Cinderella - The Gransnet Panto!

C.You remind me of someone I once knew
But she was prettier than you

R. The Prince will be with one of us
Just head for home, go catch a bus.

S. Hey Princey come and see who's here
I can't be bothered, give's a beer.

...but she is already next to her father....(Yes, he did get there).

(What is the prince's name??!!)

CUE PRINCE!

(Well they can't stand looking at each other forever! Is he called Charming, Adamanta, or what? And who is he?)

(Stepmum muscles in while Prince gets his act together)

Come on then, little royal boy
Bring us some romantic joy.
Tell us all who makes you tick
Get a move on, take your pick.

Dance now with your own true love
As magic comes from up above.
Or we'll all stand around and mock
When disaster strikes with midnight's clock!

'Lost your tongue, have you? Well, I didn't come here to meet you anyway.'
('See you, Dad.')
'Ay believe ay see a friend over there' (in her best posh accent) Ay may see you later.'

(She's seen the coachman, in tophat and tails, across the room, and heads over there. Don't ask me how he got in.)

(FG2 confronts FG1)

I really do not want to fight,
I think I'll go and help Snow White.
The striking dwarves are now all lazy,
All that kingdom's going crazy.

Rapunzel needs some sound advice.
I've told her once – this will be twice.
If she truly wants to drop
The prince – an Eton crop

Will work the trick.
Princesses are so often thick.
And, frankly, princes
Make me sick.

Look at that wretch with the bed and pea.
Nobody tested that he was he,
But layers and layers of eiderdown
Were the way he decided she could have a crown.

And as for those greedy babes in the wood,
It wouldn't have happened if they had been good.
And Olympic dreams were too absurd
For a Gingerbread Man with no custard. [ouch!]

Oh that smarty-pant pig with his house of bricks
Who just wanted to get the poor wolf in a fix,
And you cheat for some beans, get a great big leaf
Doesn't mean you should become a thief.

Of Fairyland I've had enough
Of kings and queens and all that stuff.
I want to travel somewhere new.
"Hold that Tardis, Dr Who."

(FG2 exits in a blue police box.)

Stepmum
Oh no! What are we meant to do?
No romance and no flippin' shoe!
And now no bloomin' happy ending
With Cinderella homeward wending
Princey, princey now you oughter
Look around and woo my daughter.

Cat/Coachman 'Wotcher Cindy! - Wanna dance, pet?'

(He's half a cat still, with furr on face and hands, but everyone thinks he's in fancy dress.)

Sleeping Beauty getting very sleepy as its after midnight in heaven:

Cinderella
Wont keep her fella
The ugly bitches
Who are really witches
Sleezy and mean they are kinda keen
To marry the prince and be the queen

Stepmum and daughters make disgruntled exit
.
Oh girls we'll have another try
Your time will come, dears, by and by.
As Panto reappears next year
We'll star again so never fear.
In STRICTLY you did miss your chance
So on the ICE let's go and DANCE!

(Cinders is dancing with her cat/coachman)

'Oh Furrball, I don't like it here. It's too posh for me.'

Enter Caretaker
Oi you lot! You deaf or sumfin' Clock is strikin' midnight and my shift is done. You got no homes to go to?

Baron Hardup:
'Cinders! How dare you go off like that - and who is this?'

Cinders turns and walks out.

The prince is dumb
The coach is gone
The sisters leave
We can't go on

And Cinders - what about her fate?
The furure, we appreciate
Is in fate's hands.
The curtain falls
And we wait for
The curtain calls.

I mean future.

bong, bong ooops, what's just happened to yer frock ducks?

Curtain Calls

Troop on, hold hands, bow/curtsey with elegance, catch red roses thrown by ardent fans!

Curtain Calls

Troop on, hold hands, bow/curtsey with elegance, catch red roses thrown by ardent fans!

3rd curtain call (Did you see what I did - not really just an accidental double post)

Clip Clop - Pantomime Horse reporting for duty - sorry we are late - we were up practising all night and then had a very long lie-in. Can we take Cinders home or something? I could pull a coach but coul not hump anyone on my aged back which is too sore from too much bareback riding.

Wow - that's done then. Down the pub, girls? Is there an evening performance?

brava brava

Everybody Brava.
(peeking from behind the curtain, since no dress....)
Find me a cloak, someone, and I'll walk home with the Horse and the Cat....
- and get dressed and join you at the pub!!

Right! I've done my tax return. Can I join in? The dancing bits can't be over.