Childminding

I'm so grateful to everyone for all this clear and as far as I can see unanimous support. I feel we've made the right decision in saying "not now, but under review".
We had a socially distanced lunch in the garden for his lordship's first birthday and it was extremely hard not to scoop him up and give him a squeeze!

Looking after granddaughter in early September when mum goes back to work and hopefully big brother can go back to school by then if things have not changed got in as their nanny

I am a childminder but because of my age( nearly 65), my asthma and my adult son ,living with me, who has health problems, I've decided not to go back to childminding and take early retirement, although I can't have my state pension for another 14 months. But now my daughter is putting pressure on me to have her children stay over, as I used to before covid, while she works nights at a care home. I'm worried about this and not sure this is allowed yet anyway as she has a husband, who is the father of one of the three children, so she's not a single parent. She's convinced it's safe but I'm not, nor is my son

You don't feel comfortable about taking on this commitment at the moment so just be honest and say Much as I love you, I am not comfortable risking your father's health or my own at the moment and I need to look for a job myself as soon as it is practical for me to leave the house. Committing to child-minding for a day a week will severely limit the sort of job I can take.

I dont understand why you have to agree to rent this house without seeing it. If its near your daughter can she have a look?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janipans having a spleen removed puts you at high risk. It's not something you 'recover from. Spleens produce extra white blood cells to fight infection. I had mine removed and am fit as a flea. Doctor said you are still high risk.

Over the last few months, so very much has changed, both in our own worlds and in the wider world, in ways that most of us simply could not have predicted. Perhaps, sarahcyn, if you feel unable to to take on the child-minder role, you can explain that the "promise" you made, was done so at a different "time" and in different circumstances. And that now you can't do this, because of the real risk to your DH.

Think about the commitment involved even in only one day of childcare especially if you are looking for work. If and when another child comes along it will be assumed you will continue, and once onboard it could go on for the next 8 years. Take it from one who knows. I love mine but wish I had offered care on an ad hoc basis.
In the meantime be careful for your husband’s sake.

Namsnanny makes a good suggestion. Let them find a childminder for now, but say you will review it in future. Is it possible for you to pay for the childcare for them? We’re paying for our daughter’s nursery care for her two year old as we are unable to care for him now, and didn’t want her to be out of pocket. We can afford to, but I realise that not everyone can.

I am convinced that I had COVID 19 in February. I wasn’t tested because I hadn’t been overseas. I ended up having three stays in hospital and was left with heart failure almost certainly as a direct consequence. I am much better now after medical procedures and medication which I will probably have to take for the rest of my life. I am 54. Do not risk your husband’s health

You don’t need any official letters to decide if you need to protect yourself and husband. If it feels risky, don’t do it. It isn’t worth the worry. Promises made pre pandemic have no worth now. What’s happening at the present is relevant. The virus is still here. With lockdown easing, the chances of it increasing again are high. With both parents working in risky areas, the risk to you is high. I’m just starting to recover after 3 weeks. This illness is no fun at all and definitely to be avoided at all costs. You can review the situation in the future. It’s not your responsibility, fault or problem. Your loyalty should be to your husband first. Two working adults can sort out the issues without you in these unprecedented circumstances.

Surely, most adult children won't be asking (or expecting) elderly parents to childmind? My children wouldn't put me at risk.

I thought that grandparents were not allowed to childmind at this time. I am desperate to go back to looking after my granddaughter two days a week again and to allow my daughter to return to work fully as she struggling to work from home on those days. My granddaughter does go to nursery the other days but my daughter can't afford it full time and my husband and I miss her so much. Can we legally resume looking after her?

Whilst Childminders (peoples whose job it is) are allowed to go back to work, I havn't seen anything that says grandparents can start looking after grandchildren. I think it's because of the age difference, childminders tend to be under 60 - grandparents tend to be over 60. The risk of covid due to age, is very different. I wouldn't do it at this stage, but offer to review as restrictions further relax.

I agree that you shouldn’t do it. Remember your promise was made before the world was turned upside down in a way that none of us could predict.

Have you actually been told that you need to "shield" (ie hospital letter)? If your husband has recovered fully, is he genuinely at risk? Or are you using it as an excuse to not do something which you don't sound keen on? I love looking after my grandchildren for my 1 day a week, (though ny OH is shielding so unable to do it until we get the ok from the hospital) but it's sometimes hard work as well - especially as we get older - and is not for everyone! if that is the case it would be better to be honest with your daughter. You could always offer to contribute financially towards childcare if it is needed and if you are able .

I think, as others do, that at the moment you should not do it, as you will potentially be putting your husband at risk. Stress that once things improve, you will be in a position to carry out your offer for caring for the baby one day a week, but not just yet.

Don’t do it. Protect your husband, your husband health should come first, I’m sure your son will understand

I love your idea of guilt scales, Natasha 76. I shall design myself some interesting virtual ones.

If it’s a finance matter could you contribute to the cost of a child minder until the situation changes and you can look after DGC

I should say that your DIL's job exposes you and therefore your husband to high risk. If you both had good grandparent health, I'd say it's your choice but your husband's bout of pneumonia would put me off. AS women we feel guilty about everything so I have a mental set of guilt scales in my head that I use. On 1 side I have how I would feel if your husband got Covid 19 & on the other side how I'd feel refusing to care for a grandchild. For me there is no contest I'd be refusing to care for a grandchild and presumably your son would want to support you in this difficult decision because he cares for his dad.

Agreed with lemsip.
Their child is not your responsibility, its theirs.
Your responsibility is towards your husband.
Do not do it.!!

do not do it! protect your husband!

In a similar situation here. I was looking after my grandson 2 days a week before all of this. My son and DIL are getting ready to go back to work and assumed that things would go back to how they were before but my hubby is in the at risk category and has been shielding for the past 3 months. He had his spleen removed years ago. So obviously I won't go back to being grandma daycare which is sad but I have to put hubbies health first and my own too. So I totally get how you feel