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A difficult situation........... ..

(33 Posts)
Luckygirl Thu 05-Nov-20 14:12:47

What a conundrum.

I can see why this lady's family might want to spend time with her at her very great age, and why they are concerned at curtailed visiting for at least a month.

I am also puzzled why the home is deemed to be legally in charge of this woman - they have a legal obligation to provide good care for her while she is there, but do they have the obligation to prevent her family choosing to look after her at home? I am not entirely sure; and I worked in this field for many years.

I can understand they might involve the local authority social services if they have reason to believe that she would be poorly cared for elsewhere - she would be classed as a vulnerable adult.

The use of the police and an arrest (however brief) seems very heavy handed. A call to SSD to get someone to check the home circumstances would seem to be a better option.

B9exchange Thu 05-Nov-20 16:18:57

I think back to that video of the 101 year old just pleading over and over again 'help me, please help me' after she was shut in a home unable to see her family. I don't believe anyone that age is bothered about getting the virus, they just want contact with their families for the short time they have left.

Taking your mother home is not putting others at risk. For the few seconds it took to hug her and guide her out the risk was minimal, supposedly it takes 15 minutes of exposure to contract the disease, if we are to believe the app!

MissChateline Thu 05-Nov-20 17:57:04

If the family had POA and control of the mother’s financial affairs could they have stopped the payments to the care home so the mother would have been “evicted “. Just a thought .

M0nica Fri 06-Nov-20 07:50:02

The lack of contact and touch between thse in care and their families during lockdown has caused deep distress to those in care and led to severe mental deterioration in many.

I can well understand this lady wanting to take her mother home and care for her. Why the nursing home did not let her do so is puzzling, if she could cope for a few months.

The most damning thing that can be said of this governmnt during COVID is the utterly inhumane way it has treated the weakest in society, those in care. From its utter disregard of those in care from the start; sending COVID patients back to care homes, the lack of PPE for staff and lack of testing, sometimes lack of medical care in Wave 1, to the way it has done nothing, and continues to do nothing to find ways of allowing visits, just saying that care homes know best.

No wonder relatives, like the one in question, want to protect the mental and physical health of someone in care by taking them home, for at least a short period.

Dorsetcupcake61 Fri 06-Nov-20 09:22:45

I think this is a complex situation and represents the impossible situation many people face. Care homes vary from good to awful. As a relative I would be worried if no or limited access to a relative. Care homes have a duty of care to ALL their residents. The resident/family may be happy to take risks but what about the other residents who are not? The relatives may wish to care for the lady now but what has changed since they arranged for her to enter care? How about the lady involved? Does she even understand where home is?
It's very emotive and each case is unique. I have cared for my father who had dementia and know how concerned I was when he had respite care. I have worked in care homes and can see it from the perspective of the home. Relatives,like care homes ,vary. Some are totally involved and wonderful, others motives and relationships with residents are questionable.
We dont know the finer details of what happened here. I think the most important thing it has done is highlighted the situation and led to discussion. All the government has done is pay lip service to supporting the situation. It was a broken system pre covid. The levels of suffering for relatives and residents are intolerable but they are one of the many groups the government continues to fail.

maddyone Fri 06-Nov-20 09:31:51

I saw the report on the television news. It is a heartbreaking case, but as Dorsetcupcake says, there are a lot of points to consider. It is indeed cruel to totally deny care home residents any contact with their family for so long, but again just through television news, I’ve seen a number of care homes have put in place some very imaginative ideas so they can allow family visits. It makes me wonder why all homes have not risen to the challenge by now and developed a safe system for family visits.
Involving the police is out of order. If that was my mum, I’d be looking for a new home now.

Tweedle24 Fri 06-Nov-20 11:21:00

We still don’t know if the resident wanted to leave the care home. If not, the daughter had no right to take her.

I sympathise with both parties but, if the home has made the decision not to allow visitors inside because it is not a suitable building to make this happen safely, then so be it. It is sad but, the care staff have the health and safety of all of the residents to consider.

M0nica Fri 06-Nov-20 18:16:25

Its time the government took responsibility and showed care and compassion for those in care.

Currently they are full of empty platitudes but no action. essentially they do not think old frail people like this matter and their actions make this clear.