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Today I just want to scream.....

(57 Posts)
Anne107 Wed 20-May-20 10:22:45

Hi all, I think we all got our really low moments- some days are good and other days not so good. For the last couple of days I have felt really low. I was widowed in 2008 and live alone in a one bedroom ground floor apartment but with no garden- although if I look out of my windows I do have a bit of greenery with trees ? and enjoy hearing the birds outside and watching little squirrels having a great time running around playing. I have my buddy Shadow, my cat, to keep me company. My son and grandchildren phone often and we have a little FaceTime together. I also have heart disease and borderline diabetes which has caused me some fear in venturing out even for a little walk! And yes I keep telling myself there are hundreds worse off than myself. But some days I just feel plain low! I believe when I go on Facebook and all these people with their gardens and children playing in garden or sitting in sun with a nice glass of wine with their partners or relaxing in a jacuzzi watching their beautiful flowers blossoming just makes me feel worse. Yes, I know I sound resentful but I am sure I would be better if I just had a garden or even a balcony! I truly do not begrudge anyone who has a home with garden - I just wish I was in that position. I retired in January of this year and had plans to do voluntary work with animals (I love animals) and was also hoping to attend art classes, even looking into dog walking. That has all now been put on hold because of this damn virus. And as I have already stated above I keep telling myself over and over there are hundreds of people worse off than me - most days it works for me and I able to count my blessings but other days I just want to scream!

Esspee Wed 20-May-20 10:28:31

Please try to get out Anne. There is little chance of infection when you combine distancing with being out of doors. It lifts your spirit to feel the sun on your face and seeing nature in all it’s glory.
I do feel for those with no outdoor space. Closing off the parks was a huge mistake IMHO.

BlueSky Wed 20-May-20 10:36:16

Agree with Esspee Anne try and go out for a walk in a quiet area, it keeps me sane!

annep1 Wed 20-May-20 10:54:28

If I didn't get out for a walk I would go insane. And I'm tired of being told I shouldn't complain. No matter what others are going through we are all individuals with different abilities to cope. Right now I am struggling to get out of bed. My husband asks what I would like for dinner. I don't care. It's just sustenance to keep me alive. I'll feel better tomorrow. ....
I hope you do too Anne107 flowers

Septimia Wed 20-May-20 11:29:36

It's horrible at the moment for anyone who doesn't have an outside area of their own to use - it would certainly get me down. We're fortunate in having a garden but, despite living in a rural area, we don't go out walking much. This is partly because the place is full of townies with their dogs and germs coming out and parking to walk and cycle.

If you can, Anne, try to get out for a short walk sometimes. Our DS and DiL go early in the morning to avoid people, but there are other quiet times such as just before it gets dark. You might feel a bit safer if it's quieter and it will give you a boost, I hope.

Oopsadaisy3 Wed 20-May-20 12:37:27

Anne please try the art lessons on the Internet, my GD is following the Bob Ross art classes on FB, he was on Tv many years ago, lots of pine trees from what I can remember.
You can get all the items you need online, also jigsaws, free online books to read from amazon.
GS is going out each day and taking a photo and keeping a visual ‘diary’
I know it’s no substitute but if you can try to get out as well and take a walk it really will lift your spirits

BlueBelle Wed 20-May-20 13:03:14

Take a little walk Anne Put a mask on if you feel safer and keep away from everyone I cross the road if I see anyone coming which feels horrible but I do smile at them or say hi
I do have a garden and I do go for walks so in a much much better position than you but I just wanted to say to you I totally understand and have a lot of the same feelings as you
I think being on your own, like we are, makes it so much worse unless of course you are stuck in with someone who is cruel, indifferent, moody or angry and then we are way better off
For me, it’s missing my voluntary work the chat with customers and staff the feeling of being useful still having a role in the world having people look on me as useful still
the worry about my grandkids future if we go into recession
I m not depressed but I have lost motivation, this doesn’t mean I m doing nothing I m trying to keep finding things to do, but I have no umph and can’t see the end of it all I think we d all manage if we knew it had an end date
Keep your chin up Anne you’re not alone

farview Wed 20-May-20 13:13:00 there any possibility of you having a couple of large plant pots near your door..something for you to tend..and add some colour outside...maybe bee friendly plants in them...just ,also,always let off steam on here whenever you need to ??

Daisymae Wed 20-May-20 13:18:38

Definitely check out YouTube for art lessons. Lots of good ideas. Try to get out to exercise as much as possible. Most people here are excellent at social distancing. Maybe trying growing herbs, rocket etc on a window sill? It's ok to feel down, no matter what your circumstances at the moment, but it's important to try to do something to improve your lot. Hope you feel better soon

annep1 Wed 20-May-20 13:21:04

I think being on your own, like we are, makes it so much worse unless of course you are stuck in with someone who is cruel, indifferent, moody or angry and then we are way better off

Very true Bluebelle.

MayBee70 Wed 20-May-20 15:01:36

Another Bob Ross fan here. Not because I want to paint but because I find his programmes so relaxing. On BBC 4 very late but also on catchup and u tube. If anyone is feeling a bit low I’d recommend watching him. I’d go as far as to say I’m slightly addicted to the programmes.

Nannee49 Wed 20-May-20 15:30:41

I too am a Bob Ross fansmilehis voice is sooo relaxing. As other's have said Anne 107 please try to get out possibly wearing a mask as BlueBelle suggested. I'm a widow living alone in a ground floor flat too with DD & DGD about 40 mins away.

It IS hard to not feel a pang at the thought of my garden where I used to live or seeing my friends' posts on WhatsApp about being with their husbands and children/grandchildren dropping by so please try to not beat yourself up or feel bad about the negative emotions swirling round you on the bad's not unreasonable. Hopefully, they do pass and if you can get out for exercise, even for just 10 mins, it helps to get the endorphins going and lifts your mood. thanks

AGAA4 Wed 20-May-20 15:57:54

I too live in a flat and no garden. It can be frustrating in this nice weather.
I go out every day for a walk. It really does help, Anne

LadyBella Wed 20-May-20 16:05:40

Sending you good wishes, Anne. I am lucky in having a husband for company and a pretty garden. But I have to go out for walks every day otherwise I'd go mad. I miss my children and grandson so much and often feel like crying. I am becoming lethargic, bored and can't summon up the will to do much at all. As someone else said, you are fairly safe outside so try to form a routine of going out every day. Wear a mask if you feel more secure. Please PM me if you want a chat at any time.

Dottydots Wed 20-May-20 16:17:43

I know how you feel Anne. I have to force myself to go for a walk each morning to the local park but I do feel better for it.
However, today I thought I would walk to the local shops as I hadn't been there for a good eight weeks. As I drew near the shops and saw people, I had to fight back a few tears of panic. I know it sounds silly but it's after being so long with no company.

MayBee70 Wed 20-May-20 18:34:29

Nannee; I've only once got to the end of a programme without falling asleep [and they're only 30 minutes long]. I do think that by season two [now running on BBC4] he might have hit the wacky backy because his colours are getting quite psychedelic and his language is getting quite groovy. Joking aside, though, I really do think it helps ones frame of mind; in fact it was proven to be the case. Anne107; I do understand what you mean about venturing outside. I do go into the garden but haven't been for a walk in weeks and I question if I'll ever be able to get on a bus or a train or go to the cinema again. If people just adhered to the 6 ft rule and wore masks I'd feel much happier. Although I do feel that we now know more about the virus and how we can avoid catching it I'm still not confident enough to venture forth.

MayBee70 Wed 20-May-20 18:36:40

Anne; are you on any cat lovers facebook pages? I'm on a lot of dog and horse pages and seeing puppies and all the foals that are being born really cheers me up.

vampirequeen Wed 20-May-20 18:57:04

Please go out for a walk. As long as you social distance you'll be fine. Are you a morning person? DH and I are usually out by 7am -7.30am. There are fewer people out at that time of day around here. I don't know if you're in town or country but pick a time when less people are on the move.

farview Wed 20-May-20 20:53:42

Yes being stuck with someone like you describe is horrendous....cant run away,stay with a friend....teeth gritted...painted side...lots of time to make plans..

Luckygirl Wed 20-May-20 22:34:11

I absolutely agree that you need to go out and walk - if you feel safer with a mask or a silk scarf round nose and mouth, then do that. You also need the sunshine for a bit of vitamin D.

My DD lives in a top 2 bed flat with 3 children and would have gone bonkers by now if she had not been out walking every day.

Do take the plunge and pop out - just for a very short walk to start with. I am so glad you can see squirrels - I wish I could!

Nanna58 Thu 21-May-20 08:58:15

Please go for a walk Anne, it would be good for your heart disease as well as your emotional health. Could you order some herbs or plants online to grow in pots? Follow Grayson Perry’s art class online? But, and this is a big but, do you think you may be suffering from a bout of depression? Because, if you are, and believe me I know as I have been many times, even making little improvements seems monumental. If you think this may be the case a chat with your GP could help.

wendyann23 Thu 21-May-20 09:08:28

I go for a walk every day and that keeps me sane. Like you I am a widow, live alone with family and grandchildren many miles away. Luckily, I have a small garden to sit and read in.
I feel life will continue to be just existing rather than living until social distancing ends and I can see no end in sight.
But please do try and just get out every day and I am sure you will feel better. It is nice just to be able to say good morning to someone!

4allweknow Thu 21-May-20 09:18:05

As already mentioned, art classes on line. I have a friend who is similar in circumstances to you and she joined up and loves it. Also go outdoors and you can do this several tines a day now. Doesn't have to be for long each time but if you schedule a couple a day you will gave something to look forward to. It is safe outdoors if you keep your distance. Go see where the squirrels are having fun!

Grannygrumps1 Thu 21-May-20 09:18:32

I know exactly where you are coming from as I’m a similar situation. I had surgery in July last year and had handed in my notice to retire on the same day I told my boss about the surgery. I actually retired at the end of October but only worked a few days before I finally gave up because despite working for the nhs they didn’t want me back unless I did my full duties which I couldn’t do. May I also add I was retiring just under 3 years early.
The depression hit just after Christmas which surprised me as I had been at home really since mid July.
My kids all live local. But I hardly ever see them. My daughter was pregnant with my first grandchild.
So now the virus has stopped me doing all the things I had planned. One because I was ill, probably with the virus when baby was born. I can’t see baby and kids are all twice as busy working from home. The only silver lining is that I have outside space. I try and plan each day and make a mental list.
Who will I phone. What shopping needs to go on the list.
What cupboard needs to be cleared. I make a rule that the tv does not go on before 2:00pm unless it’s for a special reason.
I wish I could support you more and sorry I’ve gone on. I’ve come out the other side and you will to.

Dorsetcupcake61 Thu 21-May-20 09:35:55

Hi Ann,lots of good advice here. I think however much we try to plan/ entertain ourselves/ count our blessings everyone experiences the odd day when it just seems hard to be positive,to put it mildly. I experienced a day like it earlier this week when circumstances that I would normally cope with flawed me. The kindness of Gransnetters turned the day around! Hopefully tomorrows a better day. You are not alone,well yes like me you are with a cat for company,but there are millions of people experiencing the same feelings. There are lots of places to reach out for help,so please do.???