Daughter due to have new baby soon

I am sorry, but I really do not think you can be the one to do these things under the current circumstances. I know how hard this will be for you; but it is safety first at the moment.

I am not sure whether birthing partners who are not part of the same household (e.g. a partner who shares the home) would even be allowed. There are people dying on their own because of this rule. It is tough I know.

Even if the hospital did allow this, you should not go back to be with your vulnerable OH until you have served a quarantine period.

These are difficult times indeed.

I know what you say is the way it should be in the circumstances but it is difficult to accept. It helps me to have another opinion and it does really verify what I already know. I just don't know what her options are. Hopefully she can get some guidance at her next antenatal appointment.

Where is the father of the child/ren?

It is foolish to risk it.
Your dd needs to make other plans

The father of her new baby lives in London and my Daughter wont let him visit her unless he self isolates for 14 days which so far he has not done and probably will not. He already has a child he sees in London who he wants to keep seeing. Her two other children have a different father.

You definitely should NOT go. It is against all government advice. Whatever happens you will be in quarantine for 12 weeks. I am sure other arrangements will be in operation and your daughter should enquire with her midwife now as to what these might be.
For what it's worth my daughter's friend was due her second baby in two weeks time which will be at the height of the epidemic. To avoid this the hospital called her in and induced her last week. Her husband was not allowed to be with her whilst the induction medication did its job which took a few hours and she was on her own. He was allowed into the delivery suite for the actual birth and then was sent straight home whilst his wife went back to the ward with the baby on her own. She was then allowed home the next day with husband not allowed on the ward at all.

Can you become part of her household by moving to her house. This means you won't be able to go back to your own home for a long time though. Who will look after the children while she is at the hospital? She needs to talk to her midwife....she us the only one who can answer your questions.

In my day it was more likely than not that we gave birth without a ‘birthing partner’. It sounds harsh but your daughter can do it without you. If she and the children have been isolating you can move in with them to get her to hospital and look after them until your daughter is up and coping after the birth. Can your partner manage on his own for a few weeks? These are terrible times and we have to make difficult decisions I’m afraid.

What about the father of the two children - could he have them ? Who would look after your partner? I’m afraid your daughter will have to accept she may not be able to have all she wants as other people also deserve consideration.

Move in with her I guess ?‍♀️

I too am going to miss the birth of my first grandchild. I know considering what is going on it seems unimportant but it still makes me sad. I do not see why if you have self isolated for the required period you cannot go to your daughters as long as you are living there. You would have to self isolate for 14 days. There could be a chance that your daughter could contract the virus in hospital and give it to you and then she would have you to look a after as well. Can your husband look aster himself. What if you went to live with her 14 days before the birth. Can she get a ambulance to the hospital and back?

.Your DD hasn't thought this through never mind the current implications for you. Who is looking after the children whilst you are at the hospital, you can't be in two places at once. The father needs a wake up call as to the situation. Can't the two GC go to their father and remain their for 2 weeks. You certainly should not be involved, you will be torn to help out but there are others with responsibilities in this situation, not just you.

If SHE has self isolated (with all the children) and YOU and everyone you live with have self isolated, all of you, for 2 weeks. You SHOULD be safe.

She can't have a baby and have no one to look after the other children. She's your daughter.

I agree with GagaJo.
Can your daughter get advice from a midwife as to what other people are doing in these circumstances too?

I think your daughter needs to have a long chat with her midwife. She will need support at home with her children and then with the baby. Have you all been in isolation? It might be that you go and stay with her and you husband remains isolated? Or you might have to become a ‘family unit in lockdown prior to her giving birth. I know a family that did just that. They were in self isolation for 11 days then baby came last week. It’s reassuring to know that one set of grandparents are there and they have support. We will wait for 12 weeks to see the baby. Midwives are generally not doing house calls. Phone calls and trip to hospital so far.

My daughter and partner are expecting their first baby at the end of May. We are in UK and she is in Western Australia. We were meant to be going out to see them and help out. Sadly but understandably this won’t happen.
It is a worry as they live out in the wheat belt, her partner is a grain farmer. They are about three/three and a half hours from Perth where baby will be born. Because of the distance she has to go to live in Perth at least two weeks before the birth. At present it’s not known if her partner will be able to be at the birth as he has to stay on the farm and travel when labour starts. That’s the way it is there.
When they return he will be seeding and my daughter will be on her own for much of the time with a new baby. She does have friends that she can ring or FaceTime as well as us.
Very worrying times.

I am sadly afraid that all of those who say you should not attend the birth of your coming grandchild are right.

I know this must be very hard indeed for you and your daughter.

On Monday please try to contact her midwife and ask her advice and then I think you and your daughter will need to abide by that advice.

You are between a rock and a hard place as both your daughter and your husband need you.

One of many, but that of course doesn't make it better for you, does it?

These messages make me want to cry. This is so hard for everyone and many of us have our own little hardships.
But, people are right in saying it is now your daughter's responsibility not yours. If your partner needs you then he is your priority I'm afraid.
Her other children are probably best off until after the baby is born with their father and your daughter needs to get herself to the hospital. Not sure if taxies are still running otherwise maybe an ambulance is the option.
As soon as possible sort out a remote link with her like Hangout or FaceTime or Skype so you can see each other ( and the new one) while apart...it also allows you to be a bit more supportive once baby is here. Good luck in these very challenging and stressful times.

MAYBE YOU CAN EXPLAIN to the nursing staff .that you feel its not right for you to be with her with your health problems .have you told your daughter how you feel?i should talk to her first...

My husband died before I gave birth to my 4th child. I was alone. We didn’t have birthing partners then. I was ok. It wasn’t great, but we got through it.
In fact my 3 sons couldn’t even visit me in hospital as they got chicken pox while I was in hospital, so I discharged myself and went home (against the doctor’s recommendation) as I was worried about my boys as their dad had gone to hospital and not come back - I thought they would worry about losing me.
My new baby had chicken pox at 2 weeks - but only 12 spots!
We got over it and got on with life.
She will be fine.

I agree with GagaJo - it's a question of whether you and she have been self-isolating. The father of the new baby and the other two children has to be kept out of the equation because you can't know for sure where they have been. This has to be you and your daughter. The bigger issue will arise if she has to go into hospital to have the baby because then you will both be out of isolation and once you get home with her and the new baby you will have to isolate again for a further 14 days before returning to your hubby - so can he manage for up to three weeks by himself? He will only have himself to look after whereas your daughter will have herself plus three children, she may be breast-feeding - her need may well be greater than his. A terrible dilemma for you to be in.

My daughter lives with me and is due the same time , I have been told , at the moment I can be with her as her birthing partner , only one person a loud , she is autistic, I was on video call with her when she had her antenatal friday , the doctor thought that was a good idea , because she can not cope with certain situations, I am her carer

I’m afraid this is the point where you have to decide between your partner or your daughter, who needs your support the most. Given his age and health your partner shouldn’t be moving in with the family even if you do. Can he manage for a lng period on his own because if you go I’m afraid you will have to stay till lockdown is over.

Personally I see the care of the two children as the main issue. It is perfectly possible to give birth without having a birthing partner. I know, Ive done it and it’s not her first time so she knows how it goes.

I’ve also come home to two small children and a new baby and no extra help. It’s not easy but it’s possible. How old are the two children. Old enough to appreciate what’s going on and help?

There’s six weeks to get something sorted. She needs to talk to the midwife asap so that you can make your decision.

I don’t think many hospitals are allowing a birth partner (whoever that might be) to attend at the moment, so you’d probably have to stay home and look after her other children.
However, things might be different in 6 weeks time.

I would ask the maternity nurses/doctors.

If you do not isolate for 2 weeks before she goes to hospital than you really should not go into any part of the hospital.

Is it possible for you to isolate for the next 2 weeks and then isolate at her home while you help her? You have a clear but horrible choice between being with her full time or with your husband - which is the lesser of these two difficult alternatives?