breaking the rules, or not

Thank you for being the voice of sense and reason Calli . I hadn’t digested the whole post/thread properly .

I'm worrying about DGD going back to school by public transport, gilly. I'd rather risk taking her myself, wearing masks and taking precautions.

Agree with Calli and others here. The problem is not so much whether you are breaking the rules or not Pinkhousegirl but that a 2 week old baby should not be separated from his/her mother. Lots of practical suggestions on how to help from other posters.

Callistemon I don't need to read or pull apart anyone's comments so I'm not judging anyone's views are u?Only needed to read the first comment. OP has to make her own mind up. Just seen lots of times when these threads can descend into tit for tat and one OP got quite upset.

Just to point out OP does say I have offered to have baby here, with or without my daughter, simply to give her a break ( my bold) I don't think OP wants to separate the baby from its mum. Every situation is unique, so I'd say go with what feels right to you and your daughter and her partner. It may be that encouraging her to sleep during the daytime during your visits will be enough. Good luck and I hope the baby settles soon, colic can be a real nightmare, not confined to bottle fed babies but breastfed babies too as I know from experience.

You must do what you feel is best for your family Pinkhousegirl.
My advise would be to take the baby to your flat and let your daughter have some much needed rest.
I did this for my sister when she was recovering from a section, it gave her some time to heal and rest and the baby was absolutely fine with me looking after her.

Are you in the UK? If so, since the Dominic Cummings thing, it has been pointed out by our leaders that rules may be ignored if there is a childcare issue. So feel free

This can't be in the UK as you should certainly not being going to help out indoors and can't see how you could staying outside. There are medications for severe colic. Your daughter needs to contact a health official. How does your daughter know it is colic? At two weeks old babies do cry a lot and do need feeding a lot. My lst child had severe colic, I lived in a small flat, my husband worked shifts, no paternity leave in those days,but I would never have off loaded her to someone else. I lived through it, takes about 3 months for colic to settle. Take it the baby isn't breastfed.

Already ‘breaking the rules’ if you’ve been into their home to help. But I think anyway, you need to leave them to sort things out. She has a partner, and so it isn’t for you to get that involved. Perhaps, help by shopping for them and leaving it on the doorstep or just handing it to them and speak to her regularly but the baby is only two weeks old, they all need time together as a family to bond and it can be tricky at first. Keep a distance....for lots of reasons!

I'm sure you and your daughter have tried most things for this colicky baby but it may help to get the midwife or health visitor to show you the tummy massage strokes to help soothe a colicky baby.

If they cannot do this then there are videos on YouTube which may help.

4allweknow my DC only got better after changing from breast to bottle feeding- it was like a miracle! The problem, as it turned out many years later, was gluten.

If no one in the family. or who is dependent on meeting anyone in the family, is obese, over 70 or diabetic, then I think stress and sleep deprivation looking after a troubled baby is an emergency more immediate than Covid. Dreadful things can happen to babies when the parents' coping mechanisms become overstretched. But it fits the guidelines better to actually have someone move house to be with support rather than visiting backwards and forwards at random.

Are you sure Mum isn't using the lockdown as a reason not to hand over her very new baby? A lot of mothers find this time hard as baby has to learn a totally different way of living than it is used to and being with Mum is crucial. Pushing to step in now may be a bad move for your relationship with your daughter in the long run too. I would advocate encouraging her to talk to her Health Visitor who will be listening for any signs of depression. They can give strategies for helping the baby with colic which would be suitable for such a young baby. Be encouraging to your daughter about how she is doing nothing wrong and how common this is but she will get through it. If your daughter is absolutely tired out, perhaps you could help her get some sleep during the day so she isn't so tired at night. Taking the baby for a walk in the pram might be all that is needed.

A lot of good advice on here already.

A chiropractor can help babies with colic - try and find one that does.

Don't take the child out of her home, be there during the day, so your daughter can sleep when the baby is asleep knowing you are standing by.

Encourage your daughter to contact her community midwife for advice - even if she cannot physically visit, she should be able to give advice over the phone or by Skype etc.
With some babies, it takes a while for them to settle into some kind of routine.
If your daughter is bottle feeding, there are alternative teats that can be used - it's very much trial and error I'm afraid as to which one is best.
There is also many ways for the baby to be winded - the midwife can suggest different ones to try.
Your job is to help mum by helping out with housework/ laundry etc, encourage the parents to catch up on sleep during the day(who else remembers that twilight zone feeling for the first few weeks?) and take bub out in the pram and also encourage your DD to go out for a walk - either on her own or with her OH or with the baby.

Your daughter might find the information here useful.
www.cry-sis.org.uk

I didn't know what hit me when my 2nd daughter arrived - she cried non-stop, when she could talk told me "I've got a headache and a tummy ache and I don't feel well! I managed to get her to a homeopathic doctor when she was three. We discovered she was allergic to eggs. I was shown how to desensitise her and she was a different child!!
DH refused to help because he had to work
Early days for a two week old, though.

The risk, if any, is already there if OP is going to the flat daily to help out so, I don’t think that if she were to stay overnight, it would be more dangerous.

As has been said, I am pretty sure this would be seen as exceptional circumstances and acceptable, as long as OP goes nowhere else except her own home or baby’s home.

First of all get something for the baby's colic as my son had this condition after birth and I had hardly any sleep. I took him to the doctors. Was given drops or bottle of liquid to put few drops in baby's mouth. I think it's called Gripe Water. I ended up myself with post natal depression as was breast feeding for weeks and lack of sleep and in the end my husband had to call a health worker who came to the house which I think was booked through the gp/doctor.

Pinkhouse girl. You sound a very sensible and level headed person. Do what you think is right for your daughter. My understanding is that these are guidelines not rules.

Pinkhousegirl, when you say you have been going every day to see her, do you mean you visit her in the flat to help out? If so, I think you are already breaking the rules, so staying overnight wouldn't make any difference as far as a fine goes. There is a lot of sensible advice on this thread already, but I would say that if nights are the main problem, then that is where your help should be focussed. Maybe staying over for a couple of nights (our next door neighbour had her mother staying for a week just before she had her baby a couple of weeks ago) so that they can both catch up their sleep. Sleep deprivation is the worst thing when you have a young baby to care for and just makes everything so foggy! I can remember it well, crying on the landing at 3 o'clock in the morning and asking my husband "Perhaps my Mum could take the baby for a few days?" Of course, she didn't and I'm glad that she didn't. We found that with our first, who had dreadful colic almost from the start, that changing the type of bottle helped enormously. We got those ones with the collapsible, disposable plastic bags in to rule out any excess air being sucked in - I don't know if they still make them? It was a long time ago! Just to say I completely understand that you are anxious for your D and GC but I would also enlist the help of the GP or Health Visitor if you are seriously worried.

Mother the new mother so she can concentrate on mothering her new baby.

If your daughter is breastfeeding try to get someone to check the latch.

In some communities new mums don't do anything other than look after the baby for the first six weeks. Perhaps your daughter could take to her bed for a while with baby, nappy stuff, cushions, magazines, snacks and drinks.

Mummy could also try taking dairy out of her diet for a while to see if that has an effect.

It's a very difficult time for you all. Sending best wishes.

Your D should be getting help with her 2 week old baby from either midwife /health visitor. As hard as it may be for you on no account should you be visiting while your grand child is so young and vulnerable .

Just looked on the Internet. Playtex do the collapsible bottle liners with special bottles. They are not cheap but if you look on Amazon you can get them cheaper.

If you had posted on here before you started popping over to your daughters everyday you would have been told firmly you couldn't go at all. I just hope you are not travelling on public transport. All new babies cry at night and you certainly should not part a new baby from its mother. As you are going anyway send your daughter off for an afternoon rest.