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visiting family during lockdown

(172 Posts)
Samaromo Sun 17-May-20 09:58:48

My husband has suggested we visit our two daughters today. Our younger daughter and granddaughter are only a few miles away but our older daughter is approx 60 miles along the coast. He's still expecting us to socially distance with them and just stand in the garden and talk to them so I got got upset and said I don't see the point. I want to be able to hug them all and won't be able to do so, is going to visit them in person and still keep 2 metres apart actually any better than using facetime or zoom to talk to them? I think I will just find that seeing them in person will make me more upset and frustrated that I can't have any physical contact with them. If I don't see them in person it is almost as if we are just all busy and only have time to keep in contact via texts etc and somehow I find that easier to cope with than reminding myself that we are all being forced apart by lockdown. Do others feel the same way?

Nelly1966 Mon 18-May-20 16:46:39

We visited our daughter and her wife on Saturday evening as she suggested we meet up. As they only have two garden chairs we sat on them on the patio and they opened the patio doors and sat on their rug indoors. We waited till our granddaughter had gone to bed as she is only 19 months old and cannot understand why she can't play and have cuddles with us. We had planned the visit since Wednesday and at first I was worried that it would be upsetting but as the weekend approached I looked forward to it and took plenty of tissue just in case! ? The visit went fine, no one got upset and it was wonderful to see them both and be able to chat properly and we also had a giggle about things. I still miss our granddaughter terribly of course but we were all glad we did it and will probably do it again. Xxx

Molli Mon 18-May-20 16:50:38

I would love to know the answer to this too.

Doctorgran Mon 18-May-20 16:56:28

We have had several visits with adult son and wife who are 90 miles away. We are fortunate to live in the country and have gone for hikes keeping 6 feet (or 2M) away or more. Outside has the advantage of dissipating droplets more quickly if there is wind (and everyone is not downwind lol) . We do bleach the guest bathroom down before and after including knobs etc so they can use the bathroom. We picnic outside- they bring their own food. But it is really nice seeing them and worth the drive. We even went one Saturday to visit them in Atlanta. We picnicked out of the back of our respective cars, and went for a walk in their neighborhood. We avoided the parks because they are very crowded, the neighborhood, luckily, is very nice and quiet with only a few fellow walkers. Live visits are much much better than face-time!!!

Franbern Mon 18-May-20 18:29:39

Starbird, could have been a post by me,. So agree.
every year there are thousands of deaths due to winter flu and also thousands more from Heart Attcks, and Cancer. No daily briefings, no lockdown, no panic - in fact most of us do not even know how many deaths take place annually from these three things.
So far no-one has managed to produce any vaccine against any of the corona diseases. Aids have had scientists working for three decades and still no vaccine. Yes, better medical care and drugs for those that do have it, and that is what is happening and likely to progress with this CV19.
What we do know is that it is going to be decades, for the country to recover from the economic hardships that this has all caused, and that, in itself, is going to so many people a great deal of unhappiness and many deaths,.
Do not think that just obeying government advice is necessarily the best thing to do. Not sure that the government is really all that interested in dealing with this virus - so much they have not done over the past few months have been so bad and wrong.

Dowsabella Mon 18-May-20 20:04:00

I have three children two of whom have spouses, seven grandchildren and one step-great grandson. How I long to see them all! However, one daughter lives in Montreal, so no visiting her. The other two children and six of my grandchildren all live approximately 100 miles away (two separate households) and my eldest grandaughter lives with her partner and my step-great-grandson slightly closer. I am on water tablets!! 'Nuff said, methinks!! wink

Lizbethann55 Mon 18-May-20 20:28:30

starbird but you are making more work for the medical profession. Have you not seen the film reports from inside ICU units? Patients with this disease breathe better on their fronts. It takes a team of up to 10 medics all completely covered in PPE at least 20 minutes quite simply just to turn one patient over. And that is the easiest bit of their care. And let's not forget the weeks and months of work by the speech, occupational and physio therapists to help the survivors get back to living a normal life. Medics do not literally risk their lives helping a drug addict or someone who is obese. Do what you want if you must, but don't you ever dare say you are not making more work for the NHS, because that is so wrong!!!

GeorgyGirl Mon 18-May-20 20:51:31

I feel exactly the same as you do Samaromo, the temptation to hug the family would be too great trying to keep the distance and the children would not really understand, so like you, I am waiting for the time when we can be together properly, it would be too upsetting for us all not to be able to be close. Everyone is different and we are dealing with this in our own way.

GeorgyGirl Mon 18-May-20 20:54:57

P.S. We make the most of Videocalls.

Barmeyoldbat Mon 18-May-20 21:04:07

Now that lockdown ha been eased a bit and we can meet one person in a public place I decided to meet up with my son. But he lives in a city and everywhere around where he lives (which is near a popular outdoor space) was crowded so we went back to his house and I went into the garden via the back lane. We sat apart with a cup of coffee and had a wonderful chat, the GD leaned out the bedroom window and joined in, it was just such a lovely time.

Yogagran70 Mon 18-May-20 22:24:28

Totally agree with you

BoBo53 Mon 18-May-20 23:07:41

How come it was OK for Captain Tom (bless him I'm not criticising him) to have all and sundry in his garden but we can't. Agree sensible use of one's own garden for short visits should be allowed.

Taichinan Tue 19-May-20 01:22:56

Remember that for most people the virus is not deadly or serious.
To that I would remind everyone that for thousands it was deadly and for goodness knows how many more thousands it is a very serious illness which will, it is suspected, have long term consequences. Is it really worth risking that, for yourself but more so for the people you love? I think complacency has crept in and people feel that it won't happen to them - it only happens to other people in other places. I just hope you're right, for your sakes, but I will stay locked away for however long it takes, and I know all my family will too. Thank goodness for WhatsApp and video calls.

SueH49 Tue 19-May-20 03:59:08

If I was the OP I would, assuming it is allowable in the restrictions visit the family. We were fortunate enough to have had our restrictions eased and we can now have, among other things, 5 people visit our homes. My family visited last weekend but we still maintained appropriate distances and there was no hugging. Regardless of that it was so much better than phone calls and facetime. Hugging and touching is not necessary to enjoy seeing loved ones.

People cannot sensibly go on for ever not meeting family and others. Many of us go shopping or to medical appointments or to work etc and have not been infected. Most of us, at this time, could easily meet others with no adverse effects. Yes there is a chance but if one looks at the odds I think they are in favour of not becoming infected.
Maybe because I am in Australia and we only have just over 7000 people who have contracted the virus and 99 deaths I see the risk as being very low.

I also think people who say no one should go out or resume activities, where adequate precautions can be and are being taken, because they may have an accident are a bit over the top. How often do you have an accident when you go out?. If often enough for it to be of concern perhaps you are best staying at home but most people can go out and return home without any mishap. The virus does not make having an accident any more likely. I do understand the concern about adding a burden to the medical staff and others that may be needed to help in the case of an accident but it is low in my opinion. You are just as likely to have an accident at home. The drain on the medical system would be no less so what's the difference?

Yogagirl Tue 19-May-20 10:03:43

I too think sitting in your own garden, using a side gate, is safer than a public park & bench!

I have facetime with my D&GC & they have popped round in the car about 3/4 times now, they stay in the car & GC still with set belts fastened. We send virtual hugs & kisses, it's lovely all round & quite safe. We have a lovely chat & giggle and I received my mothers day gift, next visit a gift from my GD that she chose in school; a unicorn pen & pad grin chosen before lockdown & school closures.

Daughter said yesterday that her husband wants his mum to visit in the garden, my D is a bit unsure, but said if it goes well, I'm next. But like others I'm not sure if I want to, the 19mnth old always puts her arms out for me to hold her when she visits [before CV] and stays there most of the visit! My 4yr GD I cuddle & kiss & read to them both cuddled up on the settee. So to stay 2mtrs apart, with baby GD holding out her arms to me sad don't think I could do it!

Gma29 Tue 19-May-20 12:01:22

Without an effective vaccine it will eventually come down to everyone assessing their own level of risk, and adjusting their behaviour accordingly.

For the moment though, I wish people would stick to the rules. It’s not because I’m bothered as such what others do, but unless they do, it will be very hard to assess what level of restrictions are effective.

endre123 Tue 19-May-20 12:21:46

I live in a cul de sac of 15 houses. 60% of us are shieldling or isolating. Many had their grand children to stay regularly and it was loveky to see them playing in the street. But that has had to stop with the lock down.
One couple were getting their groceries delivered by two teenage grandsons & after the first couple of weeks she asked them to dinner. Two weeks later the grandfather (always frail) was rushed to hospital with covid.
Another couple shielding, but usually always fit, had no other callers in this time, but asked their two small grandchildren to call for a treat. The grandfather died last weekend.
In both cases the grand children lived in the same village so it was very very hard not to see them.
The neighbourhood is devastated as no one expects this to happen.
Then we must remember others on TV who have lost family begging us to stay at home, keep isolating. This virus is very random and it presents in several ways. It mostly asymptomatic in children. But we need research to find out why some spread it so effectively
We know 26 teachers and 65 school staff died by April 6th and many more are still very ill.

The teenagers involved are heartbroken because they blame themselves which is a tragedy itself.

It's not worth the physical hug. We have to wait until we know much more and people get tested. People can look and feel well but carry the virus.

If my grand children lived in my village I would also have begged them to call secretly. But the children would blame themselves if I got covid.

GreenGran78 Tue 19-May-20 14:14:58

The closest I have got to my family is a long-distance chat down the driveway, when my DD is walking the dogs.
Apart from that, it has been strictly phone or FaceTime,
During the lockdown I have missed my GD’s 21st, my GS’s 18th and my GD’s 3rd birthdays, and the birth of my GS in Australia last week.

We would all love to have hugs and contact with our families. The virus stops some of us, and distance stops others. If you can spend some time walking and chatting with a family member, even at a 2 metre distance, grab the opportunity and enjoy it.

Some people don’t even have the facility to phone or FaceTime their families.

Catterygirl Tue 19-May-20 17:00:08

I am 68. I often had my maternal nana stay with us. We were close and were born walkers. My paternal grandmum taught me embroidery and we were close. I have no recollection of a hug or kiss from either. Nor, ever ever heard I Love you! Just saying. Dad's job took us abroad a lot so hardly ever saw them.

Yogagirl Fri 22-May-20 07:10:42

endre123 Very informative & thought provoking post, makes you think twice about that longed for hug!

Sparkling Fri 22-May-20 07:20:34

I would go. If your granddaughter is at an age where she can understand and do furs distancing go for a walk in the open air, it will do you all good, if not, take a couple of chairs and sit outside and talk to them. This could go on for ages. Stay safe.

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 22-May-20 07:40:08

We have had regular visits from DD, when she drops our shopping off, we all sit outside, she uses the spare loo which is wiped down when she leaves,
We don’t hug or touch though and I handle any cups or glasses with gloves on and put them straight into the Dish washer.
If I can go to the supermarket and stand 2 metres away from a total stranger or open my house to potential buyers, then I am sensible enough to let DD into the garden 2 metres away.
If either of us feels unwell or sniffy(we all get Hay Fever) then she doesn’t come in but drops the shopping on the doorstep.
If this is going to go on for who knows how long we have to start to make our own sensible choices.
But I’m sensible enough to know that I can’t visit other DD and GCs any time soon as it’s so far away, so it’s FaceTime and zoom for them and other family members, especially important last week as it was their Grandmas funeral and no one could go, but they all wanted to see and talk about her together, it was better than nothing.