Suitable action to help a child's memory.

I am glad that all is well that ends well.

I would only say that I do not think that my children would say that I was a softie - far from it!

But, given that she knows it is wrong, I would be asking myself - why did she do it? Was it to get up your nose? Was it to punish you for making her feel small by telling her not to drop litter in front of her friend? Was it because she is in awe of her friend and needs not to lose face? Was she dared to by her friend?

She sounds like a lovely girl (we know she has a lovely Mum!!) who knows right from wrong, so she would not have done it randomly. Sometimes it is very hard not to go with the crowd as a pre-teen.

Give her a hug from me!

Mishap - Oh, I don't think DD3 did it deliberately - doesn't seem to be her MO - just thoughtlessness. Think B is just nudging her to be a lot little more aware of her actions.

B - Does that earn me a teacake? I don't like profiteroles particularly.

Yup - I'm not suggesting it should be ignored, but a punishment seems pretty harsh to me! I think I would have said "You seem to have left some litter out there - I'd be very grateful if you would pick it up." And when she did I would have said "Thanks love." End of.

She would pick up that it was not acceptable, that it had been noticed - and she is then given the chance to put it right herself.

She's had plenty of chances "to pick up that it's not right", mishap. She's not old enough to be responsible about everything yet, but she is old enough to be responsible about that. She didn't think the punishment was harsh. She just accepted it with good grace, as I had expected she would. She knows my standards are high when it comes to being careful with the environment and she knows my expectations of her are high, but well within her capabilities. If she had thought I was being unfair or harsh, she would have said so. She sees the justice of being made to remember what matters, in this case that dropping litter is unacceptable, full stop.

Besides, I'm just a straightforward person. I just pitch in and go straight at stuff. So far it has served me, and my daughters, very well. They understand that doing things (and failing to do things) has consequences. If you do something negative you have to pay for it. The paying may not always be pleasant.

Depriving a child of three sweet treats for being careless when she knows she shouldn't be is hardly draconian. It is firm and determined. She's used to that. She's also used to me not fussing at all about things that actually don't matter, which plenty of parents do.

Anyway, it's all water under the bridge now. She's on a high because her team got the bronze medals in the netball tournament. The teams who won the silvers and golds were from schools three or four times bigger than her school. It was great! So impressed with their team work.

Is that a Tunnocks teacake or the kind you toast?

Tunnocks.

Annobel So glad you've got your priorities right!

Can't imagine what you mean, chrissy.

Rebellious? Bit early at 11 but 'teenage behaviour' seems to start younger now. Nature's Way to become independant

Maybe I am a softie after all! - I'll tell the girls - I doubt they'll believe me!!

Thinking about it though, I did not mete out much in the way of punishments - they still seem to know right from wrong - so there must be more than one way to skin a cat!

I suppose the principle that I was going for was self discipline - that was why I would have let her put things right herself in her own way; but that's just me. There were days when it would have been easier to go down the punishment route - in fact days (usually premenstrual!) when a quick clip round the ear would have seemed an attractive choice! - but I am happy with the outcome.

I am very impressed with one of my daughters who has never got cross with her 3 year old - don't know how she does it on no sleep with the baby! If he does something seriously wrong (hitting, biting etc) she sits him on her lap and makes him be still for one minute, all the while telling him that it is wrong. If he does something mischievous she gets across that he is being a pain without being cross. I remember one day when he was buzzing about refusing to get into his pyjamas, and she just pretended that he was an aeroplane and each "wing", "undercarriage" etc. had to have a coat on etc. They finished up having a laugh - and he is in his pyjamas. I was impressed by the fact that she did not fly off the handle, as she must have been exhausted. They are great girls!

I've got two daughters like that Mishap. I babysat whilst my daughter had a late teaching night last night, and after getting her nearly 4 year old twins in bed, with a half hour of stories, I went up 15 minutes later to find that one had emptied a trug of soft toys all over his sleeping brother who went off like a rocket - both stood at the safety gate crying 'want my mummy.'

After half an hour of reassuring and cuddles, the previously asleep one went back to sleep, then woke up again because of the racket his brother was making - both very tired and grumpy. Poor mum walked in after her 11 hour day and spent the next hour going through the whole bedtime routine again, with stories, cuddles, bathroom, tidying toys away. Then she phoned me to say everything was fine again, had a quick bite to eat and got in bed.

I don't remember being that calm when mine were that age, and I was still at home then, not holding down a full-time job. Like you say, great girls.

(I've put some more pics of twins Polly and Alice on my profile). Looking for more of my other grandchildren to download).

when - how cute they are in those spotty dresses and sunhats! And aren't they growing! So cuddly too.

If you think of the kind of "punishment" I have doled out simply as a way of helping someone to remember, it changes the complexion of the thing, I think. I think you are giving my 'sanctions' far too great a significance, mishap. DD3 fully agrees with my feelings about litter. She has been involved in Beachwatch cleanings that I have organised both from home and with other organisations. Her school teaches the children about litter and related subjects. There has, in short, been masses of talk. Talk still left her careless. Time for action, not words. Time will tell, but I've a feeling she will not forget this episode even if she forgets all the previous blah blah. It's a memory mark.

All the talk and patience and supplying with more than adequate drawing materials from as soon as she could hold a crayon until shortly before her fifth birthday did not stop her from 'forgetting' that she wasn't supposed to draw on walls and furniture. When she drew on the sitting-room wall of someone else's house, we decided it was time for a memory mark action because words were not working. She has never drawn anywhere she shouldn't since then.

Words are fine but if they don't work, one needs to try something else.

There is more than one right and effective way to bring up kids. Three cheers for your daughter's patience and stamina, mishap. As you say, she's doing great. So am I and so is DD3.

Bags Well done darling daughter.

when the twins look sooo sweet in their spotty dresses.
You could just eat them couldn't you? Mmmm.