Pandemic changing the way we treat people’s concerns

I think there is a difference though Lucca between the (desirable) ability to have a robust debate, and virtually telling no people their concerns are of no matter.

I do agree but there are some replies that this doesn't apply to.

Recently, I'd asked a question but also made a comment about amount of vaccines. I was more or less told I'd get my comeuppance. She had generalised but her comment did upset me.

Why should someone wish ill on another?

I think you have to take the rough with the smooth though on an open forum? I recently was on the receiving end of two frankly unjustified comments. I was taken aback for a while but then told myself to get over it !

Oops four

MawBe

merlotgran

Whenever I see a rather batty OP I hope it will lead to funny contributions from other gransnetters.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Hear, hear Merlotgran ??

That makes three of us witches round the cauldron ......

@MOnica, I could really relate to your ‘elderly relative’ post. We have very elderly neighbours - he is partly disabled, incontinent and often very uncooperative. She is often near the end of her tether but generally copes - and insists that she can manage, though does ask for help quite often with things she’s too frail to do.

The other day she phoned in tears and in a terrible state. I went over, she was crying and almost incoherent. The last straw had been the fact that she couldn’t get a Christmas garland down from where one of her children had draped it over a mirror.

Kate1949: I wasn’t referring to what you said, reall I completely understood how you must feel ???

GillT57 I think you have it right there.

River walk yes, when a poster said her husband had made a mess of cutting her hair

Good post Marydoll. I think perhaps the issue is that we all feel so helpless with this pandemic, apart from staying out of people's way, not going out, there is nothing we can do to move it along and take control of our own lives again. It is a strange situation for us all, and for many it makes what would previously been a small or petty issue get blown up to a catastrophe. There is always someone worse off and being reminded of it doesn't always help. I am currently suffering from cabin fever, and I know that compared to someone trying to work from home and home educate their children I am well off, but that person is well off compared to the person bombed out of their home in Syria

Ilovecheese
... Another thing is, it is sometimes almost nice to have a small worry that takes ones mind away from the great big worry that consumes one for most of the time.

That has never crossed my mind, but on reading your post I instantly thought "how true".
Very insightful!

Galaxy Thank you. Not easy at times. She suffers from lack of balance, broke her hip 16 months ago & dad suffers from bad spinal pain on & off plus other things - has an awful diet but his idea of improving it is eating a whole tin of fruit in one sitting.

As the oldest of 4 I somehow knew it was going to fall back on me...

I don't like the 'First world problem' retort, as, as has been said upthread, it is facile, and also because we live in the First world! If we didn't allow ourselves to feel upset/irritated by anything that didn't happen to people in the Second and Third worlds, we would either be very 'Zen', or our standards would slip very quickly.

I think that most 'think yourself lucky' comments are unhelpful, as if something is upsetting someone, it is upsetting them, and that's all there is to it. Knowing that others are worse off is not going to improve matters - if anything it could make people feel worse.

If a reader thinks that a problem is trivial, it's better, in my opinion, to just ignore it than to tell the poster that she is over-reacting, particularly if the rebuke drags in the pandemic. It's a bit tasteless to do that, I think.

Sorry silverdragon I made an assumption there. That must be very difficult.

Exactly.

Kate, I'm usually stoic and resilient and meet everything head on.
However, it can be something as simple as DH not listening that tips me over the edge.

I agree Marydoll . I have apologised to the person who posted about a bad haircut. I posted that at least she hadn't got alopecia like me.
I realise that was unkind. Of course her bad haircut was upsetting for her.

Is it because in real life we would be the first to rush to support someone and feel of some practical help, but online things seem more trivial because we can't actually DO anything?

Many years ago I had a friend with fertility problems but what moved her to tears was the saucepan boiling over !!

merlotgran

Whenever I see a rather batty OP I hope it will lead to funny contributions from other gransnetters.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Me too!

Yes I agree. There are a lot of sanctimonious posts - or is that called virtue signalling these days ? I would imagine that some posters who decided to ‘ dip their toe’ in the forum with some minor problem may well never dare to post again.,

Galaxy - It's my mum actually. She can be utterly selfish at times with no idea just how much I'm doing for her & my dad. I feel more like a housekeeper at times.

However, you stop and think. What if the pip is just the last straw for that poster and there is so much going on behind the scenes.

Exactly Marydoll!

It's often the trivial things that can tip someone over the edge. The minutest last straw can cause someone to be overwhelmed.

Perhaps it's nature's way of making them finally break down and get it out of their system? Just a thought.

I am currently spending a second day in bed because I’m struggling with a (definitely) non-COVID cough and am sleep deprived. At the same time I’m keeping a homelessness charity running, supporting a suicidal relative and several mentally ill clients, have two friends dealing with life limiting conditions - and I’m providing a listening ear for another friend whose dog has just died.

Everyone I’ve mentioned has very real problems that affect their lives in different ways and for the life of me I would be unable to ‘rank’ them in importance. Every one of us needs kindness, now more than ever.

Yesterday one of my long-term homeless clients, who has suffered incredible trauma, was given their very first permanent home; a fully furnished flat! Yet in the middle of the excitement has still taken the trouble to phone me and text me several get-well messages. Such kindness is priceless and, in my experience, GN is usually very good at it.

merlotgran

Whenever I see a rather batty OP I hope it will lead to funny contributions from other gransnetters.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Hear, hear Merlotgran ??