Today i hit 16 stone.....talk about depressed....

Do you make sure you never have any tempting things in the house?

I don't think the doc was on the right road with the fun size bars mar diet. Too tantalising.

It is so hard to lose weight I know. I used to be able to just lose a stone a month easy peasy but no more. The problem with 'diets' is that they make you obsessed with food. You end up thinking about it all the time: planning the next meal, the shopping, what's 'allowed' and what isn't etc ad infinitum. I know I need to lose weight but I'm also aware that I'm exactly the same shape as my Gran and Great Aunts on both sides! I spent years among other ladies at work who yoyo dieted their way through life. It just doesn't work. All you can do is try to eat only when you're genuinely hungry as opposed to habit and try to keep as active as possible. Good luck. You're not alone!

That must be soul destroying bytheway (((hugs)))

The only way to lose weight is to bite the bullet and stop trying 'diets'. And to look at it long term.

It has to be by adopting a lifestyle you can live with day to day. This means cutting right down on sugary foods, and that includes fruit and fruit juices. Up your protein and plenty of vegetables. Try to cut back on potatoes, rice, pasta and bread.

Stick to three meals a day and no sugary snacks.

Forget all this nonsense about not feeling hungry. If you feel hungry inbetween meals that is your body telling you to eat, and if you ignore it your body will have to go into your fat stores to satisfy its needs. Which means fat is being used up....great!

And if you can exercise, please do. Walking is great.

I am so sorry you feel so depressed and while I am neither a nutritionist nor SLIM I can offer a few thoughts which you may or may not wish to take on board
You don't say your height, but could you work on how you look (even if you would like to be thinner) - there are some stunning "statuesque" women role models out there- big, bold, colourful and confident. When I look at so- called magazine makeovers, so often the changes are in the clothes (bolder) shoes(heels) hair and LIPSTICK. A former colleague who was a lot more than 16 stone but had a very sweet, pretty face lost about half her body weight on the Cambridge diet and frankly, looked worse. Her face became gaunt, her hair went thin and IMHO it wasn't worth it. She also became very unhappy. Being slimmer does not always equate to happier.
It can also make you fixated on food to the exclusion of most other things.
OK, that aside, exercise and portion control. Not calories, just half the portions you eat now. I am not saying your portions are large as , frankly I have no idea, but when you look at so called "diet" meals, the first thing that strikes me is how small they are! Fill up on veg, salad, plenty of water. And restrict wine /other alcohol to one day a week or none, if you can manage.
Hypnotherapy might help your mindset but any displacement activity is good - crochet or knitting watching TV, only having meals at set times at the table and accepting that it is normal to feel hungry before a meal - no snacking between meals.
The depressing thing is that once we start dieting, our metabolism adapts to the lower food intake and when we eat "normally" , the lbs pile on. So crash diets do more harm than good. Re-educating your palate to LIKE celery more than cake, to avoid bread and biscuits is hard, but if you must, you must. That is why I suggest you look at your general health and appearance - a fit 16 stone who looks great is possibly better than being 10 stone but in poor health.
You may indeed have an eating disorder after decades of felling you are overweight. I am not saying overweight is good, but look around you, even the great and the good either seem to put on weight or stay thin and wrinkled!! At 50 you still have time to address the issue - exercise, support from a third party, even online may be the way forward. There is no "good" or "bad" in eating, no "ooh, I mustn't it's naughty" and no blame attached. Do have yourself checked out by a doctor for thyroid function and don't be afraid to hear him say you need to lose weight. That's like telling an alcoholic they need to drink less - the question is what are you going to do about it.
Good luck, and instead of being down and depressed how about a new pair of trainers and a brisk walk somewhere nice?

Good take on it db. Good post.

bytheway
anya has given you very good advice and I agree with daphne that portion size is important too. Also about getting your thyroid checked. This was one of the causes of my weight gain in my late 40's and early 50's and it took me 4 years to lose the weight, even when I had started the thyroxine.
Everyone is different - I would find only 3 meals a day difficult - I have 3 meals a day plus a banana or some nuts or a couple of squares of very dark chocolate (hardly any sugar) and a milky coffee mid morning if I need it.
Don't be afraid to feel pleased with yourself - get to the end of the day and allow yourself to feel you have done well. And if you have had a not very good day, don't cheer yourself up with more food!
Accept that it will take time - I find it helps to record my weight once a week to see in which direction I'm going!
Good luck - I hope this is a turning point for you.

Hello Bytheway
I agree with all the above.
However I think that it is your depression that should be addressed first.
Maybe a trip to your GP
Write out your GN post and let him read it. (It saves time & you won't eel that you have forgotten something important)
It could be he will offer medication &/ or counselling.
If you are happier generally then maybe you will feel stronger to deal with your weight .
I feel counselling may give you the tools to help achieve a healthier life style for both you and your DH

Good luck x

My comment about only eating when you're hungry was because I know I tend to eat out of sheer habit. When I consciously think that I can easily override the urge to just have that cake or pile of biscuits. I don't think that's 'nonsense'!

I think anya's point (and mine) is tat we no longer think it is acceptable to feel hungry in the way people used to 50 years ago. The Milky Way ad (" the sweet you can eat between meals without spoiling your appetite") was the start of the slippery slope. Feeling "peckish" is something most of us could manage 24/7 if we put our minds to it, but I have noticed how the thin of my acquaintance don't seem to feel it, or to admit to it. DH will say he feels hungry but can wait till lunch etc.
Some foods can also "make" you feel hungry, presumably by triggering the taste buds so "hunger" can be a genuine NEED for food or it can be a desire for something nice. That is the temptation.

It's a cycle, isn't it? Eating makes you depressed; depression drives you to the biscuit barrel. I was once a group leader for a very well known weight loss organisation. Anyone who could see me now would be most surprised to learn this. I could lose a good 3 stone before getting anywhere near my goal weight. My advice is to forget diets. Get rid of all those diet books. Ask for help. Your GP may be able to refer you to a counsellor who will help you to address the cause of your depression/overeating. I was once referred to the NHS dietician who was very helpful and I was doing well but she transferred to another job and wasn't replaced.

If you feel you are comfort eating, as you say, rather than eating because you are hungry, then this is what needs to be addressed rather than just thinking about your food intake. Maybe talk to GP about referral for counseling and try and get to the bottom of it. A counselor would be able to give you a chance to talk it all through and walk beside you during your attempts to lose weight.

I am lucky not to have this problem - although I do now weigh 10 stone, when I was 2 atone lighter before I became middle-aged! - but I do try and have a glass of water when I feel peckish between meals.

Good luck with all this. It is important that you do not reduce your personal worth in your eyes just because you are a bigger person - there is a tendency for people who see themselves as overweight to have poor self-confidence and a counselor would hopefully be able to help you with this. Make a list of all your assets and virtues and read that when you are feeling down about your weight!

The slim people I know all have the same attitude to food. They eat when they feel hungry and stop when they are full. They do not treat any food as forbidden or the work of the devil . They take quite a lot of exercise .
I am trying to develop a similar attitude as the pounds have been piling on (I have had a difficult year and I am a classic comfort eater)My cholesterol is slightly raised which us another incentive .I do have an underactive thyroid and while the medication addresses it I dont think my metabolic rate is quite as high as it might be .Hence exercise, which raises it . (I did lose a stone when I first started on the medication 12 years ago but I dont think you can blame an underactive thyroid for really excessive weight gain)I find it does help not to have some food in the house -cheese which I can eat like chocolate being one .Once I am at a healthy BMI I will relax this rule .
So far I have lost 11lbs, very slowly .I have tried 'diets'including Weight Watchers but have realised it is my mindset I need to change .So am eating normally but not excessively ,cutting out between meal snacks like nuts ,however healthy,and having no more than one piece of cake orc biscuit at the numerous meetings I go to .I am able to do this unsupported (the stresses of the last year have more or less gone) but I think you sound as though you may need help to do so .If you were an alcoholic or gambler you would hopefully seek help so there is no shame in doing the same for a food adiction

Would it help to set yourself goals along with your hubby and buy yourself a treat for each half stone lost eg bottle of perfume? Also in the evenings if you feel peckish or in need of comfort food try reading a novel in the bath with bubblebath or candles perhaps. Good luck. Remember you CAN do it!

Have you considered 5:2? It's the only long term sustainable weight loss method that's ever worked for me. There is a heap of useful information, support and recipes available online.

I was nervous before I started, but realised that actually the worst that can happen is that you feel too hungry and eat something! I honestly can't think of any downsides to it - and it's free!

I think the key to weight loss, exercise or any other 'good' habit is to find the method that will work for you personally. These areas are very definitely not one-plan-suits-all! I hope you will find the way best suited to you, and look forward to reading an update on your success!

I agree with Neversaydie. I've spent most of my life dieting, and my weight has fluctuated between 7 st and 11 1/2 stone. I was always trying to get under 9 stone but eventually realised that was the weight I was meant to be. When on a diet all you think about is food and calories[which is why things like Slimming World have never worked for me]. I now just focus on healthy eating and exercise; I guess I have only transferred the obsession elsewhere but it does seem to be working. Don't just think of gyms as being for super fit thin people either; there are a lot of overweight people at mine. It's council run and only costs me £19 a month. For the first time in my adult life I feel in control of my weight and my eating habits.On the other hand, I make a point of never having any unhealthy food in the house [ice cream late at night is my downfall]these days. I don't feel guilty if I have the odd bar of chocolate sometimes but I still can't keep chocolate in the house because I would eat whatever is there.

Jane10, it's the same with cigs! Whenever I try to stop cut down, I find myself thinking of them all the time. It's horrible.

It took me a long time to kick the smoking habit. I was so bad that, half way through a ciggie I'd be thinking of the next one; the same obsession that would make me think of the next chocolate in the box whilst I was eating the first one. It's all so in the mind isn't it . I hardly ever touch alcohol but, if I had a bottle of something that tasted nice [Tia Mario for example] I could never stop at one small glass. I guess I have an addictive personality [if that's the right term].

I have always thought that weight gain, and trying to lose it is quite a complex issue. As others have said there could be underlying issues that make losing weight difficult and keeping it off more difficult.
There has been some good advice and suggestions, further up thread. Personally, I don't think that 'diets' work, especially when real life eating takes over.
Changing eating habits worked for me, this was helped by losing weight on the 5:2, although I did it on alternate days. 4 years on I'm still in the smaller clothes size - I don't weigh myself so I may have put on a tiny bit.
What really helped me was writing down what I had lost until I reached my ( realistic) goal weight. I could see how far I had come.
If DH and I have lunch out we share a portion. The same for the occasional cake. I agree cut down portions, don't eat between meals and don't have sweet things in the house. I always try not to eat after 8pm. Otherwise you are taking in calories and sleeping on them, not burning them off.
Good luck, with the support of us all here you'll get there.

Jane10 our posts crossed and I think we're talking about different aspects of 'hunger' anyway.

Only eat when you feel hungry is great advice, but not that useful if you get the 'munchies' too often for your own good. One example ( and there are many others I'm sure posters can describe) drawn from my own experience is I can eat sensibly all day, the get the 'munchies' after eating my evening meal.

Now, logically I cannot be 'hungry' and I know this, but I feel the need to eat...so to me that's a sort of 'hunger'. I have to make a real effort not to give in and scoff at this time.

Now this isn't about me, that was just an example.

So the OP has to try hard to resist her own 'hunger pangs' inbetween (and after) meals. Feeling hungry is Not A Bad Thing, despite all the misinformation and hype put about but the diet industry.

bytheway, please don't despair!! 16 stone may sound like a lot, and obviously you see it as a landmark, but it's not that bad, really. You can do this, and you will get a lot of support from GNers.

I agree with Parsleywin. Give the 5:2 a try - it's the only diet that I've ever been on which doesn't make you think about food the whole time, and if you are one of those whom it suits, it really works, as I am here to tell you! The 2 days can be hard (not always, by any means) but that is the only time you have to count calories, and it seems to help you be more restrained - without trying - on the 5 days too. If you can possibly get some more exercise, even just a short walk most days, that can only help.

Go for it, and good luck!

I never weigh myself as I think the number would stick in my head and torture me. Instead I go by my clothes and how well or otherwise they fit. 16 is just a number and you are much more than a number!

Indeed Jane - you are not your weight - you are you, with all your virtues and faults and lots to offer the world and lots of fun to have. You should not define your whole self by your weight.

These are the things that helped me lose weight.

As Anya said give up diets.
Start eating in a healthy way for life.
Look at and start the LowCarb thread on GN.
If you have a bad day don't beat yourself up start again the next day.
Water down all drinks, you will soon get used to it.
If you ate a number of biscuits at a time cut back little by little.
If you feel hungry for some particular food make yourself wait for 10 mins, I find the craving has gone by then.
Go for a walk every day. Increase the length of walk every few days.
Go out walking even if it is raining.
Use a small dinner plate.
If I feel peckish in the evening I slice up an apple and select a few nuts and eat them slowly.

Best of luck bytheway

no faddy diets, eat less move more, that's all there is to it