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Cinderella - The Gransnet Panto!

(221 Posts)
susiecb Tue 27-Dec-11 15:49:43

The opening scene is the second best batroom in the house of the Ugly Sisters Uglier Sister, Chlamydia a raddled old crone with a whiskery chin and a large bristly moustache and heaven knows what else in the way of hirsutisim. She hollers out to the family maidservant.

" CINDERS" Get your skinny legs up these stairs and do my back and bring a new razor with you. I want to look my best for the Ball tonight. Prince Charming doesn't like hairy women."

Carol Tue 27-Dec-11 15:56:17

susiecb I messaged you to ask whether I can mail you a panto rap I've done - it might fit the opening scene, would appreciate your opinion - be back later, as just about to start a family gathering x

Carol Tue 27-Dec-11 15:58:47

Oh, bugger - I've just realised this may be the actual panto - I'm so sorry!! I thought this new thread was being started tomorrow - grovelling apologies - could you start another new thread again and I promise I won't mess it up??? Must slow down and concentrate.....

JessM Tue 27-Dec-11 16:11:21

CINDERS, muttering to herself:"Is that before or after I scrub the floors, change the beds, wash the linen, carry the coal, light the fire, iron all the ball gowns and do all the Xmas washing up. Or after. Maybe a painful waxing session would be an idea..."

Oxon70 Tue 27-Dec-11 16:33:48

Meeeeow (translation - you feed me too!)

Oxon70 Tue 27-Dec-11 17:16:56

Cat winds round Cinders' legs and trips her up.

Anne58 Tue 27-Dec-11 17:20:22

Scene, at the Princes Castle, Prince " Oh, must I really hold a ball!?"

JessM Tue 27-Dec-11 17:38:03

Queen: "Enough already. Firstborn sons of monarchs just can't keep pleading they are phobic about commitment, are not yet quite certain of their sexual identity, would like to sow their wild oats, have not yet covered from their boyhood crush on Rapunzel or any of your other excuses for not getting a steady girlfriend. Your biological clock is ticking son and it's time to choose a bride. So Ball, Tomorrow, Eight PM Or I'm cutting off your allowance"

Mamie Tue 27-Dec-11 17:39:39

Yes dear you must. I have booked the Can-Can dancers from the Folies Bergere and forked out for their first class travel from Paris. You have NO IDEA how much it cost They are said to be the most glamorous ladies in the western hemisphere.

Anne58 Tue 27-Dec-11 17:40:27

OK, I'd rather hold a ball than be cut off. (Skulks off to consult with steward, Dandini)..........

Anne58 Tue 27-Dec-11 17:58:44

Meanwhile, back at Baron Hardups, the ugly stepsisters are..............

glassortwo Tue 27-Dec-11 18:03:27

Neigh neigh neigh said the panto horse who brought the ugly sister, its knackered pulling them all the way up the hill

psst whose at the end of the horse

Anne58 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:19:13

Rubella "Look my dear sister, we have had an invitation,
to the Princes' celebration,
It seems that he will hold a ball
To choose a bride from amongst us all!"

The invite says "to all the ladies in the house",
But we can't include that Cinders mouse,
She is too plain, too dowdy, dirty, and after all she's under 30!

We are both much more mature,
He'll like us best, we can be sure
Now, we must start to prepare
Pass me the curlers for my hair

Oxon70 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:22:09

(Cinders reaches for the curlers, and falls over the cat again, landing on Salmonella's lap)

JessM Tue 27-Dec-11 18:23:28

.... demanding pedicures. So that their feet will look alluring in those peep toe dancing shoes. Cinderella is of course pressed into service trying to deal with their horny toenails, corny bunions etc
Cinders, to audience: "Could do with one of those flesh eating fish footbaths if I'm to make any headway here. It's like trying to do pedicures on crocodiles. And I know they won't sit still when it comes to the nail polish bit."

Oxon70 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:27:37

(Rubella kicks out at Cinders.........what did you expect?)

Anne58 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:29:33

Meanwhile, Buttons has found the discarded invitation, and realised that the ugly sisters have hidden it/not included Cinderella in the plans. But how does he tell her?................................

Cue song....... (Suggestions, please, I can only think of "I'd do anything" from "Oliver")

JessM Tue 27-Dec-11 18:30:29

Cinders, trying to be brave, still to audience and through gritted teeth: "A piranah pedicure would be perfect...."

Oxon70 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:33:47

(Fits fine Phoenix)

Anne58 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:41:56

Cinders, (waiting hand and foot), upon her step sisters, sighs, and says "Oh I wish I was goingn to the ball!"

JessM Tue 27-Dec-11 18:43:57

As she enters the scullery, 3 flights down, with two heavy buckets of pedicure swillings, she finds Buttons, singing away...

Anne58 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:49:03

"Oh Buttons, I wish I was going to the ball at the Palace, if only there was some way that I could have got an invitation."

Oxon70 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:52:54

(Buttons starts whistling instead of singing. He brings his hand out of this pocket.)

em Tue 27-Dec-11 18:55:35

OI!!! Just logged on and we seem to be half-way through tomorrow's panto. What's happening? Carol - I think they all need to slow down and concentrate!

Oxon70 Tue 27-Dec-11 18:57:54

(try the other thread)