Dreading the winter without garden visits.

NotTooOld thanks.

Grammaretto - just popped back to say No, you are not a boring spoilsport! Or if you are, then I am as well. Totally agree with you.

Illte’s friend was a little insensitive visiting older friends, however, the friends also had a part to play and could have said no to her coming in or asked her to remain in the garden. We all have individual responsibility for our own health/levels of comfort.

I was shielded due to asthma and other chest complications. We also tragically lost a member of our family to Covid in April, she was a frontline healthcare worker aged only 41 and has left two young boys and a devastated husband. Do you know what though? It’s only served to reinforce the fact that life is precious, it can end suddenly and without warning and we shouldn’t waste it by sitting behind closed doors, full of fear, slowly turning inwards and prejudicing our mental and physical health. Lack of stimulus, exercise etc can all have significant detrimental long term effects as we are designed to live as social beings. As FM said today we cannot let this pandemic define our lives.

As a family we have had long conversations to establish what works for us. We are adhering to guidelines as far as possible and taking sensible precautions re distancing, sanitising etc. We may not catch the virus if we remain isolated but at what cost? Our quality of life will deteriorate if we live circumscribed by fear.....what is the point in preserving life if we then don’t live it? I owe it to my family member to live the life she tragically lost.

Illte
Your friend was both irresponsible and thoughtless to visit those older friends. She should have respected their need to continue to be extremely careful, which clearly she did not do. Very selfish of her.

Everyone posting here should read BLUECAT's post. A thoughtful intelligent and non-judgemental of other people choices. Thank you.

My life is so normal that most of the time I forget about it
I'm lucky that I don't have to shop for food. OH does that.
I've bought most stuff online for a long time so no change there.
Been seeing friends and family for a long time. I do miss a normal pub and my quiz nights.

Everybody will have a, different level of risk that they're prepared to take, just as, they did before Covid.

However, today I had a phone call from a friend. She has maintained her fairly active social life, her daughters, and their children visit once or twice weekly, she goes out with friends in their cars for lunch etc and she was telling me about the birthday party she went to - indoors, but big rooms.

That's her decision. But she then went on to tell me how she had called in on some other mutual friends. Both of them older than us, shielding, one with cancer, one recovered from cancer but with only one lung.

It isn't fair to take your risk decision to other people.

MawB2

“Dreading” ?
Why not just take a week at a time- no need for premature doom and gloom surely?

Thank you all for your comments, especially MawB2 above. A very sensible and cheering message, methinks.

Can I say that I am not happy (was going to write 'am horrified' at people talking about running outdoor heaters in their gardens, etc during bad weather, so that they can continue to see people.
Have we all forgotten about the far, far greater danger to the planet. Corona Virus by no means will wipe out human race, but global warming is very likely to do that, plus a lot of other animal life.
Surely, have visitors in a well ventilated room, sitting a few feet from each other, and do not waste valuable heating out of doors.

NotTooOld, perhaps you could set up a small heater under a garden umbrella in your garden to allow for outdoor visits during the winter.

My mother in law lives in an assisted-living building and they have now been allowed only one designated visitor in their suite, and the others must visit outdoors under a covered patio. We will have to make do with hot tea and blankets on our laps.

My DH and I are under 60, but he has had heart issues so we are careful. For us is is limiting visitors to a very few, and being extra vigilant with hand washing and sanitizing door handles etc. I think when the grand children go to school we will have to look closely at any cases in our area.

“Dreading” ?
Why not just take a week at a time- no need for premature doom and gloom surely?

I agree with you PinkRinse. I am cautious, I don't take unnecessary risks, however I have weighed up the pros and cons and decided that quality of life is more important to me than quantity. My family does not suffer (!) from longevity, and I am not going to spend what I have left avoiding my family and friends.

NannyC2 You say Plus, the more you wear masks, the more you are lowering your immune system to fight the bugs and viruses to come in winter months!

How can wearing a mask lower your immune system?

Well one things for sure, we are all going to find out sooner or later.
Surely, common sense must be the guide for everybody.

I'm with Bluebelle on this one.
Plus, the more you wear masks, the more you are lowering your immune system to fight the bugs and viruses to come in winter months!

I don't think I'm certain of what the advice actually is any more....

We seem to have different notions of the risks and the current policies.
My DSis, who lives in the south of England, thinks it's OK to come to Scotland for a holiday next month. She will even stay in an hotel to not be a bother but would like to see us too..
I should be pleased but I just can't. I am angry at her for travelling at this time. Why can't she wait until next year?
We have been at home shielding since the start with very few outings.
Also, nothing much is open to visit and it will be starting to get dark in the evenings.
Am I turning into a boring spoilsport?

At a time of my life when I have lived more years than I have left to live, I have decided not to be a recluse. I will do things I feel comfortable with and take all sensible safety precautions and hope for the best. It really is a personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer and people shouldn't be criticised for what they decide.

We are going out and about but like to think- in a sensible way.
I work and come into contact with clients but we are all masked, I take temperatures and we sanitise.

My sister is finding the very situation extremely difficult because she and her DH have very different opinions where it comes to risk. Hopefully, in their case, it doesn’t cause a deep rift.

I agree. It's one thing being alive but you need to live as well.

We last saw family back in March. They all live too far away in Dorset, Surrey, Kent and Australia. We have no friends here in Shropshire, we have seen the Asda delivery drivers and the gas man who came to sort a problem last week. I have just been to the hairdresser's for the first time all good but my husband wasn't overjoyed at me venturing forth and is not going out himself. He takes steroids and is worried about what would happen if he caught Covid, I take a BP tablet so am also cautious. We were not told to sheild but chose to do so. The longer we leave it the harder it becomes to venture forth and yes, I do think it is affecting us both. No chance of seeing anyone though as I have no friends here and my husband only sees aquaintances from a folk club occasionally and they have stopped all meetings. On we go!

Today's Guardian has a cartoon showing Boris addressing a party of 5 adults...'Our science says that for this party to be safe, you'll need to move it to a school building'.
We all know the risks. Make your choice.

Bluecat - good post. Lots of common sense.

We all have to decide what we want to do. I am of the same mind as Bluebelle above. I am living my life fairly normally but with more care. I am not going to be attending huge gatherings of people but I am going to restaurants, meeting friends, going to pubs and my family are visiting regularly. I have decided that at 70 years old, I do not want to waste any of the years I have left because of the minute chance that I could catch this.

I get slightly annoyed when those of us who choose to safeguard are referred to as if we are neurotic or lacking in courage. We have looked at the risks, assessed our situation and made our decision. So, presumably, have the people who are mixing more in the community.

The virus is still active and we don't know whether there will be a surge in cases as schools open and more people return to work. Hopefully not, but we don't know. I don't feel that it's safe enough to venture out yet.

I know that if I get the virus, it will almost certainly affect my heart condition and, judging by the damage that the virus does to the heart and other organs, I am quite likely to die. I also don't want to lose my husband, who has some risk factors as well. Leicester, where we live, has topped the charts for infection rates. I think it makes sense to be cautious. If people are more afraid in Britain than elsewhere, that's probably due to us having the highest death toll in Europe and our realisation that we are being governed by a pack of incompetent nincompoops. Hardly likely to instill confidence, is it?

As for courage... In a pandemic, playing a key role in healing the sick or providing vital services are acts of courage, because they are needed. Anything else is a personal choice. People who go out may consider themselves brave, people who stay in may consider themselves wise. None of us know if we are making the right decisions.