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Suitable action to help a child's memory.

(42 Posts)
Bags Mon 21-May-12 11:43:00

The title is a bit tongue in cheek, as you will see, but I put it in the culture forum because our child-rearing practices do change and differ according to 'culture' or 'cultural norms'.

DD has been trained from toddlerhood not to drop litter. She's now eleven so there are NO acceptable excuses for doing so. She took a drink carton outside yesterday. I reminded her, as usual, to put it in the bin when she'd finished. Her pal had a packet of sweets. This morning, on going up the garden to empty the compost bucket, what do I find on the ground near the swing but discarded juice carton and sweet packet angry.

Tell me what you would do to get the message into her brain so that she NEVER forgets.

Anagram Mon 21-May-12 11:48:12

Hmm...sounds like a bit of peer pressure coming into play here! Of course I don't know your DD, but around that age I know my own DD (who had also been brought up never to drop litter!) began caring more about what her friends thought than what I said.

Of course, they may have meant to put their rubbish in the bin, but just forgot! That's another thing they start doing....sad

gillybob Mon 21-May-12 11:50:58

Hello Bags I would guess that there is nothing at all wrong with DD's memory at all I think perhaps she was pushing the boundaries and offering up a small protest.

I would be tempted to leave them there (or at least put them back for her to find) and remind her that the litter she left is still waiting for her to pick it up.

Bags Mon 21-May-12 11:52:22

I expect it was the forgetteries in actions, nag. Minds on more important things (aye, right!), but I stil won't stand for it.

Bags Mon 21-May-12 11:55:11

Good idea, gillybob, but it has been deposited in the wheelie bin already. IF it happens again, I'll stake the litter down with a stick and do what you suggest.

I have actually thought of a suitable punishment, which I'll tell you all anon, but I wanted to hear what other people's approaches would be. Gransnet is good for that smile

Mishap Mon 21-May-12 12:11:26

I think the message is "Don't remind me of babyish things that I already know in front to my mates, 'cos they might think I'm not a cool dude!" What a minefield it is!! - they are like teenagers very early now!
I would ignore it - treat it like a toddler temper tantrum.

Butternut Mon 21-May-12 12:41:33

1. Drop any of your litter shock in her space

2. Tie up her litter with string and pin to ceiling/door/wall/floor in her space - continue to do so until it's unacceptable to her

Still - knowing how single-minded DD3 can be this might be counter-productive wink

Whatever you come up with to re-enforce her memory - Good luck! grin

Annobel Mon 21-May-12 13:22:49

Aw, Bags, if this is a one-off, don't over-react. It might be a small act of rebellion or an oversight. You are obviously good friends, so just hold a conversation with her on the subject of litter and ask what appropriate penalty she would exact if she were the mum. You might agree a 'fine' or some extra task around the house or garden.

soop Mon 21-May-12 14:20:02

Bags I could introduce DD to our wee man. He INSISTS on clearing any litter from pavements and parks...and makes a huge theatrical gesture of taking it to the nearest the absence of which, he tucks said litter into the pushcahair tray grin

Bags Mon 21-May-12 14:21:00

I like butty's ideas grin. Trouble is, I'm pathologically incapable of deliberately dropping litter anywhere, so the droppng in her space thing would be very hard. If I started pinning bits of litter around in her room, she'd probably join in and turn it into an art work confused hmm grin

I see what you're saying, annobel and mishap, but how many little rebellions do you put up with until you put your foot down? and as far as litter oversights are concerned, they're simply not allowed! I'm very relaxed about tidiness at home (ask soop) but litter in a natural and outdoor environment is something I will not stand from members of my family (DH feels the same). Good grief, she's a scout! She should never forget!

So I'm going to be tough and ban teacakes after school for the rest of the month shock shock shock. If she hates me for that as much as I hate litter dropping, the message will stick.

But she won't because she knows what I'm like and deep down in her soul, she agrees.

Bags Mon 21-May-12 14:21:38

soop, she was like that at that age. hmm

soop Mon 21-May-12 14:24:24

Bags ((hugs)) for both you and the little lassie smile

Bags Mon 21-May-12 14:29:04

thanks, soop.

Besides, it was just sloppiness. If she'd taken the juice carton to the bin as soon as she'd finished it, as she should......

I wouldn't even mind them putting the stuff just inside the wash-house on top of the freezer.

Left on the ground? NEVER!

Mishap Mon 21-May-12 14:32:17

Wells Bags, she knows that you "will not stand" it, so she has chosen her weapon with care! (My children knew that I hated food to be wasted - so they had a ready made battle ground when they wanted one).

Here is my rule - save your fire for the big things (taking drugs, mugging old ladies etc.) and let most of the rest pass you by.

How many little rebellions? - no real answer to that - but it is a lot!!

Rule no.1. - stay friends!

This could just one a one-off - for all you know this friend holds all the cards as far as cool is concerned and it is important to your DD not to lose face.

If she continues to do it regularly then some firm words are called for, but let the poor girl have her teacakes - served with lots of love!!

She needs to know that you understand where she might be coming from - you can't spell that out to her, but you can avoid over-reacting. It really is the law of the jungle out there sometimes between little girls (I had 3!) and they need to have you onside.

Butternut Mon 21-May-12 14:44:34

Golly, no tea-cakes for 9 days - You are cross, B.shock

[hug] from me, too!

Bags Mon 21-May-12 14:47:23

I think she was just being careless and thoughtless, mishap. Most of the time that doesn't matter but this does. No good drawing boundaries and making rules about unacceptable behaviour if you can't be bothered to enforce them, is there?

whenim64 Mon 21-May-12 14:47:48

Mishap has said what I would say Bags. Just have a word and don't punish, unless she starts doing it wholesale just to wind you up. smile

Bags Mon 21-May-12 14:56:44

I'm listening, honestly, but the same basic technique worked with my other two (who are quite different from each other as well as from their little sister). I think perhaps I'm more of a take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves person. It certainly worked the first two rounds.

Anagram Mon 21-May-12 15:01:37

Sorry I can't back you up here, either, Bags, but your mind is obviously made up! (And was even before your OP! wink

Bags Mon 21-May-12 15:02:21

the thing is, it's about attitudes. Respect for self, respect for others, and respect for your surroundings. You have to start with the small stuff to get the idea across.

I will modify the punishment because you are all such lovely big softies! smile Thank you.

Bags Mon 21-May-12 15:03:19

Crossed post, nag. Thanks for yours.

Anagram Mon 21-May-12 15:06:14

Half a teacake...?

You must do as you think best, Bags! We probably are big softies! grin

Bags Mon 21-May-12 15:26:10

She's home. She has accepted "no profiteroles" (she gets a pack of two tubs of three profiteroles once a week). She would rather it had been no teacakes because they come after profiteroles on the faves list, so I said I'll save that for next time but there won't be a next time, will there wink? And there followed a Big Hug smile

So she's missing out on three tubs of profiteroles.


But she'll remember.

It's hard being a mum.

Bags Mon 21-May-12 15:26:34

She ate half of this week's ration yesterday.

Bags Mon 21-May-12 15:27:28

Have to get her and two others to a netball tournament now.