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Is it just me?

(119 Posts)
MawB Sun 31-May-20 10:30:55

Lockdown had many advantages despite what it looked like at first, because at least I felt that although on my own I was “not alone” if you see what I mean. We were all in it together.
Nobody could do anything, go anywhere or have visitors. FaceTime, Zoom and the phone plus TV were the most any of us could aspire to.
But now I am seeing pictures of people on beaches, reading of opened garden centres, people popping in to friends, people driving half way across the country to visit family, picnics in the park and visits to second homes.
And I am beginning to feel lonely again!
I dont want to drive long distances alone even if technically I am legally permitted to,( I thought that the 6 people in the garden was as of tomorrow anyway), I understand the roads are much busier again and on my brief foray to the post office 3 miles away the other week, I saw some lunatic driving which made me wonder about some people’s eyesight!

No, what I am feeling is that “easing” lockdown is creating much more of a “them and us” situation. Those prepared to take risks and those who think nothing has changed in 10 weeks, except that with 8,000 new cases every day perhaps the danger is even greater!
And being on my own is brought home to me even more.

25Avalon Sun 31-May-20 10:35:50

You are not alone MawB. A lot of us think the same as you and won’t be venturing out until we feel sure it is safe to do so. Lots of people now flocking to beaches etc without observing social distancing which is getting impossible to police which I reckon has been a consideration in relaxing lockdown.

Squiffy Sun 31-May-20 10:36:58

I know what you mean Maw. Despite the horror of it all, there was an element of peace, a general slowdown and less of a feeling of missing out because most of us were/are missing out!

OceanMama Sun 31-May-20 10:42:57

I know what you mean. I won't be venturing out to crowded places and will still exercise caution and use hand sanitizer when out and about. It's still out there. There will be a divide between those who are more relaxed and those who are more cautious. I will be very selective where I go and what I do.

Charleygirl5 Sun 31-May-20 10:47:43

I have no intention of following the Government's guidelines because my personal feeling is that it is too soon so I will be s
staying indoors and admiring the weeds in my garden. I can see this continuing until October.

My neighbours have had friends visiting whenever and BBQs in the garden. Our gardens are small so even if they had heard of social distancing it would not be possible for 10-12 adults in a small space. They can do what they want- just leave me out of it.

EllanVannin Sun 31-May-20 10:49:15

I'm happier being a hermit right now as people are still dying.

A fit/healthy man who went to watch the Liverpool match on March 11th---is dead. Two weeks after the match, against Madrid, he took ill, was put on a ventilator for a short time, deteriorated and died. He was 70. 3,000 Madrid fans had travelled to that match which was allowed to go on ! An enquiry is being set up.

This was a man who went to the gym twice a week.

It scares the life out of me, I don't know about anyone else and there's no way that I'll be going very far at all----no supermarket shopping, no public transport. Nowhere were there are throngs of people, because nobody is as particular about themselves as we are on here !

Parky Sun 31-May-20 11:02:33

It is really a case of doing what you feel comfortable with. If that involves staying at home then crack on. People make their own risk assessments and it is not for me to get annoyed about, it is their health not mine.

There is a 0.03% chance of dying worldwide if you do happen to catch covid 19. I'm prepared to go out to shop and exercise but will avoid large crowds. My choice.

GagaJo Sun 31-May-20 11:11:54

I'd just started going out again MawB, but have gone back into lockdown.

I think it is OK and safe to be out if everyone social distances (MORE than 2 metres is necessary in my opinion) but many people don't.

I was on a fairly empty beach with my grandson earlier this week and a woman walking her dog came unnecessarily close to me. No need because she had the WHOLE beach to walk around us but didn't. I had to drag my grandson into the sea to move away from her, at which point she looked concerned for him (he's little)!

It isn't hard. Don't get near others. But not everyone sees it as real, which is their choice. But they don't have the right to impose their beliefs on us. Hence why I'm staying in, other than my exercise at 8pm at night when no one is around.

Squiffy Sun 31-May-20 11:16:19

Just to add to my post upthread - I think lockdown seemed to add a sense of legitimacy to being on your own and/or not going out.

MawB Sun 31-May-20 11:18:25

Thank you for reassurance. I feel perfectly safe in my village and can take my own health precautions (washing my hands etc has not gone away)
So I’m not too worried about my own health aspect - but instead of that feeling of solidarity, of keeping up morale , it’s the companionship which is what is lost - splintered and it’s back to every one for themselves.

MawB Sun 31-May-20 11:19:01

You’ve got it Squiffy - thank you smile

Parky Sun 31-May-20 11:21:37

I agree with you squiffy, feel justified it not wanting to go out and socialise, allowed to be a loner!

EllanVannin Sun 31-May-20 11:21:40

This is a bad virus---think how many died in 1918, millions worldwide. I think we've done pretty well to avoid these millions of deaths by sticking to the rules which was/is the only way---isolation.

Just a thousand pities there isn't a cure !

maddyone Sun 31-May-20 11:38:34

We’re still staying in, or in the garden. I’ve taken a few walks and my husband walks every day. I don’t think much will change for us for now, our children will continue to visit weekly I think, but instead of standing outside the front garden, they will come into the garden, where we can still easily socially distance. Tomorrow I’m going to see my mother. She can come down to the garden at her sheltered apartment. We don’t need to access the building in order to sit in her garden, although my husband has been delivering her groceries to her at her apartment all through lockdown. He left them at her front door.

Puzzler61 Sun 31-May-20 11:51:29

Hello MawB, I’m not sure if you’re shielding or not?
I want to suggest if you have a garden, or someone who you’d love to see face to face has a garden, and you arrange to meet. You provide your drink(s), cake, biscuits/ picnic and they provide theirs. Sit the required distance apart and chat. And see how it feels.

It might enable you to see the possibilities of moving forward in this new world of ours.

I did it with DD and although it was awful not to be able to invite her into my home- that was once her home - and be hostess with drinks and nibbles, it soothed an ache inside to be with her.
However my sister did similar with her DD, and got so upset that they could not hug, she found it too stressful and prefers to Zoomcall and ‘phone her.

Until you try it you won’t know how you feel about it. The fear may be worse than the actuality.

Puzzler61 Sun 31-May-20 12:04:07

MawB I’ve not posted to be provocative - just out of concern you’ve expressed feeling lonely. 💖

Ellianne Sun 31-May-20 12:14:50

I think you hit the nail on the head Squiffy. We are all very good at commisertaing when the chips are down for everyone, but we are not very good when we see others picking up their previous ways and we are left behind once again.

MawB Sun 31-May-20 12:19:24

Thank you Puzzler , no, not shielding, a healthy 72 if not particularly fit by sone people’s standards - I find walking more than short distances quite painful so not really the pleasure it is for some.
I have been on my own for the last 2 1/2 years and had sorted out a reasonable life including visits to galleries in London, streamed plays, operas etc at a small local Filmhouse and lectures on art history and literature . I belong to a book group but am not naturally gregarious, however have learned that if I don’t make the effort to go out the world will not beat a path to my door!
So much of what gave a shape to my life has disappeared with the lockdown. I have occasionally enjoyed a “two metre coffee” with a neighbour in her or my garden and did organise Easter Sunday pre lunch drinks for 4 neighbours on our front drives, bringing our own chairs, glasses and drinks. But nobody else has done anything similar so I feel perhaps they don’t want to. It’s harder to suggest things on your own I find, perhaps fear of rejection or of appearing needy?
I don’t know if that explains why lockdown made my life easier?
Anyway better stop feeling sorry for myself, I should be pleased for others that now that they can see their GC , they can.

MawB Sun 31-May-20 12:21:21

Not sure what happened to my last sentence! I expect you saw what I meant though.

Marydoll Sun 31-May-20 12:31:59

I too know what you mean, Maw. Seeing everyone starting to get on with life, only serves to reinforce that I still won't be able to socialise anytime soon. It does get quite lonely at times and I'm a social animal.

However, I have enjoyed the fact that I'm no longer obligated to say Yes to every request for help by family and friends and that I have a legitimate excuse to say No!

Does that sound very selfish? For the first time in years, I can think of my own wellbeing, without feeling guilty. I am enjoying this much slower pace of life,so much.

maddyone Sun 31-May-20 12:39:25

Maw flowers
Of course you’re lonely. You lost Paw and managed really well with making a new life for yourself pre lockdown, and now it’s probably difficult to see much future, because the life you had, films, galleries, theatre visits is no more, and we don’t know when they’ll return. Even when they do, will any of us older people feel comfortable going to them? It’s easier for those of us who have partners, and whose children live reasonably nearby. We still have visits, albeit over the garden wall.
Could you arrange to meet a friend or neighbour in their garden? Or a park? Just to have a chat and then a coffee. Or visit your family because you can drive now? With this lovely weather we can at least meet family in the garden.

dragonfly46 Sun 31-May-20 12:41:51

You have voiced exactly what I am feeling Maw.

I will not, nor should be going out for the foreseeable future. I cannot see my children or grandchildren even if it is allowed as they live some distance from me and are also being careful about going out.

I will not be having 6 friends or family in to spend time in the garden as I am shielding but would not anyway as I think it is too soon.

I was feeling down about all this but like you have pulled up my big girl's knickers and will just get on with it. It can't go on for ever can it ?????

Oldbutstilluseful Sun 31-May-20 13:07:37

I think I know what you mean Maw. I’ve lived alone for over 25 years. When life was ‘normal’ I would go out to various groups, walk with friends, see family occasionally. However I did spend a lot of time on my own and because of this I always preferred the Autumn and Winter when it’s not so obvious that I’m not out there having fun. This glorious Spring has been such a bonus as there hasn’t been family or friend groups out and about, highlighting my solitary state.

I’m content with my life, it was my decision to end my marriage and stay single so have no regrets, I’m just feeling happy that for a few short weeks I didn’t feel the odd one out.

I am delighted though that there is some lifting of restrictions. I’m not such a grump that I begrudge people getting back their lives, even in a limited way.

ladymuck Sun 31-May-20 13:16:53

I shall continue with the precautions for as long as I think it's necessary. In fact, I have always washed my hands as soon as I came in, and wiped down my shopping. To me, it seems the sensible thing to do anyway.
Many people are not clean in their personal habits and touching door handles etc. is an obvious way to pick up germs and viruses.

Cabbie21 Sun 31-May-20 13:53:34

I agree that we each need to assess the risk to ourselves and be sensible. The country is not going to be a safer place just because restrictions are about to be lifted, quite the contrary. Judging by the horrific scenes on Dorset beaches, and elsewhere no doubt, many people are not at all capable of being sensible and are putting themselves and others at risk, especially the emergency services.