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Relatives and covid

(78 Posts)
Blondie49 Fri 23-Oct-20 09:42:34

Has anyone been put in a position from relative or close friend that they are following none of the rules and say you are not confident and too cautious and want to meet up with you?

MawB2 Fri 23-Oct-20 09:45:27

No. I would stick to 1) the law and 2) my principles.

Calendargirl Fri 23-Oct-20 09:45:28

Just say no.

Illte Fri 23-Oct-20 10:01:49

I don't meet with anyone that I'm not comfortable about.

Why stress myself?

Illte Fri 23-Oct-20 10:02:54

I mean, it's not like you can't have a good long chat with them.

Luckygirl Fri 23-Oct-20 10:12:15

I am in the same position with some friends who wanted to visit - they are back and forth to France and to Moseley in Birmingham which has had a high rate of infection since the beginning. I do not regard them as a safe bet for a visit.

Ellianne Fri 23-Oct-20 10:33:30

No, but the other way round. We have a friend who is too wary to meet with us despite our being ultra careful and living in a low risk area. I think she has been scared silly and it isn't good for this sort of thing to happen

Illte Fri 23-Oct-20 10:43:41

What makes her comfortable is what makes her comfortable.

She's not asking you to live her way. Why are you judging her for living the way she wants?

Ellianne Fri 23-Oct-20 10:52:07

Because Illte I can see this particular friend slipping into depression and I care a lot about her.

Illte Fri 23-Oct-20 11:07:59

Oh dear. Different from being comfortable with her decision then.

NotSpaghetti Sat 24-Oct-20 10:22:10

Yes, certainly similar. I was one of a group of over twenty and only 2 of us have been keeping properly apart.
Not saying they have been meeting as a 20+ but they have been meeting in 6s at the same place. They are mostly younger than me but also clearly have s different way of looking at things.

Just don't try to justify your choices as they will want to discuss! Say, "I feel I don't want to do xyz just yet thank you." Don't try to rationalise! Good luck.

NotSpaghetti Sat 24-Oct-20 10:24:43

Mmmn. Sorry, had missed the depression thing...
I've been WhatsApping and phoning my bereaved friend. Can you do more of that sort of thing?

EllanVannin Sat 24-Oct-20 10:26:43

Nobody in our family is bothered about not meeting as long as we all remain well that's all that matters. It's not a big deal really and not worth arguing or moaning about. It is as it is.

Hetty58 Sat 24-Oct-20 10:28:33

Back in March (a few weeks before official lockdown) it happened to me. An old friend arrived at the door, fully expecting to come in.

I told her to stop chatting and breathing through my letterbox. She laughed and said I was being silly. I stood my ground and phoned her.

She had to speak on her mobile, through the window. She thought I'd gone completely mad.

She soon changed her tune, though!

Gilly1952 Sat 24-Oct-20 10:31:52

My younger son has not spoken to me since Mother’s Day in March - all because I said I was very concerned and would rather he didn’t come to my house! I know he probably thinks I am paranoid and doesn’t understand my worries. I invited him and my granddaughter round in the summer so we could sit outside, but he chose to ignore me! The area where he lives has now moved up into Tier 2, so I wonder if he will still be going out and carrying on as “normal”?

Ellianne Sat 24-Oct-20 10:35:46

My worry, from a different perspective, is that some people might use it as a sort of excuse never to mingle with others again. The longer this goes on, the more they become accustomed to giving this reason for opting out of human contact, and that is a very slippery slope to go down.

Pompeychic Sat 24-Oct-20 10:37:04

Gilly52 that must be heartbreaking for you . I hope he realises soon

Anniezee Sat 24-Oct-20 10:37:42

Blondie49 - yes, stepdaughter who is 40 and has 3 children at school is not being very vigilant with Covid rules, going to friends for dinner, going away for the weekend with friends etc, says her Dad and I (who are in the vulnerable category) are "not living" because we have asked them not to visit.

SueSocks Sat 24-Oct-20 10:37:43

Yes, good friend wanted me to go to lunch, I said no as I wasn’t confident about going out socially due to the pandemic, she got quite angry, said her life hasn’t changed & that I couldn’t become a recluse because of it!
Also had an email from an organisation that I belong to, we haven’t been able to meet since before lockdown. They suggested a Christmas lunch, sitting at socially distanced tables in groups of 6, we could swap tables between courses! It would be a gathering of over 30. No hesitation on that suggestion - again it was No. Most other members were happy to meet. All of the group are over 60, many over 70, I cannot understand why people put themselves at risk. It does get lonely not meeting up with people, but I have come this far and am not going to back down now.

Blondie49 Sat 24-Oct-20 10:42:36

It’s not so much about her not social distancing or sharing cars, but now she has family staying nights and also she goes on holiday to their house, but says she feels comfy with it and I’m cautious. Realising as I write this down, whatever her reaction is on my saying no, that is what I will be doing. Thanks for your input, as I live on own, it’s sometimes nice to share a concern

Greciangirl Sat 24-Oct-20 10:57:28

I think most of us have some friends or family who are not entirely following the rules.

My Dd is going out and about with Dgs, visiting friends, driving hundreds of Miles to see them.

She does occasionally visit me at home, but I’m not comfortable with it.

crimpedhalo Sat 24-Oct-20 11:13:57

Again to reiterate

Cabbie21 Sat 24-Oct-20 11:23:36

Even though my family are following the rules, they have school age children, and one at college who also works at Aldi, so it is too risky to go beyond their front door.
Yes, we are becoming reclusive and it is not great, but we want to stay alive.
As for any other social gatherings, I am glad not to have been invited to any.
My next difficult decision will be my hair appointment. Legal but risky.

Tweedle24 Sat 24-Oct-20 11:31:20

Cabbie21 Just ensure that your hairdresser is following the rules. As a retired nurse, I can almost say that my hairdresser keeps her salon as clean as an operating theatre. — not risky at all

Dorsetcupcake61 Sat 24-Oct-20 11:35:49

My daughters and I have maintained social distancing. At times it felt very hard. Despite living in a lower risk area my youngest daughter works in care and a member of staff tested positive. She fortunately tested negative despite being in close contact with them. After her last visit down here my eldest daughter had covid symptoms. Fortunately negative. Both incidents made me grateful I had stayed outside and distanced when met up.
I'm lucky in that my close friends work in social/health care and are sensible.
I do belong to a Meetup group although havent been this year. As lock down eased they posted pictures of socially distanced outdoor meetups which sadly I couldn't get to. Recently they posted a picture of a meeting in a cafe and they were practically shoulder to shoulder. I know one of the group thinks the whole situation is nonsense!
All you can do is be firm,especially now the virus is more prevalent. Genuine friends will understand. Family members can be more difficult. During the summer I think my youngest daughter felt I was being to cautious. Not being a driver does make things difficult. I would have loved to go to a cafe but buses and limited toilet facilities didnt make it that appealing. I did go out with her and her fiance for a bite of lunch and trip to beach,masks on,windows down,and it was lovely.
I do have a sneaky feeling it was as much to do with her desire for things to be normal as concern for me.
All you can do is look at guidelines and state what you are doing to comply with them.
For those that are concerned about people who may be isolated a daily text etc can make all the difference.