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Today I just want to scream.....

(58 Posts)
Anne107 Wed 20-May-20 10:22:45

Hi all, I think we all got our really low moments- some days are good and other days not so good. For the last couple of days I have felt really low. I was widowed in 2008 and live alone in a one bedroom ground floor apartment but with no garden- although if I look out of my windows I do have a bit of greenery with trees ? and enjoy hearing the birds outside and watching little squirrels having a great time running around playing. I have my buddy Shadow, my cat, to keep me company. My son and grandchildren phone often and we have a little FaceTime together. I also have heart disease and borderline diabetes which has caused me some fear in venturing out even for a little walk! And yes I keep telling myself there are hundreds worse off than myself. But some days I just feel plain low! I believe when I go on Facebook and all these people with their gardens and children playing in garden or sitting in sun with a nice glass of wine with their partners or relaxing in a jacuzzi watching their beautiful flowers blossoming just makes me feel worse. Yes, I know I sound resentful but I am sure I would be better if I just had a garden or even a balcony! I truly do not begrudge anyone who has a home with garden - I just wish I was in that position. I retired in January of this year and had plans to do voluntary work with animals (I love animals) and was also hoping to attend art classes, even looking into dog walking. That has all now been put on hold because of this damn virus. And as I have already stated above I keep telling myself over and over there are hundreds of people worse off than me - most days it works for me and I able to count my blessings but other days I just want to scream!

missdeke Thu 21-May-20 09:38:56

Anne107 I am in a similar situation to you, I live alone (am supposed to be shielding because of health concerns) with my cat Shadow, but I do have a garden and it has been my saviour. Please do try and get out for a walk. A facemask and social distancing should keep you safe enough. Sending you flowers

Jishere Thu 21-May-20 09:45:36

Have you thought about online classes? Because lots are offering these classes online and especially if you are on facebook you might see them. Although it sounds like you need a break from Facebook.
I find it silly to look at another families photos and believe what? They are all happy because they are smiling, a smile is often for the camera whilst no one is going to take photos of arguments or tears! I agree with others take a walk and sit somewhere in the sun, vit D will help.
Is there any support groups you can contact locally. I think that is the hardest thing being alone even if you are still at work, maybe we could get an WhatsApp group of lonely grans at the moment?

Coco51 Thu 21-May-20 09:50:17

Anne107 So sorry you are having a hard time of it. And don’t worry about telling us how you feel. I am very fortunate in my shielding but I think often how difficult it is to live alone. You mentioned art classes - have you thought of joining an online group? I know it is not so personal, but like being here there will be people who understand what you are going through. Having absolutely zero drawing skills I joined a colouring group lead by Johanna Basford - she does a daily live session and it's a tonic to hear her friendly voice. There may be some other facebook groups for your other interests ‘I ❤️Cats’ is one with lots of youtubes of cats doing crazy things - I don’t have a cat but would love to have one. The main thing that I hang on to is that I want to be around to hug my ACs and GCs and if it means staying away for now there is something to lok forward to - albeit a long way off ?

Megs36 Thu 21-May-20 09:50:21

Anne, I do sympathise,I fact just posted elsewhere in similar vein, not sure ifit helps to unload but all the best and you’re not alone ?

Laughterlines Thu 21-May-20 09:52:00


frue Thu 21-May-20 09:57:31

thanks to this website - such a comfort to know I'm not alone with negative feelings. Helps no end.

mimismo Thu 21-May-20 09:58:52

You need vit D to keep your mood positive. If you have a south-facing window, open it and sit facing the sun for 30 mins on days that it's possible, or east facing in the morning, or west facing in the afternoon. Don't wear sunglasses, but you can perch reading glasses on your nose so that you can sunbathe and read at the same time. I don't know if it's a placebo effect or not but when I was locked down for 6 weeks with no outdoor exercise allowed the sun definitely made me feel better. Even now I try to walk on the sunny side of the street and sit at the window when I can. Hope your mood passes soon xx

rowyn Thu 21-May-20 10:36:22

Join an online choir. I've been singing daily with the Great British Home Chorus and Gareth Malone, though next week he's calling it half term. But he'll be back the following week. I think he's worn himself out after over 40 sessions.
Or there's another one, called the Stay At Home Choir.and maybe others I don't know about.
I'm on my own , and having that half hour session to look forward to each weekday has given the day a bit of shape, but also provided 30 minutes of forgetting everything and enjoying the singing. It really lifts my mood.
Doesn't matter how good or bad you are - no one can hear you! You can upload a recording of yourself, but that's too much technological hard work for me!

Juicylucy Thu 21-May-20 10:42:24

As many have said already please get out for a little walk, you are allowed to sit outside in parks etc now. Why don’t you pick a time of day when you feel there will be less people around and take a leisurely stroll and sit in the afternoon sun for abit. Also do you have anywhere outside your door where you could maybe get a few pots with plants that you could tend to.
The virus is so many times weaker in the outdoors. Please step outside the door you won’t regret it.

blondenana Thu 21-May-20 10:48:39

You wouldn't know there is a lock down here ,the beach was full of people .close together, and miles of cars lining the roads in to the town
Local people aren't happy as most of us are staying at home
Although no toilets or cafes open,they still came angry

icanhandthemback Thu 21-May-20 10:57:23

If you are pre-diabetic, exercise is the best thing you can do to distance yourself from it. The reason diabetics are in more danger with C-19 is from the damage to the vascular system and organs that has happened from the diabetes. You will not have had that happen unless you have other ailments so you are not at a greater risk so do not let that keep you inside. Go out and really take notice of your surroundings. Stand and watch the wildlife if you can or just look at the beauty of flowers and how they are made. You'll find the combination of exercise and mindfulness is mood lifting.

Hawera1 Thu 21-May-20 11:22:15

There is a saying feel the fear and do it anyway. Go out for short walks and keep social distancing. Only go as far as you feel able and build it up with a few walks a day as you feel fit. Don't be frightened of going alone. If you had a turn I'm sure someone would do.something. Have you got a mobile phone you can take. Exercise or lack of it affects the mind too. I have multiple health issues too. No I'm not living alone in New Zealand although at times being cooped up with hubby 24/7 I would have liked some space. You are lonely and are missing social contact. I found when I went to bed at night I think now what will i do tommorow. I set myself one or two little things It just makes you feel more in control of your own life. Take time to.pamper yourself. Look after your skin or do your nails. Doesn't matter what age we are we are still a woman. Put some makeup.on just for you. Just let us know how you are going. We are all in this together even across the world.

Hawera1 Thu 21-May-20 11:24:21

Then of course there is the saying that this too will pass. There's light to look forward to.

Liz46 Thu 21-May-20 11:35:19

I have lung problems and have had three shielding letters. I stayed in for six weeks and felt my health deteriorating. I have just been for a brisk half hour walk. Everyone seems much friendlier and people cross the road so as to not walk too close.

We speak to neighbours from a distance and many of them have offered to shop for us if needed.

A mask would not be much use in protecting you. The idea is to stop you infecting other people but you haven't been anywhere to catch anything!

polnan Thu 21-May-20 11:41:08

praying for all of us here.

Jishere Thu 21-May-20 11:51:34

Thanks Rowyn I just signed up to the online choir. I doubt the neighbours will want to thank you though!??

I just realised this is the time to do things you wouldnt have dreamt doing before. Has anyone else found a new hobby?

rowyn Thu 21-May-20 12:13:08

Hurray, Jishere. Have you found all the sheet music and the tracks for each part? Think we'll be singing Ordinary World tonight and maybe Somewhere only we know. Oh and maybe Gloria.

Jishere Thu 21-May-20 12:22:37

I just signed into utube but will be looking forward to it later, just off to deliver shopping now. I'm looking forward to raising the roof!! Thank you for this and happy singingx

Ellie Anne Thu 21-May-20 12:24:50

As a couple of people have said things are not always rosy for folks who live with a partner. I would nt cope if I didn’t go for walks and occasionally to the supermarket. I find most people are good at keeping their distance. I am just praying it will be over soon. I’m in Scotland so we are still very restricted.

Dillonsgranma Thu 21-May-20 12:32:01

I’m in the vulnerable shielding category but I still sneak out early in the morning and walk my tiny dogs on the beach. I’m so lucky to have a car so I’m not in any danger. Front door to car. Then car to beach. I avoid everyone like the plague and make sure they’re two metres from me.
Please go for a walk. It will lift your spirits xx

Mealybug Thu 21-May-20 12:33:15

Anne you could still do a bit of gardening, can you afford to get some planters (the garden centres are open now near us) and plant and maintain them. Seeds are cheap enough with a bit of compost. Or see if any neighbours are throwing out old crates etc and make your own little piece of garden outside of your apartment, it will lift your spirits when you're at home. Or a walk in the park would help. I look after hubby who has dementia and is bedridden, I haven't seen GC for 8 weeks but I have my dogs and there's nothing better than to sit outside for half an hour to get some fresh air and sunlight. You don't need a big garden xx

ALANaV Thu 21-May-20 13:00:05

Yes, Ann too ...I made the mistake of buying a retirement flat …..but now it is getting like a care home sadly …..people who really are not fit to live independently live here and have carers...this means the rest of us are having to isolate under the same rules which is unfair ! the lovely garden access is locked, the benches are taped up ..there are notices on the doors saying NO VISITORS no deliveries (they are left outside in the car park !) the apartment owners (a well known retirement apartment builder) has said this block is NOT a care home, but as people own their own flats there is nothing they can do …..but it is such a shame we are ALL in lockdown and a lot of us are under 60 (it is an over 55 development !) so life is very difficult ! There is one lady here who is desperate to get into a care home but cannot...on the other hand, there is a very dependant man living here who came BACK from the care home saying he hated it ...he falls regularly, involving the ambulance, 111, paramedics, etc ! His son is a GP and has urged him to go into a care home as he cannot cope alone ...but he refuses absolutely ! He is very vulnerable but determinedly independent what can you do ! He had the ambulance out in the middle of the night the other day after a fall ...they were there until 3.00am but since he refuses to go to hospital they had to leave him there. He has carers three times a day and has the neighbours up all the time ...very hard ! On the other hand, there is one lady who has lived here for 25 years and is now 97 ...she still does her own shopping, walks along the prom and sits and looks at the sea ….I offer to help get the shopping for her but she says it is the only time she gets out bless her ! I live on my own too, but now exercise is allowed more than once a day I am out ...who knew visiting a different supermarket every day could be so exciting ! (hand gel, gloves, masks ….actually all sent from Germany to me by my German friends !) and 2 metre distance …..fingers crossed I can visit the caravan I bought to escape the care home (sorry, retirement independent living apartment !!!!!!!!) stay safe

Shazmo24 Thu 21-May-20 13:22:24

I do worry about people who are on their own and thank goodness you have a puss cat as they can really helo with our mental health.
I am assuming that even though you live on a ground floor you have no direct access from your flat to the outside where you could put a fold up chair out during the day and bring in at night. All the plans you made feel as though they are in tatters but they aren't really - they've just been postponed.
Get a face covering - a mask or even a scarf & go out for a little it early in the morning or later in the day (its light now to about 9.00pm). Just a change of scenery will lift your spirits - it does mine. If you need to talk to someone Silverline is still operating. Please know you aren't alone xxx

Alioop Thu 21-May-20 14:04:43

Anne I had a low day y'day, couldn't be bothered with anything. My friend phoned & could tell by my voice I was fed up. Today I went for a walk & just baked a chocolate cake. Leaving some, for a friend, on my doorstep( so I don't eat it all). Feel better today cos I've kept myself occupied. Look at art on the internet, have a go. I've also been enjoying The Chelsea Flower Show programmes that have been on this week. All the beautiful, colourful flowers makes me smile. Hope you have better days ahead.

flaxwoven Thu 21-May-20 14:27:46

I stopped using Facebook because it's so unreal. Everyone is having a happy party and of course their lives are not like that at all. It's all false. I go for a walk every day and it's good just to see real people instead of on TV or the computer. I feel like I'm still part of the human race. I'm sure walking in the fresh air is fine as long as we keep our distance. There's a chap on Utube called Richard Vobes and he goes on walks all over the country. He gives a running commentary and it feels as if you're walking along country lanes with him.