Friendship vs vaccination

I've two friends who are against vaccination. This is despite their two AC being seriously ill with Covid. Very difficult to understand the reasoning behind the decision but they don't have the 'flu jab or routine checkups for anything either.

I’m glad to see this post as I’ve been worrying about a ‘friend’ of many years who refuses to adhere to lockdown rules, has her family for dinner (two families ) and has done all through the past year even during lockdowns. She says she ‘won’t be dictated to’ and refuses to wear a mask (though I don’t know how she shops ...!). She believes the conspiracy theories (China did it deliberately, Bill Gates did it, the vaccination contains micro chips, the government is wanting to control us (with microchips!) etc. Etc....).
I haven’t been in touch with her since Christmas when I was due to go and stay, but didn’t as the rules changed. It was at this point she wrote a long message saying how we ‘disagree’ with everything Covid related...! I feel I can’t be friends with someone who is so selfish, especially blatantly carrying on as normal with her family. It’s on my mind a lot, but things have changed for me and I can’t seem to forgive her ...! (The strange thing too, is she’s an ex nurse !!)

I had a long term close friend and we agreed to disagree over some big issues such as Brexit but it became hard work when she became an ardent conspiracy theorist and anti vaccer. She got offended about something last summer and no longer speaks to me. I have no wish to try and sort it out as she was becoming too difficult. It's sad after we used to have such good times together.

I think this is a difficult subject DH and I have had our 1st jab and were very happy to do so. Our 40yr old son and his fiancé are eagerly awaiting theirs he feels it’s his social responsibility to do so. Then there’s our 38yr old daughter and her husband who have said they won’t have it which saddens me greatly. Dd had a lot of fertility problems having her 2nd child having had several miscarriages which was horrendous for us all. She doesn’t trust the vaccine to interfere with her fertility. She is a very intelligent girl and associates with lots of other very intelligent people who have told her to be wary ? I understand her fears and nothing I can say will change her mind.
Maybe I’m naive but there is no way I would ban her from my home because she’s not vaccinated. Although it upsets me it’s her choice.

I totally agree, Nan0 and Alishka And many of us will have memories of the mass polio vaccination, together with the horrifying pictures of children in iron lungs. I do think it's selfish of people who refuse to be vaccinated, especially with comments like "I'll wait and see how it affects other people first". But I feel certain that when these people realise that they won't be able to travel abroad , maybe even not be able to attend events/ venues/ restaurants etc in the UK, then they'll all be rushing to be vaccinated.

I think if you are fit enough to have the vaccine then it is selfish not to have it. I prefer unselfish friends.

I admit to be ambivalent about this.

I have always believed that everyone has the right to their own opinions and to live according to them, and I would like to continue feeling this way.

However, there are areas of life where we have to accept a majority decision - the law is one of them. Whatever laws are in force have to be obeyed . Few people would doubt that.

Right now vaccination is still a matter we can decide for ourselves and this is how it should be.

BUT do those who refuse to be vaccinated really have the right to put the rest of us at risk?

Frankly, I do not think they do.

I do not know where we go from here, except try to persuade them to be vaccinated.

I do not like the thought of having to tell friends that they are only welcome inside my house if they have been vaccinated, but perhaps we should be considering doing so?

It will cost us some friends, obviously.

What about tradesmen? Do we look for electricians and plumbers who have been vaccinated, or just keep six feet away from them while they work in our homes?

Patsie - it's all a question of how up close and personal you were with your friend before this pandemic, and whether you want that to continue afterwards. If you saw your friend at a distance beforehand then maybe if won't matter, but if you sat across a table playing bridge with her twice a week for two hours you might just have to tell her that that would be off the agenda. Do you have other mutual friends and if so, have you spoken to them about your/their feelings?

Your friend may well change her mind when she finds that her access to events, transport, holidays etc is restricted. She may not like it, but that will be her choice

I have a friend who, although has happily had the vaccination, has totally ignored all lockdown rules. She has throughout continued to visit people indoors, hugging etc, has regularly had her grandchildren to sleepover, even one who is a nurse. She keeps nagging me to meet up (She lives an hour's drive away) but I keep putting her off. I just feel that if I meet up with her I might not be able to bite my tongue, which I'm able to do on the phone .

I completely agree. If somebody isn’t vaccinated then I don’t want them around me or in my home.

Patsie, I read your post as concerns about how differing opinions spoil a friendship.

My sister-in-law and her partner are refusing vaccinations because they don't trust the information we have been given: I do trust it, and both DH and I have been vaccinated (once!)
They think we should have stayed in the EU: DH and I voted to leave.
DSIL and I have very different political and religious views.

We are very good friends and have interesting telephone calls about various situations, and we have supported each during some incredibly difficult times over the past few years, not least when our respective partners have been suffering life-threatening health conditions. Hopefully, I will be able to see her again once we are allowed to travel to EU countries or vice versa! (DH does not like travelling abroad!!)

My ex-daughter-in-law and I have remained good friends despite differences of opinion. In fact, since her own mother died suddenly as the result of a car accident, she seems to regard me as a surrogate mother as well as a friend!

In my experience, friendship is based on love, not on opinions. If you don't feel safe in her company, then talk about it. Keep lines of communication open!

Or have I just been very lucky in my friendships?!!

Agree to differ. Then keep your distance..
What annoys me is that only 66% of care workers have taken up the offer of the vaccine! That baffles me! It can't be made compulsory within their terms of employment contract or they can sue employers for breach of human rights! So, they gad about and get paid for it while working with vulnerable and elderly people!

We had a letter from our daughter's care provider saying over 90% of their staff had taken up the vaccine, so I think it must vary.

I do think a lot of people are struggling mentally, emotionally and may be even physically (not to mention financially) because of the worry of covid and the restrictions in place, so I TRY to keep it in mind if someone is coming out with things that seem bizarre. Hopefully all these people will come to a realisation of what normality will mean and look like, with or without a vaccine. It's amazing we have one. What would this year look like and the next few years of a vaccine HAD NOT been developed?

Its natural to be anxious about a relatively new vaccine I understand that, I too was apprehensive before I had mine but when the alternative is possible death there isn't really a choice! However I dont intend to fall out about it with anyone.
I did fall out with a friend who was a leave voter though?

Totally agree with keepingquiet. I too have a friend who is into conspiracy theories, some of which I buy into, but not this one. We have discussed the vaccination she refuses, I have had mine. We agree to disagree, she is entitled to her opinion.

Interesting that NHSE have told all line managers they must 'have a conversation' within the next week with all staff who haven't taken the vaccine yet. I'm all for free choice, but in the NHS and caring professions I think your free choice is either have the vaccine or leave your job. As nurses, and even as practice management staff, we had to have Hepatitis B vaccinations, there was no question of not doing so.

I love that term covidiots! I think people should have the choice, but perhaps not to be allowed to go on trains, boats and planes! Even after we have had two vaccines there's not 100% protection.

I understand that lots of younger women won't have the vaccine because pregnant women were advised not to. This was raised with Prof van Tam on GMB last week and he explained that vaccines aren't tested on pregnant women. He went on to say that if any women on the trials became pregnant they were told to leave the trials.

During the Brexit process people were constantly saying that they didn't trust experts. A different group to those who refuse the vaccine admittedly but perhaps we're all becoming anti expert on one subject or another.

I wouldn’t lose a friend over it but maybe just a timely reminder x

Can anyone explain to me why anyone would refuse lifesaving medication? I honestly don't get it! Surely they can read the results of the extensive vaccine trials? Even microchipped pets have to be scanned to know they have one- perhaps scanning the vaccine vials to show they are microchip free would convince them?
What conspiracy do they believe? Why would it be in anyone's interest to invent a disease and how would you convince medical staff to lie about the long hours they are working and the exhaustion they suffer from treating covid patients? Maybe covidiots should be taken round intensive care and shown what is happening.
I totally agree with B9exchange- medical staff should have the vaccine or leave their job. And anyone who refused to have it, unless for genuine medical reasons, would be no friend of mine.

I am having the vaccine because the more people that have it the more we can challenge the government about scrapping social distancing. That should NEVER be made permanent! You could put that to her.

I am soon to help out with vaccinations ( we are very slow in this country) I was delighted yesterday to receive the first jab before we start vaccinating.Its a step in the right direction.
We should not be selfish but think of each other,I think everyone should be vaccinated.

I have a client who won’t have the vaccination but expects me to treat her after the 12th April when I start work again.
I’m a beauty therapist and she has a manicure, pedi and facial.
I will be with her for about 4 hours in quite close proximity.

Of course I will be wearing mask and visor. It should be warm enough to have the windows open and we have a very low incidence of the virus here. I know that she hasn’t been socialising with anyone and the chances of me getting Covid from her are very low but I have put off ringing her to make the appointment.
I don’t really care if I never see her again but she is actually a very nice woman and is feeling very lonely at the moment. She rings me frequently but I haven’t been able to convince her that the inoculation is not going to poison her body.

Posted before I had finished!
I wish someone would tell me if I am putting other clients at risk.