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Friendship vs vaccination

(157 Posts)
Patsie Thu 04-Mar-21 10:29:14

I have a friend who I've known for many years. We get on very well although our views on many subjects are completely opposite. She can be very stubborn and has refused to have the vaccination although she has no medical or religious reasons. She just doesn't like to be told what to do. We had a rather heated discussion about it, at a distance, obviously, and it seems to have cast a cloud over our friendship. I know it is absolutely her choice, but I find it a bit selfish. Why do I feel so bad about the way I feel and how it's affected our friendship. Has anyone else had this dilemma.

Tangerine Thu 04-Mar-21 10:32:00

I have a similar friend.

It doesn't suit me to allow the matter to interfere with our friendship but I understand that others on Gransnet will disagree with me.

We have had several discussions. I think she will end up having it as she is beginning to waiver.

If they bring in rules such as "you can't go on a train or to the cinema or a restaurant without being vaccinated", I think people will find life hard if they refuse the vaccine for no real reason.

Maybe they won't bring in such rules.

Galaxy Thu 04-Mar-21 10:33:03

A friend who I have known since I was 3 has over lockdown become embroiled in conspiracy theories, anti vaccine, trump etc. I am just trying to remember that lots of people are behaving in an unusual manner at the moment, and also trying to remember that my friends have stood patiently by whilst I have made mistakes or done something wrong.

FarNorth Thu 04-Mar-21 10:41:03

Patsie maybe you feel bad because C19 has dominated our lives for so long and it seems your friend is sabotaging the possible solution.

Has she already turned down an opportunity to be vaccinated?

Peasblossom Thu 04-Mar-21 10:46:11

I agree with Galaxy. Friends accept that we all get it wrong sometimes.

It’s nice to have some friends who think like we do, but it’s interesting to have a few who are more challenging. It adds spice to life and stops us getting entrenched.

Mark her down as one of the challenging ones. (And an idiot)😬

(And then accept she’s feeling just the same about you)

Eloethan Thu 04-Mar-21 16:16:05

I would never lose a good friend over this type of issue.

Sparkling Thu 04-Mar-21 16:24:11

It’s different values, I think it’s selfish not to be vaccinated, such a small thing when you think what others sacrifice,you should put your fear to one side and think of others. I have one friend who won’t have it as she doesn’t fancy the side effects she might have, so prefers waiting it out until the rest have had it, not a pleasant side of anyone to see, but we have not fallen out but I do feel differently about her.

AGAA4 Thu 04-Mar-21 16:27:33

The vaccine is an emotive issue at the moment as we are all desperate to live a more normal life and anyone choosing not to have it feels as though they are sabotaging this.
Friends make choices that we may not agree with and vice versa and this is just one of those. Don't let it spoil a good friendship.

keepingquiet Thu 04-Mar-21 17:41:05

I agree. Covid has made us all very judgemental. You have to remember that the vaccine is a choice and your friend is free to make her choice.
I have a friend who doesn't share my opinions about lots of things.
Find the common ground you had before Covid.
If someone told you you would lose a friend due to a pandemic, and just for disagreeing, you would have thought they were crazy.
Find all those other things you used to talk about and forget the vaccine. It shouldn't define who you are.

Septimia Thu 04-Mar-21 18:54:51

DH and I have just had a conversation about this because of the actions of antivaxxers as reported on the local news.

If an individual chooses not to have the vaccine, although I think they're wrong, it is their choice. It's one of those differences of opinion that often occur between friends - like politics.

However, those who spread false information to stop other people having the vaccine or taking the appropriate precautions, are dangerous.

DH said much as I think - it's up to individuals if they want to ignore the facts, but if they spread rumours and encourage others to refuse the vaccine they should be told that they won't be treated if they get ill (I expect they would be, of course). Sounds harsh, I know, but they're essentially committing manslaughter.

welbeck Thu 04-Mar-21 18:55:55

i couldn't be friends with someone who had such fundamentally different values.
it feels like a moral issue. i think i'd be compromising my own self by keeping close company with such one.
i would be polite but distant.
certainly no sharing of feelings, or anything deep, important, personal.
in short, an acquaintance but not a friend.

Urmstongran Thu 04-Mar-21 19:06:50

I think you just have to agree to disagree.
And talk of other things.
And hope she doesn’t catch covid.

sodapop Thu 04-Mar-21 19:09:42

We have lost control of a lot of our way of life at the moment so maybe this is one way your friend has of regaining a bit of control Patsie

MayBee70 Thu 04-Mar-21 22:33:24

I’d make it clear that I had no intention of meeting up with someone that wasn’t prepared to safeguard themselves and others and that even when restrictions are lifted the friendship would have to remain a socially distanced one. I do have an internet chum that is refusing the vaccine so he shall remain just that. A future planned meet up (with other people in our group I hasten to add) will never happen.

JenniferEccles Thu 04-Mar-21 22:39:54

Everyone I know is incredibly happy to have either already had the vaccine or who is eagerly awaiting their turn.

If I had a friend who was reluctant I would listen to what they had to say and then try to reassure them.

I like to think I wouldn’t fall out with them about it.

I have friends who voted to remain in the EU and we are still friends!

BlueBelle Thu 04-Mar-21 22:50:52

I have one friend I don’t class her as close although we ve known each other since school days who is so anti establishment about anything that she sees as ‘ being told what to do’ that she really grates on me She wouldn’t even wear a mask until she realised she couldn’t get in for lunch last summer and reluctantly pulled her scarf up over her mouth
She gives me the pip

BlueBelle Thu 04-Mar-21 22:52:10

Haha that’s big of you jenniferecckes we re not a dying breed there are very many of us nearly as many as you guys, probably more now

NotSpaghetti Fri 05-Mar-21 06:21:17

It's our right not to accept a vaccine - and thank goodness we have a choice
- but like others I'd be more inclined to argue if she was influencing others.

Calendargirl Fri 05-Mar-21 07:21:37

If a friend said that she was refusing the vaccine, I would think “Well, that’s up to her. If she gets ill, that’s her choice.”

I would tell her that she was being foolish, and would keep well socially distanced from her.

It’s not an issue I have come across.

Iam64 Fri 05-Mar-21 08:11:57

My family and friends are all pro vaccine. I’d be reluctant to spend time indoors with someone who refused the vaccine and definitely maintain the distance outdoors.
I accept it’s personal choice and that when restaurants/theatres open up again, we won’t know if people around us had the jab. It’s my choice whether I’d go to the dentist/hair salon etc if I knew the staff refused the vaccine.

Hetty58 Fri 05-Mar-21 08:24:35

My friend has also refused the vaccine. I think she'll change her mind, though, as it may limit her ability to travel to her holiday home. I've clearly stated my views - and wait for her to catch up with the rest of us!

Meanwhile, I wear a mask when I walk with her and she can't enter my house, lockdown or not, for the foreseeable!

jaylucy Fri 05-Mar-21 10:38:07

It comes down to respect.
You have to respect her choice, she has to respect yours.
Doesn't matter that it's in hers and everyone else's best interests to have the vaccine- the more you keep banging on about it, the more she will dig her heels in and refuse to budge - even though she knows she really is in the wrong!
You could always have the last word and tell her that you still think she is wrong, but you are no longer going to talk about it . Time will tell .

Abuelana Fri 05-Mar-21 10:38:24

It’s called choice I believe. In Jan I decided I wasn’t going to fall out with Covidiots. It’s personal choice and probably fear based if you are not comfortable. We live in Spain slow roll out.... my friends in Gibraltar have been mainly vaccinated and not one of them have said that they don’t want to meet me. And I haven’t mentioned if I’ll have it or not as that’s my choice. Let people do what they want we have enough restrictions

Leavesden Fri 05-Mar-21 10:38:52

If people had refused vaccine years ago we would be awash with polio,diphtheria, measles etc then think what a state we would be in do they want iron lungs to make a comeback !

Rosina Fri 05-Mar-21 10:39:05

I have this situation too. It is making me unhappy because, as I see it, you can chance the vaccine or you can chance dying from Covid. My friend 'doesn't like taking any medication'. Neither do I, but it seems there are those who will rely on others willing to go ahead and have the jab, in the hope that the majority will keep them safe. I think it is selfish - particularly as I have two vulnerable family members that I have been extremely worried about all through this time. If my friend wants to come and visit I fear the answer will be no - and that will be the end of a lifelong friendship as she won't understand.