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visiting family during lockdown

(172 Posts)
Samaromo Sun 17-May-20 09:58:48

My husband has suggested we visit our two daughters today. Our younger daughter and granddaughter are only a few miles away but our older daughter is approx 60 miles along the coast. He's still expecting us to socially distance with them and just stand in the garden and talk to them so I got got upset and said I don't see the point. I want to be able to hug them all and won't be able to do so, is going to visit them in person and still keep 2 metres apart actually any better than using facetime or zoom to talk to them? I think I will just find that seeing them in person will make me more upset and frustrated that I can't have any physical contact with them. If I don't see them in person it is almost as if we are just all busy and only have time to keep in contact via texts etc and somehow I find that easier to cope with than reminding myself that we are all being forced apart by lockdown. Do others feel the same way?

Norah Sun 17-May-20 16:10:21

I agree with Samaromo. I'm believing to wait and do not understand rushing to meet up.

Puzzler61 Sun 17-May-20 16:40:53

I would only see my daughters at a 2-3 metre distance, at separate times in an open space.

I love them far too much to want to firstly risk their health, or secondly, my own.

I don’t have any GC. , but I can feel - just reading the thread -how some GP’s yearn for their GC’s ?
From the lyrics of a haunting Elton John song “it’s a sad, sad situation”.

Stay safe GNetters.

MamaCaz Sun 17-May-20 16:50:33

Yesterday, we had a huge swarm of bees cluster on a small tree at the vpbottom of our front garden.
I shared the photos on WhatsApp with family, and dil rushed up to ours immediately so the dgc could see them.

While we all agreed that it was a shame that we couldn't give each other hugs (and kept well over 2m apart at all times), I was just happy to see them in person and wasn't sad. ☺

Calendargirl Sun 17-May-20 17:30:47

I thought it was still only meeting one other person in a public space, which doesn’t include gardens, and socially distancing.
I realise a garden is an open space and doesn’t seem much difference, but that’s what was said on one of the government briefings earlier this week. Maybe it’s changed and I’ve missed it.

Witzend Sun 17-May-20 17:34:40

Samaromo, , I feel the same. Dd wants to drive an hour and a half with her youngest, nearly 5 month old Gdd, to do a socially-distanced walk in our local park, so we can see the baby.
I know I shall be absolutely dying to give her (and dd) a cuddle, so really I’d rather stick with the photos and little videos dd sends almost every day. But I feel we shall have to do it, or dd might be upset.
At least we were lucky to see the baby from birth for a few weeks, though, which is more than some GPs have been able to do.

Cabbie21 Sun 17-May-20 18:32:08

I am lucky as I can see my daughter and teenage grandchildren quite often, as she includes items for me in her online deliveries so she brings the shopping to me. Occasionally I go to her, a 10 minute drive and she has a huge front garden so there is plenty of room. Actually since we and she have not mixed with anyone we are as safe as possible, but if and when the children go back to school it will be much more risky.

Michy Mon 18-May-20 07:18:53

YES YES The advice/rules/guidance is Barmy
Take Care

vegansrock Mon 18-May-20 07:34:17

The rules have become deliberately vague so people will blame others if there is a second spike rather than the government. I think it’s much lower risk to meet a family member in a private garden at a distance than in a crowded park with all sorts of people we don’t know crowding about.

Hetty58 Mon 18-May-20 07:36:18

We are all different. If you feel that a visit would be too upsetting for you then stick to Zoom.

It's not just about following rules and physical safety. Being near loved ones (2 metres away) means you have to strongly resist the urge to hug them, that's the trouble.

My daughter and grandchildren have visited twice since lockdown, when she's brought shopping for me.

We spoke through the closed window - on our phones, waved and clowned around. The little one played up, not understanding why she couldn't come in.

I slapped a happy smile on - but cried when they'd gone - as it seemed so unnatural and upsetting. We've stuck to Skype since.

Theoddbird Mon 18-May-20 09:51:40

You are allowed to see one person who is not in your household in an open place such as a park social distancing. Going to someone's garden breaks the rules. Simple really. How would you feel if you saw every family doing this?

CrazyGrandma2 Mon 18-May-20 09:52:52

Well said Lucky Girl Common sense must prevail!

lynn56 Mon 18-May-20 09:58:09

If you can find a safe way to see your family take it !!!

I finally saw my daughter and grand daughter who is a baby and although we didn’t touch it was just soooo good to actually see her and be in the same park .

Hang on to what we can do

polnan Mon 18-May-20 09:58:18

so sad.. I live alone, and my family, two ds and two dils, 4 gc
are keeping away from me, other than essential, (very few and far between) to protect me!

when I have seen one or more of them, it is good, then afterwards, the tears... better to have loved?
so complex....

Theoddbird Mon 18-May-20 10:04:36

People breaking the clearly set out rules are the ones I would blame if there is a spike in those catching the virus....

Gingergirl Mon 18-May-20 10:05:49

Well, I would say the longer distance anyway, isn’t really in the spirit of the current advice. And would you need the toilet with that length of trip....which could be a problem. For the daughter much closer, if your granddaughter is very young, would she understand that you need to be at a distance and how would it affect her? If very young, it may be better to wait. If older and you really want to see them at a distance (and them you!) why not? You may find it’s ok to just have a chat...maybe take them or a ‘soften’ the situation...keep it light and cheerful and just a short time and you may enjoy it....why not..?

nanna123 Mon 18-May-20 10:06:07

Bit of background - I am a fit 68 year old and have been looking after my 2 year old grandchild and 5 year old after school one day a week (before Covid) They are returning to school and nursery on 1 June - can I resume my duties do you think? I will be spending all day with 2 year old and after school until with 5 year old - I could leave when parents return thereby limiting contact
Or am I just kidding myself??

Gingergirl Mon 18-May-20 10:07:17

And to add....I’m always upset when I come off a FaceTime call to family....but it doesn’t stop me wanting to do it. The tears may be worth it!

Lulu16 Mon 18-May-20 10:09:43

I haven't met any of my family except by Zoom and FaceTime.
My 94 year old Mum lives a seven hour journey away.
Not sure of the logistics of travelling by train with three/four changes of trains at different stations.
Will make do with a daily phone call and be thankful for having a chat.

Jeannie59 Mon 18-May-20 10:12:05

I may not see my 2 daughters, and 4 dgc, one of whom has just graduated in Connecticut, as they live in the U.S and oz maybe for a year due to this
So many of you are fortunate to have that dilemma, shall we visit or not?
Many of us dont have any choice

Marieeliz Mon 18-May-20 10:12:13

I agree with Franbern. I am 80 on my own no visitors. I see people families together by every day. As long as you are careful. I don't see the problem. I live in an over 55s area most of them have been having visitors. I cannot see my friends as they won't break the rules and it is effecting my mental health especially as I recently moved to a new area.

Onlynan Mon 18-May-20 10:12:33

I feel exactly the same. It breaks my heart when I'm near or see the granchildren and I can't hug them. My granchildren are not coping with comming to the end of Nannys drive without comming in the house so I guess they feel the same. My daughter heard her 3year old playing and talking to himself saying 'are you still my nanny and grandad?' There are nanny and grandads in my area looking after their grandchildren while their parents go to work.

Yogadatti Mon 18-May-20 10:16:41

Actually sitting in a garden is probably better than a park.....because the bench/park has been sat on/walked on by countless logically your own garden is safer. If they said one rule for flat owners and one for houses with gardens , there would be the usual U.K. rubbish talking about two for the “Have” and one for the “Have not”.....Life isn’t fair, that’s just the way it is......

Wake Mon 18-May-20 10:16:49

I agree with the first post. My granddaughters are 4 and 3 and live fairly close by. We FaceTime them every two days. They would not understand why they have to keep a distance and my daughter would have to stop them running to us. Quite upsetting. My sister and I had the same conversation. She actually met her daughter who has a baby and 2 year old. She said she couldn’t wait for the walk to end and felt guilty that she was meeting up with her grandchidren.
The recommendations are not to meet in a garden. We have two back gates so would not need to go through the house but we are still following the ‘rules’ unlike a lot of people.
I don’t want to take a chance. I would rather wait and spend proper time with my children rather than snatched moments.

Coconut Mon 18-May-20 10:16:49

In a world full of doubt and uncertainty, stay safe and think things thro carefully. If the worst case scenario happened to any of your loved ones, try to be sure that you would have no regrets.

NannyG123 Mon 18-May-20 10:18:55

Notagran. The rule is meet one other person from a different household. In an open space don't think that includes garden. I have seen my son and daughter from a distance when they bought some shopping round, they could have come in my garden through a side gate, but we all thought it best not to. Don't think that's to difficult to understand. We may not like it, and I know a lot of people are missing family and friends,, but I'm sorry I put health and safety first.