:19:28

We are self isolating, but we are still going out each day for exercise, as long as you stay away from other people I can’t see that it would be a problem, I’m sure your daughter is trying to help, but mental health can creep up on you realise it.
Well done for fostering so many children, do Social Services offer you any help in the current situation?

sodapop Sun 26-Apr-20 12:19:14

momb said it all really. Well done lincolnimp you are amazing. Now take care of yourself a little.

Romola Sun 26-Apr-20 12:37:58

Tough times lincolnimp in so many ways. But heartfelt admiration for what you have done in your life, fostering so many children. Part of you must be feeling sad that this child is your last.
About your projected move: my D and OH is also a hoarder (like his mother before him) and when we moved, the removal van was outside the door but he still hadn't sorted his workshop. A lovely neighbour, a really good friend, came in with some big boxes and just whooshed everything into them, so everything did get moved. He moaned for ages but did settle into the new place. Still hoarding but I do manage to keep it in his workshop and garage!

lincolnimp Sun 26-Apr-20 13:08:16

Thank you everyone for your comments.
I am feeling a little better this morning, having heard my younger daughter singing on a youtube service led by her husband from their home.
I think one of my main problems is the hay fever and the way that it leaves me permanantly feeling as though I have been endlessly crying.
I have Fexofenadine tablets and a nasal spray on prescription, and over the counter eye drops.
These help with the itchy ears and throat, and no doubt lessen other symptoms, but still left with itchy and streaming eyes and nose and congested sinus's.
Still, life goes on and I do celebrate the little things.
We are having our weekly family Zoom quiz later this afternoon our turn to be quizmasters---I have been kind grin

vampirequeen Sun 26-Apr-20 15:17:26

I take Fexofenadine (180mg per day), use a steroid nasal spray once a day and top up with decongestants when necessary. Talk to your GP.

polnan Mon 27-Apr-20 09:53:49

oh .. gosh,, wish I had half of your energy... now I am feeling lazy, and need to go ,, do something... anything!


Bluekitchen192 Mon 27-Apr-20 09:55:53

Im a bit puzzled. Why would you be unable to leave your house and garden because your husband has mobility issues?

Could you afford someone to do a few basics with the garden (not entering the house etc) ?
Your doc will be able to prescribe stronger medication for you which can be delivered.

Your husband could have on line cbt for his OCD if he wanted you know, but I think he would have want or at least agree to it himself. Im told cbt works very well for many OCD patients.

Your adult children are not in chsrge. You are.

albertina Mon 27-Apr-20 10:15:35

Your situation sounds awful. I hope Social Services step up and help you.

Re the suggestion of CBT online for your husband. I have just started doing it and am finding it quite difficult to follow because I have become so distressed at this point in the lockdown. I don't want to put anyone off doing it online but your husband sounds confused. He might need help navigating the site.

I wish you well.

Joesoap Mon 27-Apr-20 10:55:16

lincolnimp, what a wonderful person you are,I sympathise with you having such a bad allergy, as others have said, ring you Doctor, stronger antihistamines will do the trick, once you can get out into the garden, things will be more positive. Enjoy your garden,I hope your Husband gets help.

jaylucy Mon 27-Apr-20 11:09:53

I think if you are having a sort out and finding things like receipts from years ago, I would keep a sample from each year and if possible, get your husband to put them all into an album(s) that you can probably buy online.
It is all part of social history, from the prices of things to the shops that they were purchased from - many of which probably no longer exist!
Your husband could even possibly separate them in categories - by year or type - clothing reciepts, items for the house/car etc. Then when all this is done, donate them to your nearest county archive. That should keep OH happy for a while. As for yourself, either make sure all of your meds are up to date, make sure you wear wrap around sunglasses and get outside for even half an hour each day - would it be possible to take your foster child outside with you ?
It will give you a break from indoors and even just sitting outside with a coffee - with or without DH, will help.

kwest Mon 27-Apr-20 11:12:29

Re- hay-fever.
I had a reaction about three years ago when I woke up with a face swollen like 'Elephant Man'. it was a reaction to spending the whole of the previous day preparing green beans for the freezer. I phoned the doctor and was told to go straight to hospital, then doctor phoned back and said " I don't think I made myself clear, you need to go by ambulance."I said the hospital is five minutes from here by car, my husband will get me there faster than sending for an ambulance. It all turned out o.k., I was taking an anti-histamine every day normally anyway but the doctor said you can safely take three a day. The reaction had been made worse because the tablet I had taken the previous day had worn off, but one every eight hours helps to keep symptoms under control. You need to check with your own doctor though to make sure that is appropriate for you.

Nannan2 Mon 27-Apr-20 12:00:44

The fexofenadine is good.its been prescribed for my youngest son for awhile,now he seems to have it under control.If yours isnt working as well as it needs then ring your gp's surgery,they'll be doing phone consultations i shouldn't wonder..well done on the fostering!- but might it be time to 'hand over the reins' now to social services? Or at least get more help from them? As for your hubby,its very difficult for him too right now,my son (21) has OCD and the (covid19) situation has affected him greatly- hes upped his washing/showering/clothes washing a hundred fold so i do sympathise.will he let you help him to sort any of his things at all? Or it may be just too much for him to contemplate right may have to be patient.difficult i knowhmm

Nannan2 Mon 27-Apr-20 12:07:01

I had a 'clear out' and found loads of old receipts etc some which were so old they'd faded off! - i had to be ruthless i realised,and get rid! So im sure you will have to take the lead on that- if theres any you can 'Pre-sort' like that then maybe give your hubby the rest to then try sort further.then you give a last check through maybe?

Aepgirl Mon 27-Apr-20 12:59:20

Life is so difficult for everyone at the moment, and we are all having to deal with it in our own way.,I feel so sorry for you and your situation.
You must look after your own mental well-being, and share any worries with us GransNetters.

moggie57 Mon 27-Apr-20 13:47:17

havent you got any toys or mobiles that emit lights and sounds, as well as soft touch books. .. and you can go outside the house as you need some exercise ...a walk with your foster child will calm you and her down ,just remember to keep your distance.and wash your hands as soon as you get back in....

moggie57 Mon 27-Apr-20 13:55:55

havent you got a social worker for your foster child .maybe they can give advise....