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What would you have done?

(35 Posts)
Luckygirl Mon 30-Aug-21 21:35:21

Sister-in-law, whom I do not know all that well, rang me to ask if she could come down and see me for a couple of nights, bringing her camper van and sleeping in that. I said OK but asked her to take a covid rest before she came and I would do the same.

She texted this morning and said her test was negative - arrived at 3.30 with obvious cold symptoms! What to do, knowing that these are the predominant symptoms of the delta variant? I knew that I just did not feel happy about it.

In the end I walked her up to the common, sat her down on a bench and said, as kindly as I could, that I did not feel happy about having her in the house with her cold symptoms.

I felt very awkward about doing this, but what else could I have done?

She is planning to move on tomorrow morning. I have made her an evening meal and hooked the camper up to the electricity supply. Also I have given her paracetamol, olbas oil, and throat sweets.

I feel absolutely awful about this, but I do not want covid and cannot be sure she is OK.

What would you have done?

SueDonim Mon 30-Aug-21 21:40:43

I wouldn’t particularly want a stonking cold, let alone Covid! She needs to be at home until she’s better, not visiting people.

M0nica Mon 30-Aug-21 21:50:16

Whatever the cause of the cold, she shouldn't be out and about.

Redhead56 Mon 30-Aug-21 22:02:08

I would have done the same when you are full of head cold or whatever you shouldn't be driving anywhere. I am sure she must know you enough to not take offence invite her back when she is better.

GagaJo Mon 30-Aug-21 22:10:41

If she's only taken a lateral flow test, there's a good chance she's had a false negative.

Why on earth didn't she stay at home?

I'd have done the same as you.

Luckygirl Mon 30-Aug-21 22:27:34

You are all making me feel a bit better - I felt an absolute rat, but I knew that things would be very awkward and that it was probably better to be open about how I felt.

I rang a doctor friend and said "Am I being totally neurotic?" and she endorsed what I had done - but I still fell a bit of a rat.

Nana3 Mon 30-Aug-21 22:37:03

My daughter has a stinking cold and has had a negative test. I've been to her house today.
Sorry OP but we have been vaccinated and can see people without feeling too afraid.

ginny Mon 30-Aug-21 22:42:09

It may not be Covid but at any time common sense and thoughtfulness should say don’t go visiting with a heavy cold.
Good for you to stand up for yourself.

GagaJo Mon 30-Aug-21 22:43:14

I've turned down quite a few invitations, annoying friends, I know. But I make my own choices about my health. And I chose to be cautious.

If she'd been honest before she came, 'I've tested negative, but I'm full of cold.' you could have let her know and saved her the bother.

It would have been the polite thing to do. Other people can't force their choices on us.

Grammaretto Mon 30-Aug-21 23:00:28

Well done Luckygirl. You should not feel bad about this at all.
I hope you all stay safe.

I had uninvited people at the door yesterday (friends of DH who were up from England for a holiday) and I didn't invite them in.
It was a little awkward because normally I'd have at least offered them a cuppa but it isn't normal times.

Luckygirl Mon 30-Aug-21 23:09:03

Not normal times indeed. I hate it all. My instinct is to be welcoming which is why I am finding this so hard. I have some health vulnerabilities too.

I just felt that I have followed all the rules, in spite of that meaning having to cut myself off from my family immediately after my husband died - it has been miserable, and I just feel I cannot make all of that in vain just for someone I do not really know very well.

Mollygo Mon 30-Aug-21 23:09:18

You did a good job there Luckygirl. You fed her and provided electricity. Regardless of Covid, I would expect someone with a heavy cold to cancel their visit.

Jillyjosie Mon 30-Aug-21 23:20:35

Double vaccinated friend of my daughter has just caught Covid for the second time. If I remember correctly, I think around 20% of those being hospitalised have been double vaccinated.
You can't afford to make assumptions about cold type symptoms especially with lateral flow false negative possibilities as someone said above.

Callistemon Mon 30-Aug-21 23:46:56

Even if it is "just a cold" I think you've done the right thing.
It could be Covid but even if not, I think no-one wants to be near someone with a cold anyway.

There do seem to have been fewer colds around with masks, handwashing and distancing and I think we may have forgotten just how rotten they can make you feel and can go on to cause a chest infection if you're prone to them.

She shouldn't have come to see you if she was feeling full of cold.

Shelflife Tue 31-Aug-21 00:49:54

Luckygirl, you have done the right thing . Your SIL really should have stayed at home , she may have Covid or a heavy cold - either way you don't want to catch it !! My daughter is double jabbed but now has Covid , so does her 6 year old daughter. Husband and younger child having PCR tests and so far are testing negative. Daughter feeling rotten , 6 year old is symptom free! Being vaccinated is no defense against Covid - just prevents us being seriously ill. Fortunately we hadn't seen our daughter or GC for over 3 weeks prior to her positive test result.
Don't feel bad about your decision , Covid is no joke even if vaccinated. The risk is too great to take, take care .

nanna8 Tue 31-Aug-21 09:40:59

I agree with the others. You did exactly the right thing. What on earth was your SIL thinking?

glammanana Tue 31-Aug-21 11:05:57

Luckygirl Please don't feel bad you have to think of yourself and no one else at this unpredictable time,surely she should have realised the consequences that could arise out of her visit.I hope she travels straight home again and does not "visit" anyone else until she is well.

Luckygirl Tue 31-Aug-21 11:10:34

I did all I could for her - made her a cake to take away with her; and researched places round here that she could take her camper and have a walk.

It was very hard to basically be unwelcoming - not something I would normally do.

Thanks for the helpful messages.

henetha Tue 31-Aug-21 11:11:29

She's thoughtless. Covid or not, I want people with colds to avoid me, please! You did the right thing.

DiscoDancer1975 Tue 31-Aug-21 12:13:41

I wouldn’t have wanted her with just a cold, never mind the chance it could be covid! How thoughtless and selfish of her. Why do people think it’s alright to do things like this?

I wouldn’t accommodate her at all. She would have been sent straight back. You’re a lot more welcoming than I would have been. I’ll be honest....it’s making me livid thinking about it.

You keep safe. You’re not in the wrong in any way.

Smileless2012 Tue 31-Aug-21 12:16:55

You did the right thing Luckygirl. At the very least she should have told you she had a cold and asked if it was still OK for her to come.

As others have said, even if it's just a cold you shouldn't be spreading it about.

nadateturbe Tue 31-Aug-21 13:00:48

You did the right thing Luckygirl and in a very nice kind way.. No need to feel guilty at all.

grannyqueenie Tue 31-Aug-21 14:16:11

I think you did exactly the right thing and with kindness too. Some of my family, double jabbed at that, have had Covid recently. Symptoms started with a cold, stuffed up nose and scratchy throat but then the adults in the family went on to be quite unwell. It’s against your nature to do what you’ve had to do but Covid is the last thing you need after all you’ve gone though this past year or so. flowers

FarNorth Tue 31-Aug-21 14:22:29

The rat was your sister-in-law, for expecting you to be welcoming to her and her germs, whatever they are.

Allsorts Tue 31-Aug-21 14:27:01

I think you did the right thing. I couldn’t have told her, just worried for the next 10 days.