90 year old unwilling to meet after self isolating

OP

"I drove to within 20 miles of her last summer hoping that she would agree to a visit but she was so worried that I would "bring something" that I didn't actually visit. I offered a short car trip, with her in the back, and that we could both wear a mask but she was unwilling."

I don't blame your mother at all.
Covid was very new last year and we couldn't see the end of the tunnel.
Getting in a car with another person would have been a huge no no for me too.

"I've said I'll visit in the summer, and that as we've been vaccinated, we need to get back to "normal" but she's not happy with that. "
I hope you realize her normal is not your normal.
Drop the visit, it is not going to work

"She has always been antisocial, never had friends, won't have any help at home and "can't be doing with people" and I think has actually been quite comfortable with the situation as she doesn't have to be bothered."
That is your answer. Stop hoping your mother is a different person.

Ideas? Let her be. She is happy as she is

There have been a few people on GN that have liked not having to socialise and have had a good reason to say no to visitors without having to feel awkward.

I dislike social events, weddings, parties, and the like, but there is always someone that will try to persuade me to attend telling me I am being miserable and that I should go for other people. I never say to others they should not attend an event so why they have the right to insist I mix I do not know.

I meant to say let her do as she likes rather than how it is for me.

There was another thread about how much introverts like and need time and space to themselves.

Honestly, it’s not “sad” or “antisocial”. It’s what we like.

The phone call or the on-line chat is good because we can end it when we want. The stress comes from the company we can’t shed when we need to.

Like the other thread said, she doesn’t make her extrovert colleagues be quiet, so why do they keep trying to make her join in!

(This isn’t really a thread about a thread, it’s just a backup for what I’m trying to say)

Is your Mum happy? Well, there we go?

If she’s happy with it, leave it to her. It would be much worse if she wanted to meet and couldn’t. Just keep in touch.

I don’t have any advice I’m afraid but oh my goodness, what a sad situation.

I like people but in reality, lockdown didn't bother me at all. I have a partner but he got locked elsewhere in the UK due to family responsibilities. Likewise I couldn't go to him. We finally reunited on April 12th.
I enjoyed my life on my lonesome & now, have no real drive to hook up with friends & acquaintances again. Maybe I'm like your mum, happy & self contained. I like my own company & head space.
My partner is back with me again & we're fine but I don't actively seek others so I can understand your mum's desire to be "left alone."

If she is comfortable with the situation, why are you worried about it?