Today i hit 16 stone.....talk about depressed....

Very well put DaphneBroon.

Sorry, that should have read attempts to lose weight.

There is another agenda in weight loss though, which is taking (back) control of your body and your life, hence the depression which failure in attempts weight engenders. I think one -to - one support , hypnotherapy, life counselling might all be helpful. Success breeds success when ones self confidence is being rebuilt and failure usually brings o further depression. It's not just about the health aspects of weight is it, but body image and self confidence .
There are expensive food delivery plans which would work provides OP has the motivation to stick to it, but support and understanding from her DH would also be essential. Not all men want their partners to lose weight , look and feel more glamorous and retake control of their lives, oddly enough.

Jane But a break from worrying about her weight and a start to feeling better about herself could have an effect on snacking/comfort eating and show after a while a small weight loss, which would then encourage her to change her eating habits and maintain/continue that - not calling it diet!!! the name is enough to set up anxiety and put her back onto frequent snacks.

Jane10 and Elegran
I looked at the NHS BMI calculator and put in female, age 65, height 5'6", weight 16st. Obviously I'm guessing the OP's height and age. but it doesn't make that much difference.
The BMI comes out at 36.1, the healthy range for 5'6" is 8st 3lbs -11st 2lbs and the recommendation to reach a healthy weight is to lose 6st 5lbs to be in the middle of the healthy range.

The OP is desperate enough to post her distress and anxiety about her weight on a public website. I don't think telling her to just accept her obesity is very helpful.

Even if you disregard the health issues of being 6 stone overweight,it is still like carrying a rucksack weighing 89lbs around with you everywhere you go.

Bytheway please go to your GP for help.It's a very big hill to climb all by yourself. I'm sure you won't be judged and I hope you get the help you need.

Water..... Lots of it. I read somewhere that when we feel hungry it's often water we need. Sometimes if I do something energetic or go for a long walk I feel I need sugar and dream of scoffing a bag of jelly beans (something full of sugar). At those times I drink a glass of water (tonic water works best for me). And the feeling of hunger and craving for something sweet goes away.

Also, like some others, I would try the 5:2 diet. It worked better for me than anything else.

Whatever you do, I hope it works but the most important thing is to get your depression sorted. No matter what you weigh, you need to lift your spirits.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, bytheway, and hope that talking things over on Gransnet has been a help.

I'd just like to back the posters who recommend the 5:2. It's not a diet, it's a way of life you soon get used to, and if it suits you, it's great. Not like calorie counting, worrying about sins or points and feeling guilty about enjoying food. I've been doing it for a couple of years, lost the stone I wanted to lose easily and have kept it off. I could easily lose more by being less indulgent on the 5 days. I barely notice the 2 fast days now and appreciate my food so much more on the others. More importantly, my blood pressure went down significantly even before my weight did.

Saying that, it doesn't suit everyone. My DD1 felt ill on the fast days so couldn't do it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

And if the clothes don't fit, there will still be time to buy something new and gorgeous before C*******s.

Good idea, Jane10 How about three-month pause, ignoring diets and scales completely and concentrating instead on doing things and going places that make you feel happy and relaxed? Then try on some clothes that you like and look in the mirror. If you look good and feel good, you ARE good.

I bet the poor OP has tried absolutely everything! Maybe its time for her to relax and accept herself as she is. Who knows if she accepts herself and refocuses beyond just weight, she could gradually slim down, but that's not the be all and end all of a life worth living?

Have you tried keeping a food diary to see just what you are eating that could be cut out or reduced? It's the only way I managed to lose weight in the past and am back on it again now as well as my SIL & BIL who have both managed to lose weight. I agree that the depression won't help but it's a vicious circle as you're depressed about the weight in the first place. I don't seem to have the 'full' gene in my body - I just carry on eating until the plate's empty but I have found if I go and do something when I think I'll go to the pantry I can manage to stave off the hunger until the right meal time. Mind you having breakfast at 5.45 every day doesn't help as I need to eat something again at 9!

bytheway sorry you are a bit down.
It is a fact that some of us are prone to more easily pile on the pounds but there can be so many factors making this happen. Suggestions that you check out health issues are a really good idea if you feel that this could be a factor.

I have been reading about the physical act of chewing our food affecting our weight. Apparently not only does chewing each bite 30 - 40 times ensure that you actually eat about 12% less food but the very act of chewing informs your brain that you have eaten and triggers a 'full' or 'satisfied' marker. Worth a shot possibly.

Cutting out starchy carbohydrates works well as does drinking plenty of water.

Taking a vitamin D supplement helps your body to absorb the nutrients properly so that your body is not screaming for munchies.

Buddy up with a friend for mutual encouragement and competition as this can be really helpful. Walking and talking together is beneficial.

The main thing is to make the decision to 'go for it' and then stick to it, come what may, until you are in the place you want to be.

no faddy diets, eat less move more, that's all there is to it

These are the things that helped me lose weight.

As Anya said give up diets.
Start eating in a healthy way for life.
Look at and start the LowCarb thread on GN.
If you have a bad day don't beat yourself up start again the next day.
Water down all drinks, you will soon get used to it.
If you ate a number of biscuits at a time cut back little by little.
If you feel hungry for some particular food make yourself wait for 10 mins, I find the craving has gone by then.
Go for a walk every day. Increase the length of walk every few days.
Go out walking even if it is raining.
Use a small dinner plate.
If I feel peckish in the evening I slice up an apple and select a few nuts and eat them slowly.

Best of luck bytheway

Indeed Jane - you are not your weight - you are you, with all your virtues and faults and lots to offer the world and lots of fun to have. You should not define your whole self by your weight.

I never weigh myself as I think the number would stick in my head and torture me. Instead I go by my clothes and how well or otherwise they fit. 16 is just a number and you are much more than a number!

bytheway, please don't despair!! 16 stone may sound like a lot, and obviously you see it as a landmark, but it's not that bad, really. You can do this, and you will get a lot of support from GNers.

I agree with Parsleywin. Give the 5:2 a try - it's the only diet that I've ever been on which doesn't make you think about food the whole time, and if you are one of those whom it suits, it really works, as I am here to tell you! The 2 days can be hard (not always, by any means) but that is the only time you have to count calories, and it seems to help you be more restrained - without trying - on the 5 days too. If you can possibly get some more exercise, even just a short walk most days, that can only help.

Go for it, and good luck!

Jane10 our posts crossed and I think we're talking about different aspects of 'hunger' anyway.

Only eat when you feel hungry is great advice, but not that useful if you get the 'munchies' too often for your own good. One example ( and there are many others I'm sure posters can describe) drawn from my own experience is I can eat sensibly all day, the get the 'munchies' after eating my evening meal.

Now, logically I cannot be 'hungry' and I know this, but I feel the need to eat...so to me that's a sort of 'hunger'. I have to make a real effort not to give in and scoff at this time.

Now this isn't about me, that was just an example.

So the OP has to try hard to resist her own 'hunger pangs' inbetween (and after) meals. Feeling hungry is Not A Bad Thing, despite all the misinformation and hype put about but the diet industry.

I have always thought that weight gain, and trying to lose it is quite a complex issue. As others have said there could be underlying issues that make losing weight difficult and keeping it off more difficult.
There has been some good advice and suggestions, further up thread. Personally, I don't think that 'diets' work, especially when real life eating takes over.
Changing eating habits worked for me, this was helped by losing weight on the 5:2, although I did it on alternate days. 4 years on I'm still in the smaller clothes size - I don't weigh myself so I may have put on a tiny bit.
What really helped me was writing down what I had lost until I reached my ( realistic) goal weight. I could see how far I had come.
If DH and I have lunch out we share a portion. The same for the occasional cake. I agree cut down portions, don't eat between meals and don't have sweet things in the house. I always try not to eat after 8pm. Otherwise you are taking in calories and sleeping on them, not burning them off.
Good luck, with the support of us all here you'll get there.

It took me a long time to kick the smoking habit. I was so bad that, half way through a ciggie I'd be thinking of the next one; the same obsession that would make me think of the next chocolate in the box whilst I was eating the first one. It's all so in the mind isn't it . I hardly ever touch alcohol but, if I had a bottle of something that tasted nice [Tia Mario for example] I could never stop at one small glass. I guess I have an addictive personality [if that's the right term].

Jane10, it's the same with cigs! Whenever I try to stop cut down, I find myself thinking of them all the time. It's horrible.

I agree with Neversaydie. I've spent most of my life dieting, and my weight has fluctuated between 7 st and 11 1/2 stone. I was always trying to get under 9 stone but eventually realised that was the weight I was meant to be. When on a diet all you think about is food and calories[which is why things like Slimming World have never worked for me]. I now just focus on healthy eating and exercise; I guess I have only transferred the obsession elsewhere but it does seem to be working. Don't just think of gyms as being for super fit thin people either; there are a lot of overweight people at mine. It's council run and only costs me £19 a month. For the first time in my adult life I feel in control of my weight and my eating habits.On the other hand, I make a point of never having any unhealthy food in the house [ice cream late at night is my downfall]these days. I don't feel guilty if I have the odd bar of chocolate sometimes but I still can't keep chocolate in the house because I would eat whatever is there.

Have you considered 5:2? It's the only long term sustainable weight loss method that's ever worked for me. There is a heap of useful information, support and recipes available online.

I was nervous before I started, but realised that actually the worst that can happen is that you feel too hungry and eat something! I honestly can't think of any downsides to it - and it's free!

I think the key to weight loss, exercise or any other 'good' habit is to find the method that will work for you personally. These areas are very definitely not one-plan-suits-all! I hope you will find the way best suited to you, and look forward to reading an update on your success!

Would it help to set yourself goals along with your hubby and buy yourself a treat for each half stone lost eg bottle of perfume? Also in the evenings if you feel peckish or in need of comfort food try reading a novel in the bath with bubblebath or candles perhaps. Good luck. Remember you CAN do it!

The slim people I know all have the same attitude to food. They eat when they feel hungry and stop when they are full. They do not treat any food as forbidden or the work of the devil . They take quite a lot of exercise .
I am trying to develop a similar attitude as the pounds have been piling on (I have had a difficult year and I am a classic comfort eater)My cholesterol is slightly raised which us another incentive .I do have an underactive thyroid and while the medication addresses it I dont think my metabolic rate is quite as high as it might be .Hence exercise, which raises it . (I did lose a stone when I first started on the medication 12 years ago but I dont think you can blame an underactive thyroid for really excessive weight gain)I find it does help not to have some food in the house -cheese which I can eat like chocolate being one .Once I am at a healthy BMI I will relax this rule .
So far I have lost 11lbs, very slowly .I have tried 'diets'including Weight Watchers but have realised it is my mindset I need to change .So am eating normally but not excessively ,cutting out between meal snacks like nuts ,however healthy,and having no more than one piece of cake orc biscuit at the numerous meetings I go to .I am able to do this unsupported (the stresses of the last year have more or less gone) but I think you sound as though you may need help to do so .If you were an alcoholic or gambler you would hopefully seek help so there is no shame in doing the same for a food adiction