Cannot visit grandkids if we fly

Drive and break the journey up with an overnight stay at somewhere interesting. Don't make this a confrontation between yourself and your dil. The conversation about how long your dil keeps up this requirement can be had when you get there and might be in a position to ask what she would feel comfortable with. I accept this might seem as though you are pandering to her but see it from her perspective. During the pandemic in the UK, we never stopped seeing our grandchildren who live five minutes away (heart of London) because we were all at the same risk, but we didn't want another grandchild who lives 250 miles away visiting because the incidence of covid was much greater there at the time. If your dil is unreasonable and fails to take account of regional differences (i.e. you might be coming from somewhere with a very low incidence of covid) then she has an ulterior motive. However, for the moment, accept her wish to protect her new born at face value and drive there.

Do the new parents isolate themselves to stop themselves catching covid? If they are seeing her family regularly surely there is a risk there as well. All these people come into contact with others all the time...they could easily catch covid. Seems a different rule for her family... Why is that?

I agree you can pick up any infection anywhere. While I don't agree with your Dil I have to say their child their rules.

SecondhandRose

Could you fly a week before and then stay away from them?

exactly what I was going to suggest. Find a nice airbnb and have a lovely 2 week holiday with short agreed visits to see your family so that they don't feel overwhelmed...

You will definitely need to stopover at a hotel or motel. Also visit restaurants. So there's probably more risk to driving. I would fly, stay in a hotel for a week then test

Could you fly a week before and then stay away from them?

"I was frustrated by the circumstances and sad I cannot get there as often as I want."

Even if you could go as often as you wanted, would that match your son and dil's frequency as well?

It’s always sad when children are so far away Maryelizabeth.
You will work it out. Congratulations on your new grandchild.

Thank you everyone for input. The information I’ve read is mixed about flying. So we’ll drive when we can. I was frustrated by the circumstances and sad I cannot get there as often as I want.

I want to point out that airports are risky, but planes themselves are very low risk. There are studies in the article I posted.

I live in this part of the US and am familiar with where she is talking about.

Airports themselves are one of the highest risk environments in the US. However, this risk can be mitigated by wearing masks during travel, even though they are not required on airplanes any longer.

Driving would be considered safer, though you do have the risk in stops along the way to stay in a hotel or overnight.

If you feel like you can discuss the topic with your son/DIL, offer to wear masks at all point during travel, get the latest booster 2 weeks before travel and arm yourself with good information such as this.

www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/04/22/1094183597/travel-mask-mandate-risk

If she will not budge, accept that gracefully and make plans to drive without showing any ill will. Babies are precious, as we all know, so it is best for future relationships if you do as asked right now IMO.

Hithere does make a fair point, though it's probably not too relevant in this particular instance with the issue being concern about flying.

I mean, I wanted a friendly relationship of my own with my MIL. Her clear lack of interest in me doing anything other than getting out of her way so she could take over the grandchildren didn't exactly encourage me to have her visit more often.

Hithere

Your title seems to exclude the parents from the visit - I hope it is how its worded here

Hithere for goodness sake by now I expect you to find and exploit every little crack you perceive in any post on behalf of a grandparent about their adult kids and grandchildren but lately it is just unreal how far you’ve taken it, you are letting your own biases and hang ups color every comment you leave even more so than ever before. You know darn well the title of this post was not excluding the parents from the visit and that you are pretending like that is so is you being purposefully obtuse. Tell me, is the title incorrect? “Cannot visit grandkids if we fly” - is that not the case here? Why not just give advice and not critic or correct every grandparents word choice whenever they post about their grandkids? You aren’t being helpful, especially when you say it such as you do here, in a backhanded manner.

Your title seems to exclude the parents from the visit - I hope it is how its worded here

New baby is only 1 month old, right?

Babies in the US can get covid vaccinated at 6 months old

It's not only covid out there - flu season is here

We are taking about a newborn here.

Talk to your son about video chats, sending pics, etc.

silverlining48

Not sure the poster doing research about air travel/covid will make any difference to her son and dil decision in the matter.
Its not really her call.

Indeed.

Follow along to what your son wants for a happy vacation.

Not sure the poster doing research about air travel/covid will make any difference to her son and dil decision in the matter.
Its not really her call.

If the baby is being breastfed then the mother's natural protection applies to the baby too.
I would question everyone's assertion that plane travel is more dangerous in terms of catching covid than any other behaviours where you interact with a number of people. I read up about this before flying to the USA and was reassured by the science. I suggest you research the subject.

OP, possibly fly in, take a covid test. Vacation all around lovely San Francisco and that area, staying in a hotel.

Take another covid test, prove you are covid free and then visit?

Shelflife

I understand how you feel but do have to recognize that your DIL has a valid point. Of course you can catch Covid anywhere but I imagine the risks are much greater on a plane.
Your DIL will be feeling very protective towards her baby so I do understand her worries. It is what it is, so I think you may have to bite the bullet and drive - or wait till things improve!?? Good luck.

Agree entirely. Baby comes first even at the expense of upsetting people.

Maryelizabethrose wise words from the other posters, please do Not turn this into a Daughter in law problem, it’s Covid and I’m sure your Son agrees with his wife!

I understand how you feel but do have to recognize that your DIL has a valid point. Of course you can catch Covid anywhere but I imagine the risks are much greater on a plane.
Your DIL will be feeling very protective towards her baby so I do understand her worries. It is what it is, so I think you may have to bite the bullet and drive - or wait till things improve!?? Good luck.

We have driven 19 hours to Europe and just do it over 2 or 3 days. As has been said, a road trip.
While some people act as if it’s all gone away, it hasn’t and parents always have the right to make decisions on behalf of their children and this is a new baby so all the more reason to be careful.
Many of us have children living in different countries and it’s always awkward especially in these difficult times.
Hope you are able to resolve this.

Sorry OP sounds very hard for you and OTT by your dil and son.
You mention they see other closer family all the time guess what you can pick up Covid anywhere so they could just as easily pass it on
Most people have now returned to ordinary life without such concerns about Covid seems they have not

As a suggestion, what if you fly and stay away from the family for a week before doing a test and not visiting if you have the slightest symptoms? Maybe that's something you can suggest but they might still not be comfortable with it, in which case all you can do is accept it.

Alternatively, turn it into a road trip and see the sights along the way. That could be fun.