Cannot visit grandkids if we fly

I think she is being reasonable. Planes are a high risk environment for catching Covid. I've had to debate with my DH how we handle this ourselves as we have both family overseas and a vulnerable person in the household. Unfortunately this is one of the challenges of living distant from family. You don't need to agree but your DIL and son have the right to make the decision that they feel protects their child best. There is risk either way (I think I got Covid on a service stop while on a driving trip myself) but I think the risk is much higher in a plane.

Please don't take this as a personal criticism. It's just another perspective on the issue.

Yes, flying is worse. There is much more chance of getting covid. My DD flies with GC to visit me. We know we are taking a risk to see each other.
But we would understand if either of us didn't want to take that risk.
It's just unfortunate that you live so far away. Sad times.x

Don’t know the distances involved ( am in the uk) but would agree with the other responses. Sorry.

Google maps tells me it's about a 19 hour drive. That is substantial but I do understand your DIL and son's concerns all the same.

nadateturbe

Yes, flying is worse. There is much more chance of getting covid. My DD flies with GC to visit me. We know we are taking a risk to see each other.
But we would understand if either of us didn't want to take that risk.
It's just unfortunate that you live so far away. Sad times.x

Why do you think there is much more chance of getting covid if you fly?
As the OP has stated she is vaccinated, boosted and will take covid tests, how she gets there is irrelevant.

Can catch Covid anywhere ... bus ... plane ... shops ... cinema ... petrol station ... delivery person ... to me can all be a risk ... depends on the people if they have it or not ... wear a mask ... nowhere is completely safe ... one thing nothing is fool proof ... also could be Covid free when you get there & catch it there who knows ... their child so suppose they can put stipulations

Being vaccinated doesn't prevent you getting covid. A negative test doesn't guarantee you don't have it.

Flying means close contact with others.
Mandrake explained this in the first comment.

Normandygirl, because you're stuck in close confinement with multiple people breathing the same air in a plane. My friend recently got Covid on a plane. There's also the seasonal flu. I'm not getting on a plane myself unless I really have to.

That was a reply to Normandygirl.

As a suggestion, what if you fly and stay away from the family for a week before doing a test and not visiting if you have the slightest symptoms? Maybe that's something you can suggest but they might still not be comfortable with it, in which case all you can do is accept it.

Alternatively, turn it into a road trip and see the sights along the way. That could be fun.

Sorry OP sounds very hard for you and OTT by your dil and son.
You mention they see other closer family all the time guess what you can pick up Covid anywhere so they could just as easily pass it on
Most people have now returned to ordinary life without such concerns about Covid seems they have not

We have driven 19 hours to Europe and just do it over 2 or 3 days. As has been said, a road trip.
While some people act as if it’s all gone away, it hasn’t and parents always have the right to make decisions on behalf of their children and this is a new baby so all the more reason to be careful.
Many of us have children living in different countries and it’s always awkward especially in these difficult times.
Hope you are able to resolve this.

I understand how you feel but do have to recognize that your DIL has a valid point. Of course you can catch Covid anywhere but I imagine the risks are much greater on a plane.
Your DIL will be feeling very protective towards her baby so I do understand her worries. It is what it is, so I think you may have to bite the bullet and drive - or wait till things improve!?? Good luck.

Maryelizabethrose wise words from the other posters, please do Not turn this into a Daughter in law problem, it’s Covid and I’m sure your Son agrees with his wife!

Shelflife

I understand how you feel but do have to recognize that your DIL has a valid point. Of course you can catch Covid anywhere but I imagine the risks are much greater on a plane.
Your DIL will be feeling very protective towards her baby so I do understand her worries. It is what it is, so I think you may have to bite the bullet and drive - or wait till things improve!?? Good luck.

Agree entirely. Baby comes first even at the expense of upsetting people.

OP, possibly fly in, take a covid test. Vacation all around lovely San Francisco and that area, staying in a hotel.

Take another covid test, prove you are covid free and then visit?

If the baby is being breastfed then the mother's natural protection applies to the baby too.
I would question everyone's assertion that plane travel is more dangerous in terms of catching covid than any other behaviours where you interact with a number of people. I read up about this before flying to the USA and was reassured by the science. I suggest you research the subject.

Not sure the poster doing research about air travel/covid will make any difference to her son and dil decision in the matter.
Its not really her call.

silverlining48

Not sure the poster doing research about air travel/covid will make any difference to her son and dil decision in the matter.
Its not really her call.

Indeed.

Follow along to what your son wants for a happy vacation.

New baby is only 1 month old, right?

Babies in the US can get covid vaccinated at 6 months old

It's not only covid out there - flu season is here

We are taking about a newborn here.

Talk to your son about video chats, sending pics, etc.

Your title seems to exclude the parents from the visit - I hope it is how its worded here

Hithere

Your title seems to exclude the parents from the visit - I hope it is how its worded here

Hithere for goodness sake by now I expect you to find and exploit every little crack you perceive in any post on behalf of a grandparent about their adult kids and grandchildren but lately it is just unreal how far you’ve taken it, you are letting your own biases and hang ups color every comment you leave even more so than ever before. You know darn well the title of this post was not excluding the parents from the visit and that you are pretending like that is so is you being purposefully obtuse. Tell me, is the title incorrect? “Cannot visit grandkids if we fly” - is that not the case here? Why not just give advice and not critic or correct every grandparents word choice whenever they post about their grandkids? You aren’t being helpful, especially when you say it such as you do here, in a backhanded manner.

Hithere does make a fair point, though it's probably not too relevant in this particular instance with the issue being concern about flying.

I mean, I wanted a friendly relationship of my own with my MIL. Her clear lack of interest in me doing anything other than getting out of her way so she could take over the grandchildren didn't exactly encourage me to have her visit more often.

I live in this part of the US and am familiar with where she is talking about.

Airports themselves are one of the highest risk environments in the US. However, this risk can be mitigated by wearing masks during travel, even though they are not required on airplanes any longer.

Driving would be considered safer, though you do have the risk in stops along the way to stay in a hotel or overnight.

If you feel like you can discuss the topic with your son/DIL, offer to wear masks at all point during travel, get the latest booster 2 weeks before travel and arm yourself with good information such as this.

www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/04/22/1094183597/travel-mask-mandate-risk

If she will not budge, accept that gracefully and make plans to drive without showing any ill will. Babies are precious, as we all know, so it is best for future relationships if you do as asked right now IMO.