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Coronavirus

Pandemic changing the way we treat people’s concerns

(42 Posts)
Nanna58 Tue 12-Jan-21 13:37:06

Does anyone else feel sad that the Pandemic is making people so intolerant of others concerns on Gransnet? The times we are in are truly terrible, and the loss and suffering appalling. But an unleavened diet of these understandable worries will not help, and is not good for mental health either. So I really don’t agree with the current trend that when someone posts about a matter that means something to them ,even if it seems relatively unimportant to some who read them they are told ‘1st world problem ‘ ‘ just be thankful you aren’t ill’ or ‘ unimportant compared to what’s going on’ . Hopefully we will see an end to this pandemic, it would be a great pity if one of the many casualties should be a little tolerance and understanding of others.

Daisymae Tue 12-Jan-21 15:27:05

Totally agree. If someone posts a concern it's a real issue for them. I strongly feel that if a poster has no positive advice or observations then they should move on.

Blossoming Tue 12-Jan-21 15:30:14

This

Kim19 Tue 12-Jan-21 15:30:17

Yes with bells on.

Riverwalk Tue 12-Jan-21 15:44:14

So I really don’t agree with the current trend that when someone posts about a matter that means something to them ,even if it seems relatively unimportant to some who read them they are told ‘1st world problem ‘

Do you have an example of this use of '1st world problem'?

silverdragon Tue 12-Jan-21 15:46:04

I get your point. But it could also work the other way in that the poster could think, you know something, this isn't as great a problem as I thought.

I live with someone who has a constant 'worry list'. When something's solved, the next problem appears. I've learnt to try and get them to see a wider perspective of things. Doesn't always work but I can't afford mentally to get sucked into their list of worries.

Doubt people will agree with this, but I find it does work sometimes.

Galaxy Tue 12-Jan-21 15:50:38

I understand that too well silverdragon wink but I think a forum is slightly different as you dont have to take that worry on board in the way you do with a partner. I find it quite difficult when people say why worry about a particular problem because there are much worse things going on, I think it's possible to be concerned about more than one thing.

M0nica Tue 12-Jan-21 15:51:22

If you have just stubbed your toe on a table leg, at that moment in time that problem means more to you and causes you more grief than anything else in life - and why shouldn't it?

'First World problem' is a stupid remark made by ignorant people. At times of great tribulation, it is nearly always a small insignificant problem that is the final straw.

Some years ago I was looking after an elderly relative suffering from severe depression. I took him to the doctor and went into the surgery with him. When the doctor asked him what the problem was, he broke down and told the doctor that he couldn't open the chest freezer. The doctor spoke quietly and calmly and acknowledged what a problem this could be when you didn't feel well and then went on to inquire about his mental and physical care and did more for him in that one encounter than other doctors who saw him more frequently. I learnt a lesson that day I have never foorgotten.

No problem is

M0nica Tue 12-Jan-21 15:52:28

..... no problem is too small to matter in some context.

Redhead56 Tue 12-Jan-21 15:55:32

I think a lot of people are lonely and even more so with this current terrible situation we are in. We all probably have issues which are blown out of proportion because we feel more isolated. Gransnet is probably the only communication some may have so it's nice to be kind rather than negative.

keepingquiet Tue 12-Jan-21 15:59:55

I agree this pandemic is making people less tolerant on social media platforms. This won't necessarily be the same in real life, where I feel people are kinder and more considerate. I came to this site in a state of distress. Some people were dismissive and harsh in their response, but others were not and I appreciated their support and I stayed!
This is a site with a big membership and so you are bound to get a mix of responses.
Anxious people are hooked on the adrenaline pumping round their systems, it doesn't make them bad people but they can't help but drag others down too. Don't play the game and they will calm down.

AGAA4 Tue 12-Jan-21 16:02:42

What seems a small problem to one person can give another sleepless nights.
I think mostly people are kind on Gransnet. Those that diminish the problem may only be doing it to make the poster feel that it's nothing to worry about rather being heartless.

Marydoll Tue 12-Jan-21 16:14:50

I have to say I haven't really noticed any more intolerance than usual. In fact, I've experienced nothing but kindness in the last week, apart from one poster, to whom I soon gave short shrift!

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.
Imagine you have spent nine months shielding, trying to keep yourself safe, staying away from hospital and you find yourself lying in A&E, alone and scared, your family are not allowed to be with you, you are awaiting a bed in Coronary Care, so you look at GN on your phone to pass the time.

The first post you read is from a poster, who is worried about a lemon pip in her home made hummus.
You can feel your BP rising and a desire to tell the poster, that her post is insensitive, considering the pain and sadness some posters (including you) are experiencing in their life.

However, you stop and think. What if the pip is just the last straw for that poster and there is so much going on behind the scenes.
You decide to keep your thoughts to yourself, no matter how annoyed you are.
Sometimes it's best to just keep quiet.

midgey Tue 12-Jan-21 16:23:37

Very wise words Marydoll.

merlotgran Tue 12-Jan-21 16:27:49

Whenever I see a rather batty OP I hope it will lead to funny contributions from other gransnetters.

Laughter is the best medicine. grin

Ilovecheese Tue 12-Jan-21 16:30:11

It can be a convenient excuse to close down a discussion as well. There was a recent thread about the Labour party on which posters were asked by one poster if they had nothing else to think about and shouldn't they be be talking about covid instead.

Otherwise I agree with the posts above, I especially like the analogy about the stubbed toe.
Posts are not always worries as such, "lemonpipgate" was more of an enquiry than a worry wasn't it.

Another thing is, it is sometimes almost nice to have a small worry that takes ones mind away from the great big worry that consumes one for most of the time.

JanetG Tue 12-Jan-21 16:31:18

I agree Marydoll, but I think the stray lemon pip was a light hearted post, which we all need to read at times. A bit like switching off the news and watching Death in Paradise instead!
You have had a rough time recently from what I have read. I’m starting a third line of chemo next week for ovarian cancer, so I know how things can seem trivial compared to my situation, but I find things that make me smile are more important than ever at the moment.

MawBe Tue 12-Jan-21 16:32:53

merlotgran

Whenever I see a rather batty OP I hope it will lead to funny contributions from other gransnetters.

Laughter is the best medicine. grin

Hear, hear Merlotgran 🥳🥳

grannyactivist Tue 12-Jan-21 16:35:58

I am currently spending a second day in bed because I’m struggling with a (definitely) non-COVID cough and am sleep deprived. At the same time I’m keeping a homelessness charity running, supporting a suicidal relative and several mentally ill clients, have two friends dealing with life limiting conditions - and I’m providing a listening ear for another friend whose dog has just died.

Everyone I’ve mentioned has very real problems that affect their lives in different ways and for the life of me I would be unable to ‘rank’ them in importance. Every one of us needs kindness, now more than ever.

Yesterday one of my long-term homeless clients, who has suffered incredible trauma, was given their very first permanent home; a fully furnished flat! Yet in the middle of the excitement has still taken the trouble to phone me and text me several get-well messages. Such kindness is priceless and, in my experience, GN is usually very good at it.

Squiffy Tue 12-Jan-21 16:35:59

However, you stop and think. What if the pip is just the last straw for that poster and there is so much going on behind the scenes.

Exactly Marydoll!

It's often the trivial things that can tip someone over the edge. The minutest last straw can cause someone to be overwhelmed.

Perhaps it's nature's way of making them finally break down and get it out of their system? Just a thought.

silverdragon Tue 12-Jan-21 16:36:49

Galaxy - It's my mum actually. She can be utterly selfish at times with no idea just how much I'm doing for her & my dad. I feel more like a housekeeper at times.

Atqui Tue 12-Jan-21 16:37:27

Yes I agree. There are a lot of sanctimonious posts - or is that called virtue signalling these days ? I would imagine that some posters who decided to ‘ dip their toe’ in the forum with some minor problem may well never dare to post again.,

Ellianne Tue 12-Jan-21 16:38:55

merlotgran

Whenever I see a rather batty OP I hope it will lead to funny contributions from other gransnetters.

Laughter is the best medicine. grin

Me too!

Greenfinch Tue 12-Jan-21 16:44:51

Many years ago I had a friend with fertility problems but what moved her to tears was the saucepan boiling over !!

Ellianne Tue 12-Jan-21 16:44:58

Is it because in real life we would be the first to rush to support someone and feel of some practical help, but online things seem more trivial because we can't actually DO anything?